


minutes/millennia

by DraconicHex



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Casual Tears in the Fabric of the Universe, Existential Dread, F/F, Supernatural Lesbians, archive warning only applies to chapter 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 43,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25916080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconicHex/pseuds/DraconicHex
Summary: When Maribel Hearn doesn't appear at one of their club meetings, Usami Renko assumes that she's dreaming, and that she'll return soon. Months pass, though, and she remains absent; moreover, Renko must find out why someone who looks suspiciously like her has been seen on university campus.
Relationships: Maribel Hearn/Usami Renko, Saigyouji Yuyuko/Yakumo Yukari, Usami Renko/Yakumo Yukari, there's something going on with renko and yuyuko if you squint
Comments: 93
Kudos: 150





	1. Chapter 1

“So, what do you think we’re going to do after graduation?”

A pair of young ladies were sitting at a sidewalk cafe on an unseasonably warm November afternoon. The one posing the question had a small notebook open, as if she planned on writing down the reply for future reference, just in case she forgot it. 

“Isn’t it a little early for that sort of question?” 

Her companion, with her coffee untouched, was fiddling with a ribbon on her hat. 

“Well, I just thought it would be a good idea to have a plan, you know? For if we graduate and go our separate paths, or get separated some other way. Though somehow I can’t imagine you going and getting a stable office job…”

“What kind of employability do you think I have!?”

Maribel Hearn gave up on the ribbon as a lost cause and sighed. 

“But it’s true that we only have a few months left together with the Sealing Club as an actual university club, I suppose.” She took a sip of coffee, then grimaced at the taste. “Though, are we actually officially recognized as one in the first place? Being a circle on our own wouldn’t be too different from how we are now, although maybe we’d have to meet on weekends more.”

“Don’t we meet on weekends most of the time, anyway? Officially, that is. I don’t think you stumbling into my desk out of your dreams at two in the morning counts as a club meeting, no matter how often you do it.”

“And whose fault is it that that desk keeps moving?” Merry drank her now-cold coffee quickly. “But besides that, I don’t think that the Sealing Club has any reason to end just because our university careers will. We’ll still be occult investigators, even if you’re off working some dreadfully boring job in energy production and I’m optimizing some office’s productivity.”

“I still really can’t imagine you with a job like that…” Usami Renko had shut her notebook without writing anything in it, seemingly forgetting she intended to write anything at all. 

“Well, the circus freak show business has been drying up horrendously these past few centuries, you know.” Merry gave a dismissive little shrug.

“But never mind that, Merry, weren’t you going to demonstrate something over lunch?” Renko opened up her notebook again. “You seemed excited about it, so that’s why I brought this.” She held up the notebook, showing a list of “Merry’s Abilities” in scratchy, bold handwriting.

“Well, I was going to, but then we got distracted, didn’t we? Besides, a sidewalk cafe is hardly the sort of place for an occult demonstration in the first place. We can set something up when I get to my class, but for now I have to get going.” Merry picked up Renko’s hat from the back of her chair and twirled it around her finger before tossing it over. “See you tonight!”

“Ah, alright. See you!”

Renko looked after her retreating figure with a sense of bemusement. Then she packed up her (still, for the day, as of yet unwritten in) notebook and headed off to class on her own. As soon as she felt comfortable in her knowledge that she’d already read everything relevant to this day’s lecture and was thus safe to slack off, she picked up her phone to message Merry about the night’s plans.

[usamimi @ 4:36 PM] So, what was that thing you wanted to show off anyway? Or what sort of thing was it, at least.  
[usamimi @ 4:48 PM] merryyyy answer your messages the professor’s waxing nostalgic about the discovery of the higgs boson again. i’ll die of boredom here  
[merryberry @ 4:49 PM] Can’t you just skip out and go to the park like you always do?  
[merryberry @ 4:49 PM] But anyway, it’s just the usual sort of thing in making dreams reality and reality dreamlike. It’s more interesting this time for other people rather than myself, though, I think?  
[merryberry @ 4:50 PM] I remember ages ago when you thought that it was impossible to do anything but see boundaries, naturally at least. You were so weird three years ago, Renko.  
[usamimi @ 4:51 PM] As usual, your explanations make no sense… Also, what was I supposed to do, unequivocally believe in the existence of things that shouldn’t be physically possible just because you said so?  
[usamimi @ 4:51 PM] Don’t answer that with an “obviously.”  
[usamimi @ 4:52 PM] And I can’t skip out because I’ll inevitably miss something that the old guy decides to put on the exam.  
[usamimi @ 4:54 PM] What were you thinking for the place for the demonstration tonight, anyway? Since you said the cafe wasn’t the sort of place for an occult demonstration.  
[merryberry @ 5:03 PM] I told you, just leave and go to the park! I’ll meet you there later. I have to drop some stuff off and pick some stuff up at the apartment. I should be there at something like 8ish?  
[usamimi @ 5:17 PM] I’m not waiting in a park for three hours, though…  
[merryberry @ 5:17 PM] Well, I’ll be there at something like 8 no matter what you do. Unless I get out of History of Mass Delusions earlier.  
[usamimi @ 5:17 PM] The classes they make your major take really are strange, aren’t they.  
[merryberry @ 5:18 PM] Fitting for someone just as strange, isn’t it? Anyway, I’ll see you then, whether you come early or not. I have to actually pay attention to this endocrinological chart now.  
[usamimi @ 5:18 PM] See you then, and I’m not leaving early.  
[merryberry @ 5:18 PM] I’ll expect you at 8:45 in that case!

Renko half sighed half laughed. Merry could be such a handful sometimes. She shut off her phone, thinking excitedly about the events of the evening, and dozed off for the next hour and a half. When she woke up, she looked out the window and saw heavy clouds gathering in the distance. 

“I should’ve brought my umbrella today after all, shouldn’t I?” She headed out the doors and started off towards the park regardless.

[usamimi @ 6:55 PM] Hey, Merry, can you bring me my umbrella too when you stop by the apartment? It’s getting really cloudy out here so if we’re going to be out later that might be a good idea.  
[merryberry @ 6:58 PM] Of course I can. We could share mine, but I think you’d probably want to be a good radius away from me when I’m doing something experimental like this?  
[usamimi @ 6:59 PM] Well, it was fine at the Old Adam Bar, but since you said something about it being “more interesting for other people” I think I’d probably want to keep a safe distance, yes.  
[merryberry @ 7:01 PM] How mean! But I’ll bring you your umbrella anyway. See you in a bit!  
[usamimi @ 7:02 PM] Weren’t you the one who suggested the safe distance anyway?

Merry was an unusual sort of person, with an even less usual sort of ability. When Renko had met her, she’d had the ability to see boundaries to other worlds, and the small contradictions in the reality of this one, with her unsettling eyes, just as she had since she was a child. Along with Renko, she’d used that ability to find where the entrances to other worlds were hidden within this world, and to peer across them together. Those were the daily activities of the Sealing Club. 

Over the past few years, though, Merry had been crossing over to and bringing things back from those other worlds in her dreams, and more recently, in her day to day life. At first, this had terrified her. She’d never had any control of it, so it seemed to her like she was being thrust into dangerous situations one after another, with no warning. Recently, though…

Renko shivered a little bit. It wasn’t just her eyes that were creepy. Nowadays, she could show anyone those boundaries to other realities, whenever she wanted. Renko had liked it when she’d first been able to see it, with Merry putting her hands over her eyes to show her that wavering vision of the Izanagi Objects. But other people seeing those visions too… Merry being able to even reach out and touch those other worlds whenever she felt the whim, now…

Maybe Renko was a little jealous, but when she watched Merry doing that sort of thing, it almost made her feel like she was seeing something that wasn’t quite human.

Her phone buzzed, snapping her out of her self-pitying internal monologue. She looked up to see that she’d gotten to the park in one piece.

[merryberry @ 7:28 PM] Your umbrella’s missing. Did you leave it somewhere again?  
[usamimi @ 7:28 PM] I don’t think so? It should be in the umbrella stand next to the kitchen, I think. Unless you went and dropped it on one of your otherworldly excursions?  
[merryberry @ 7:29 PM] Wouldn’t I have picked up my own umbrella if I sleepwalked out of this world with one of them? Besides, it hasn’t rained in any of my dreams in weeks. Why would I bring it in that sort of situation?  
[usamimi @ 7:29 PM] Insurance purposes? I don’t know.  
[merryberry @ 7:32 PM] Found it. You stored our futon on top of it, for whatever reason. You also stored it on top of one of my spare spools of ribbon. Actually, why do we store the futons on that shelf, anyway?  
[usamimi @ 7:32 PM] Insurance purposes, again? From centipedes.  
[merryberry @ 7:32 PM] Do centipedes like to come to upstairs floors?? Actually, they probably do, don’t they. Oh, that’s the worst.  
[usamimi @ 7:33 PM] Just being honest!  
[usamimi @ 7:33 PM] Although I haven’t seen any around, either way. It’s probably too cold.  
[merryberry @ 7:33 PM] Probably.  
[merryberry @ 7:33 PM] Do you want me to pick up anything else? I’m going to go by the convenience store on my way there. I’m weirdly hungry, somehow.  
[usamimi @ 7:34 PM] Canned coffee?  
[merryberry @ 7:34 PM] Of course! Both that you’d want that and that I can do that for you.  
[merryberry @ 7:34 PM] I’m going now, but I’ll talk to you once I get to the store. I should be at the park by 8, just like I expected.  
[usamimi @ 7:35 PM] Huh? But isn’t it kind of far? It’s okay if you’re late, you know.  
[merryberry @ 7:35 PM] Don’t worry about it! You’ll see. I’ll see you in a few minutes!  
[usamimi @ 7:35 PM] Well, as long as you’re sure. Don’t strain yourself or anything, you know?

Renko looked up to see the clouds roll across the sky. The moon wasn’t yet obscured by them, but it was only a matter of time. For now, though, it was attempting (and failing) to reflect peacefully in the pond before her.

The moon’s glow in the sky reminded her of the time she and Merry had talked about going on a tour to it by this very same pond. The wind was picking up, and causing little waves to splash against the shore, muddling the moon’s reflection more than the little ripples the fountain created.

Before it could become unrecognizably blurred, though, a bank of clouds blew in front of it, obscuring it from view. 

Suddenly, Renko realized that she’d been reminiscing for a little long. Shouldn’t Merry be here by now?

She pulled out her phone, and checked her messages. Nothing new.

[usamimi @ 8:03 PM] Merry? It’s been a while, are you on your way? The wind’s picking up.

A raindrop splashed down on her screen, and she looked up. The sky looked like it was about to open up.

“I really should’ve brought my umbrella after all, shouldn’t I?”

[usamimi @ 8:12 PM] Merry, this isn’t funny any more. 

The raindrops were coming down faster than before. Renko’s hat was already suffering their assault, but soon enough she’d probably be drenched herself. Maybe Merry was back at the apartment and she’d just forgotten to text Renko about it, and silenced her phone?

[usamimi @ 8:27 PM] Alright, I’m going to head home. It’s starting to rain really hard, so I’ll see you there? I hope you’re not out getting soaked, but with two umbrellas you’re probably not.  
[usamimi @ 8:27 PM] I have to be honest, though, if you’re home and I’m worrying about nothing, I will be a little angry.

The wind whipped Renko’s wet hair into her face. She couldn’t stop thinking about Merry. Something must have happened, to make her just stop answering all of a sudden. 

Something echoed back in Renko’s head, like a mockery of her. “Or if we get separated some other way…” 

She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that was clutching at her chest. 

What was it that Merry was trying to demonstrate, again?

Renko broke into a run. Something, somehow, had gone terribly wrong. Somehow, Merry’s control had slipped, or something from an otherworld had interfered with her, or…

She slid past the apartment door on the rainy sidewalk. When she got back to it, her hands shook while trying to unlock the (still manual) lock. She shoved it open, mentally apologizing to the landlady the whole time. Somehow, she hoped even now that Merry was there, ready to giggle at her for being so worried, with some coffee brewing to warm her up from the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Existential career anxiety, amirite?


	2. Chapter 2

The apartment, as she’d expected… as she’d known, really… was empty. 

Merry’s messenger bag was slung over a kitchen chair, filled with her tablet computer and notes in cramped, messy handwriting. Her pale pink umbrella was missing from the stand (she’d taken it today, hadn’t she?), but Renko’s was hung over the back of her own chair, a little messy from being stuck under the futon. Her keys were tossed lazily across the table, on top of yet another sheaf of messy notes in incomprehensibly scribbled English. Well, it would be incomprehensible to Renko handwriting or no, but the half-cursive half-print overlapping itself didn’t help.

Renko closed the door behind herself, more gently than she had opened it. On the counter, an ancient CD player was humming out 2010’s greatest classical music softly. She’d fixed it up herself, last year.

She collapsed into her chair, not caring about her soggy clothes.

Merry wasn’t there. 

She’d left Renko’s umbrella behind.

Had she been planning on disappearing somewhere that Renko couldn’t follow from the start? 

Somehow, that thought flitted into Renko’s mind, but she shook herself. No, that couldn’t be it. Otherwise, why would she even have bothered to get it out from the futon’s shelf? She could easily have just disappeared without even bothering to touch it. Wait, easily could have?? Why was Renko treating this as something that Merry chose?

Before she jumped to that conclusion, in the first place, there were a few items in the apartment that could have just dragged her away, had she touched them and been unlucky tonight. The Izanagi Object, for one, and then the phantom photos from great-aunt Sumireko’s collection. If any of those were missing, Merry might just be in the places they connected to, and able to return soon, like she did from her dreams.

Renko hurriedly pulled out the box of Sealing Club materials from the bottom shelf and rifled through them, categorizing each one. The photos of the Netherworld were all still there, though there were only two of them. The photos of the strange landscapes labeled “World of Dreams” in Sumireko’s handwriting were all there, too. All of the various lush mountainous landscapes- untitled- remained. And at last, the Izanagi Object, hidden at the bottom of the box, was still in its place.

There were also the (now-dried) bamboo shoots from Merry’s long-ago visit to another world, and some Zener cards (noted by the first club president to not actually be connected to ESP, except when she was using her telekinesis to throw them at people, which Renko believed at this point wholeheartedly), but those were even less likely to drag Merry to an otherworld, especially as she was now. And they were all here, anyway.

Renko looked over the contents of the box one last time, glancing wistfully at the copy of Swallowstone Naturalis Historia the two had kept for themselves. Dr. Latency’s research at that time had been more pseudoscience than anything, but no matter how unscientific it was, Renko would always treasure it as her and Merry’s first attempt to spread the truth of the world that had been hidden to those who would accept it.

Well, mostly Merry’s, really. Renko couldn’t really do anything.

There was nothing that could explain, in the least, where Merry had gone. Unless she’d fallen asleep at eight PM.

Renko sighed and walked to the closet to grab a towel. Well, no point in thinking it over any more in soaking wet clothes. 

After drying off and putting on a nightgown, she sat down at her desk, to reflect on the facts as they were. 

That Merry had disappeared, at an unknown period of time after 7:35 PM.  
That Merry had been planning on demonstrating a new or more developed ability of hers today.  
That Merry had left Renko’s umbrella behind, but after getting it out.  
That nothing particularly strange was missing from the apartment, besides Merry herself.

She buried her head in her hands. That was equivalent to knowing absolutely nothing. Even knowing that Merry had abandoned her would be better than knowing “Merry is gone” with nothing else to it. 

Somewhere in her heart, though, a spark of hope flared up. If Merry had disappeared, perhaps it would only be for as long as her usual somnambulism, or a little longer, at most. Maybe, perhaps, Renko could fall asleep, and in the morning, Merry would be there.

If that didn’t happen, she didn’t want to think about what would.

Tucking herself into her colder-than-usual futon, she looked up at the ceiling. If she could see the stars through there, maybe they’d tell her where Merry was, she thought fancifully. 

As she shut her eyes, she could almost see the stars behind them.

* * *

Renko opened her eyes to a beautiful blue morning sky, and complete isolation.

Her other half, the person she was longing for the presence of even beyond hope, was still gone.

Merry hadn’t woken up beside her, as she had for the past three years. 

Automatically, almost robotically, she got up and dressed herself. If Merry wasn’t going to return on her own, she would search for her. No matter how long it took.

Even if it killed her, Renko thought, she’d find Merry.

This world that denied Merry’s truth as delusions- even if she had to tear down its boundaries and expose it for the fraud it was, to find Merry-! 

Renko realized that she’d crushed the packet of coffee powder she’d been holding so hard it had burst open over the floorboards.

With a long sigh, she pulled out another and dropped it into the coffee machine. Well, something like that, anyway. Regardless, she would find Merry.

She did realize, though, that she couldn’t expect anyone else to believe that. For that matter, she’d have to tell them, wouldn’t she? That Merry was missing.

More specifically, she’d have to tell one person in particular. 

After finishing her coffee, she sat down at the table and stared at her phone screen. To tell her…

She’d spoken to Merry’s mother once. A long time ago, when Merry had been sent to the Shinshuu Sanatorium for so-called rehabilitation. She’d seemed distant, but still grateful to hear any news about her daughter, and had asked for updates when she recovered. Apparently, Merry didn’t talk to her much. 

Renko thought drily that she’d probably end up seeming like a curse, only showing up alongside Merry’s misfortune. 

She sighed again, and opened up Merry’s emergency contacts list in her notes. There was only one contact there, with a number listed underneath it- “Elise Hearn”.

She pressed the Call button.

A tinny ringing noise, the same one you’d hear from phones almost a century ago, repeated itself in her ear. 

She almost gave up, thinking it was probably too late over there already, before hearing a faint voice.

_“Hello? Who is this?”_ From her high school English courses, Renko could remember well enough to know that she was being asked her name.

“Um, hello. I’m Usami Renko. Merry- er, Meribe… Maeriberii? Maeriberii Hearn’s-”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I must have deleted your contact info. Maribel’s partner, right?”

“Er, yes.” Most likely, she didn’t end up creating a contact at all… “Just to make sure, I am speaking to Elise Hearn, correct?”

“Yes. I do apologize, but it’s rather late here. Can you possibly contact me at a different time?”

“Ah, er, I’m very sorry, but it’s important that you know as soon as possible. Is that alright?”

“Oh. Well, if it’s important, I can definitely make the time.” The voice on the other end of the line had grown slightly worried. 

“Well. Alright, how exactly do I put this…” Renko fiddled with her hair ribbon. “Your daughter has, um. Gone missing, I think.”

“You think!?”

“I haven’t seen her since last night. She came back to our apartment, and we were going to meet up again at the park at around eight P.M., but she never showed up. Her umbrella and phone are missing, but nothing else of hers is.”

“I... what…? How could this…” If she had seemed unworried when Merry had been sent to the sanatorium, now her mother seemed utterly distraught. Broken-off sobs were crossing the phone line.

Renko thought about telling her that there was a possibility that Merry hadn’t even left the house before she disappeared, but bit it back.

“Despite how horrible this is, it’s likely that if we report this to the authorities, and perhaps put out a missing advertisement, that she’ll be found soon enough.” Even if she didn’t believe that herself.

“I… hope so.” The sobbing had stopped, but the voice on the other end of the line was still cracking. “I’ll contact the authorities, if you could explain the situation to the university. Thank you. For contacting me.”

“I’m very sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, but, for now, I have to let you go. I… need some time to process this. It’s late enough already.”

“I completely understand. I’ll keep in contact.”

“Thank you.”

The “Call Ended” notification flashed onto Renko’s screen. She collapsed against the wall and slid down it.

That had gone better than she had expected, admittedly. She had half resigned herself to the idea of Merry’s mother blaming her, somehow. Come to think of it, if Merry was truly gone, and her powers were to blame, so was Renko, wasn’t she?

“Dreams are things to be made into reality”, huh.

She just sat there for a while, staring at the phone screen displaying nothing. It was better than looking at the login screen’s background of Merry, anyway.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably more along the lines of half an hour, she stood up. She’d have to go to the university, and contact all of Merry’s professors, then see if she could find any information whatsoever from any of her classmates as to where Merry might be. She still could have gotten lost, after all. Or maybe she’d even be there when Renko returned home. It couldn’t be that long of an otherworldly excursion, could it?

Maybe she’d be back tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Order a large depresso with a bamboo shoot on the side, perhaps, Ms. Usami?  
> This chapter is mostly gay mourning.


	3. Chapter 3

Tomorrow came, and Merry didn’t return.

Nobody had heard anything from her, either. Of course, everyone had heard of the strange, isolated, almost charmingly shy foreign student with the blonde hair. Almost no one ever saw her besides in class, though, Renko soon found. And certainly not recently. 

The next day didn’t bring Merry or any more relevant info with it, even though Renko went on a search to all of their usual haunts. Calling out Merry’s name in the park in the evening reminded Renko, oddly, of calling for a lost cat.

The day after that brought nothing, once again. And the next, as well. Soon, the days turned into weeks, with Renko slipping into the rhythm of going to classes, searching for Merry, doing the bare minimum of studying, going to sleep, and then repeating the process ad infinitum. The police had eventually closed the case due to lack of leads, but had promised to report to Mrs. Hearn if they found anything. Somehow, Renko doubted that they would.

The weeks slipped by dully, and when the two month anniversary of Merry’s disappearance came and went, Renko could only look dully on it as well. That nothing would come of this search was becoming more and more evident.

Just as Renko was thinking that, in the process of ignoring a lecture and rifling through the information Merry’s acquaintances had given her once again, a knock came on the lecture hall door. She glanced up to see a young-looking student (a first year at university?) look around nervously and say “Um, hello, I deeply apologize for interrupting. Professor Shikibu sent me here? He gave me a note for one Usami Renko?”

Renko stood up with a start. “That would be me. Could I see it, please? And thank you for the trouble. Apologies to you also, Professor.”

The girl gave her the note with a small bow and then hurried out. Renko unfolded the note carefully as the professor resumed his vague review of quantum field theory in advance of the upcoming exams. Her hands shook slightly.

The note was written in plain, neat handwriting, the sort you’d see in someone who wrote by hand often for his classes. 

“Hello, Ms. Usami Renko. 

I apologize for sending you a note like this when we’ve never met, and especially when it’s likely to interrupt you in the middle of one of your lectures, but it was vital that I get this information to you. 

One of my students, a Ms. Maribel Hearn, went missing a bit over two months ago. I’ve been informed recently that you’ve been spearheading the search for her and continuing in spite of the lack of results for several months. I am sincerely proud that a student of Kyoto University would make such an effort for a friend, whether they are in my department or not.

Regardless of my feelings towards your search, however, I have recently seen someone who greatly resembles Ms. Hearn around the psychology department. If you would like to discuss this in more detail, I can explain further if you stop by my office at the end of the day. I will be grading papers for several hours, so I can meet you there. 

With respect for your time,  
Professor Shikibu, Ph.D  
(Dream Theory)”

Renko’s heart was beating faster than it had any time in the past few months. Merry, here? After so long? It sounded almost too good to be true.

Unfocused through the rest of her lecture and her remaining classes, she awkwardly asked a tired-looking student for directions and ended up in front of a certain room 319 at, she glanced out the window, 6:54:43 PM. Gulping down her anxieties, she gently rapped on the door.

She received an answer almost immediately. A tired-sounding voice replied “Oh, please come in. Don’t keep waiting in the hall.”

Opening the door anxiously, Renko was greeted by a decidedly exhausted looking bespectacled man, sitting behind a desk piled high with papers. He brushed his graying hair out of his eyes and tiredly smiled at his visitor. “To whom do I owe the pleasure of an interruption from-” he gestured to his computer screen- “all this?”

Renko just held up the note awkwardly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Professor Shikibu. I’m Usami Renko. You said you wanted to talk with me?”

“Oh! You’re Usami Renko! Apologies for not recognizing you, Ms. Usami. I don’t really get out of this office often, as you can…” He sighed. “Likely see.”

“Well, it’s not exactly like I can’t relate to the experience of having a one-track mind.”

He nodded. “Right. You want to hear about the times I saw Ms. Hearn recently, correct?”

“That would be lovely.”

“Alright. Well, it first started about half a week ago. I was grading papers, as I am now, and I packed up to go home afterwards. When I was locking the door to my office, though, I happened to look out the window, and saw her, or at least what appeared to be her, looking at the sky out in the courtyard. I say that I saw her, but really, I don’t know if the resemblance was more than coincidence, since she was so far away. That time, at least.”

“From the way you say that, I’m guessing that there were other instances?”

“Yes. That night, she glanced up to the window, and I swear, she saw me looking at her. The next night, I was grading papers late as well, but when I locked the door, I saw her standing at the end of the hall. When I blinked, she had disappeared, but her face was unmistakably that of Ms. Hearn.”

“She does have rather good vision, so it’s not unlikely she would have seen you from the courtyard.” That was putting it lightly. “It’s odd that you’d see what seemed like a mirage of her the next day, though.” Though maybe, with someone like Merry…

“You would think that, wouldn’t you? If it weren’t for what I saw yesterday, I would have brushed the day before’s events off as a hallucination coming from my lack of sleep combined with seeing someone that resembled her in the courtyard beforehand.” Professor Shikibu laughed nervously. “But yesterday’s experience… that’s something that feels like it would put me out of a job. Like some kind of dream was leaking into reality, even though the fact is that they’re both real in their own way? Or something like that, anyway.”

Renko just nodded.

“I stayed late last night too. When I left my office, I saw her at the end of the hall again, but even after I blinked several times and pinched my own cheek, she was still there. I called out to her, but I got no reply. I was so distracted that I walked away from my office without even closing my door, much less locking it. She just looked at me the whole time, but when I got a few doors down…”

Professor Shikibu shivered.

“She stepped backwards! She had been standing against the wall at the end of the hall, but she just… melted backwards into it, and disappeared. I’m… honestly not sure if I want to encounter her again tonight.” He laughed slightly. “Of course, saying something like that, I’m sure I sound absolutely ridiculous, don’t I? I probably sleepwalked my way home and saw a dream like that on my way there.”

Renko realized she’d been staring intently at the professor, and immediately apologized.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to belittle your story by glaring at you like this was an interrogation!”

“It’s fine! I probably wasted your time by telling you fanciful stories like that. Anyway, that’s basically all I know. I saw someone that greatly resembled Ms. Hearn the other day in the courtyard at night. I know that’s not probably very helpful, but I wanted to at least-”

Renko stood up sharply. “Actually, it’s very helpful! Comparatively to what I’ve had to go on, at least. Well, actually, I should get going. Maybe I’ll be able to see her, or see someone else who has if they’re out this late. Thank you very much for your time!”

“I wish you the best of luck on your search! Ms. Hearn has been greatly missed in the Psychology department, and I include myself in that. Have a good night!”

“You as well!”

Renko practically bolted out of the office and down the steps to the courtyard. She looked up at the sky. At 7:45:32 PM, the sky had darkened enough in the winter months to allow her to see the stars. The courtyard, however, was empty. Maybe she’d gotten here too late?

She stood there, breathlessly, for what seemed like hours (but was actually closer to just one.) At nearly 8:30, she sighed and started her walk home. 

After she arrived and dejectedly changed into her nightgown, she curled into her still-cold futon. A thought appeared in her head, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Tomorrow, I’ll search one more time.”

Searching didn’t seem like it would be particularly fruitful, logically, yet somewhere, somehow, a completely illogical part of Renko’s brain was screaming at her to spend the next day doing so. And somehow, she knew it was right.

She closed her eyes with determination, and opened them to the dawn of a gray, deeply cloudy February day. 

Quickly, as if she had no time to lose, she pulled on her warmest outfit, and left the house without so much as getting a cup of coffee. 

The first item on her list was heading to the courtyard again, but like before, there was no one there. Besides a few sleepy students cradling cans of coffee and tea. 

When the first trains started running, a thought popped into her head. Rendaino, maybe? She’d only searched there a few times, and even if Merry thought spider lilies were creepy, it was still the setting of their first truly otherworldly adventure. 

On the train, she ordered a parfait, and thought about the first time the two of them had taken the Tokaido to Tokyo. Merry had been so nervous passing under Mt. Fuji, but looking back on it, she was usually in a more pleasant mood than usual at spiritual spots, somehow. How odd.

The back of Renko’s head said “You can ask her about that when you meet her again.” out of nowhere, and she blinked suddenly. Maybe she’d share a parfait with her, too? She half-laughed.

When she got off, she decided that the graveyard was most definitely less creepy during the daytime. The red spider lilies weren’t even blooming, besides, oddly enough, near the grave the two of them had found was the entrance to the Netherworld. Maybe there was a border where the seasons were blurred a bit?

That sort of thing was something that Merry would say, definitely.

Regardless, nothing was there. (Besides, of course, the entrance to the Netherworld.) Renko boarded the train again, and decided to knock out both lunch and the next location on her list at the same time.

Cafe Satellite was open as it always was on weekdays, and the coffee that Renko chose was delicious as always. Merry’s favorite was still on the regular menu, surprisingly, since in her entire experience with that cafe, Renko had only ever seen her order it. 

They always ordered the same sandwiches, though. 

After a (rather late; she’d underestimated the time for the train) lunch, Renko realized there was only one place left on her list. There was a panic growing in her chest. What if she’d been fooling herself? What if she’d just been trying to convince herself that there was something in searching today, but it was just a delusion after all?

The sun set as she walked up down the road to the park.

She arrived after dark. She sat down on the bench across from the cloud-reflecting pond, and sighed. She didn’t know what time it was, and frankly, she didn’t care. She just didn’t want to go home empty-handed again.

Just as she was thinking this, a sudden gust of wind blew her hat from her head, and she yelped and dashed after it. She dusted herself off after catching it, then looked up with a sigh. Then stood still for a second.

Why did the moon, now that the wind had blown the clouds away, look so beautiful tonight?

After seeing it, she realized just how late it was. Almost nine, far too late to be out searching on her own. With just a dash of panic in her heart, she walked down the path away from the park, lit by the full moon the whole time.

Without realizing it, she started walking faster, and then broke into a run. 

Just like she had on that rainy night two months before, she almost tripped over herself running up to the door, and her key trembled in the lock before she swiftly shoved it open and fell over into the apartment.

She picked herself up off the floor and looked down to take off her shoes, when she saw something that made her freeze solid.

In the umbrella stand to her right sat, as if it belonged there, a pale pink umbrella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Dr. Shikibu's name is an esoteric joke.


	4. Chapter 4

Renko’s world felt like it had suddenly been thrown into slow motion. She blinked, then slowly looked up. 

Before her, sitting at the kitchen table, with a smile on her face, was-

“Merry!”

The cry sprung from her throat before she could stop herself, and shoes still on from her run, she flung herself across the room and held her- her, the person she’d been searching for, the one who she knew didn’t abandon her, her fragment of fantasy- tighter than she ever had before.

“Merry- Merry, it is you, right? You’re here? You’re not going to disappear again?”

A voice- Merry’s, that she’d almost forgotten the sound of- gently replied. “Of course it’s me, Renko.” Slender, but strong arms finally returned Renko’s embrace. “I’m here. I promise, I won’t ever do anything like that again.”

Renko just held her for what seemed like ages. Somewhere in that interminable time, she realized she had been crying.

“I’m sorry, I thought- I’m probably ruining your dress, aren’t I? Crying into it. Silly sentimental me. I should have known you’d come back sometime, ahaha…”

“I... missed you.” Said uncharacteristically softly, even for Merry.

“I missed you too.” Renko wiped away her tears with her sleeve.

Merry held her silently for a few minutes, then gently unentangled her arms from Renko’s embrace. “I’m happy to be back, too. Aren’t you ever going to ask me what happened, though?”

Renko laughed softly. “Yeah. Of course I want to know! But you’re here and… I’m just holding this moment close, you know?”

Merry smiled. “Me too.”

Renko shimmied off her lap and pulled up the other chair next to her. “Well, I’ve done enough moment-holding, at least for now. I want to do plenty of Merry-holding later, though. So? How did you-”

Renko blinked. She’d missed it thanks to the joy of seeing Merry again, but didn’t Merry look… unusual?

The Merry Renko remembered had just cut her hair, but this Merry’s hair almost reached the floor, covered in tiny red bows. Merry was definitely shorter before, too, despite being tall even among westerners. And did Merry… smile like that? Her smiles were often mysterious, but this one was… unsettling.

And speaking of unsettling… it had always been uncomfortable to make eye contact with Merry, even back when they’d first met. But those unsettling eyes of hers… they hadn’t been that piercing, had they? Had they? Actually, had they been that violet either? Or…

Renko was sure it was just a trick of the light, but it almost looked like Merry had slit pupils, like a cat’s.

“Renko?” What appeared to be Merry tilted her head to the side. Her smile had disappeared and been replaced with a look of concern. “What’s wrong?”

But at the same time, the way Merry held her, the way Merry talked… those were the same. 

Somehow, Renko thought, this might be a strange Merry, but still unmistakably her. 

“Oh, sorry. You were going to explain how you disappeared, weren’t you? How did that happen, anyway?”

Merry sighed, whether out of relief or whatever else she was feeling. “I was, yes. It’s a long, long story, though.”

“I’m pretty well prepared, considering I’ve been waiting to hear it for two months.”

Merry smiled. “All right, then. As I’m sure you know, before I disappeared, we’d been both observing the growth of my abilities with both worry and excitement. Well, at least I was. I don’t know whether you were experiencing either or both of those emotions.”

“I was, yeah.”

“Then we’re on the same page! Excellent.” Merry coughed slightly. “Well, I’m sure you know where this is going, considering I’d been gaining a rather greater level of confidence in my abilities over the months leading up to my disappearance.”

“Merry.” Renko’s voice raised in pitch slightly. “I appreciate you attempting to ease me into this, but I need to know what happened. Both for my own personal peace of mind, and to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

Merry laughed and shook her head. “Well, you certainly don’t have to worry about it happening again! But regardless, I made an overestimation of what exactly I was capable of doing, and ended up making a mistake that sent me across space-time.”

“And what, exactly, was that?” Across space-time… so she’d just ended up going to another world, presumably. Why she hadn’t been able to get back for so long was a mystery, though.

Merry rested her head in her hands, with a slightly amused expression. “Remind me, Renko, your hypothesis on the manipulability of boundaries? I remember being given a short lecture on it, once upon a time, but I’ve forgotten the details.”

Renko sighed. “In the interest of you getting to the point, would the condensed version be acceptable?”

“Of course! Go ahead.”

“Yes, it’s possible, obviously, considering you exist. No, it’s probably not something that’s able to consciously be done, at least on a large scale or without using other implements, by humans at least.” Renko had grabbed her notebook and was reading out of it. “That’s why you get things like shrines being notable locations for strange phenomena, even without their gods’ presumed involvement. You’re an exception among humans for being able to perform any at all, even unconsciously or on a small scale, such as covering my eyes to allow me to see what you see. That’s the gist of it, basically.”

“Among humans, huh. Well, thank you for summarizing! You’re correct, at least partially. I was capable of small-scale, controlled manipulation of boundaries, as well as larger-scale uncontrolled versions of the same, but obviously, my abilities were growing.”

“Yeah, I kind of felt like my hypothesis was becoming outdated in the few months leading up to your disappearance, but I never ended up with a more developed one…” Renko was getting more and more tired of the circular conversation.

“Well, you were otherwise occupied!” Merry smiled. “Anyway, it’s not exactly like it’s impossible for humans to manipulate boundaries, or to comprehend them on large scales. Where the issue does come in, though, as I found, is attempting to consciously perform something on a large scale. Now, you’d think that that would be because a foolish human could never comprehend changing the universe so severely, or something like that.”

“With the way you’re saying that, it sounds like you think that’s not true.” Renko sighed.

“At least in my case. I think, in retrospect, the issue is more similar to a plant growing in too small of a pot.”

“How so?”

“A plant in too small of a pot will be unable to grow past a certain point, no? Within the pot, at least. Either it will remain small until it shrivels and dies, or it’ll break through the pot and grow to places unknown. The same sort of thing happens if a human attempts to manipulate a boundary in a way that a human simply cannot, on their own. Either they’ll be completely unable to, or the results will have a degree of unpredictability.”

“...What, exactly, did you do?” Renko shifted uncomfortably in her seat. 

“...I told you, on that day, that I was going to demonstrate something for you, did I not? Apologies if I’m misremembering, but I think I did.” Merry twirled a lock of hair around her finger. 

“Did that lead to whatever happened to you?”

“In the days leading up to that one, I’d been experimenting with causing the boundaries of two places to grow closer to each other, essentially allowing me to travel through space.” 

“And you didn’t tell me?” Renko raised her voice slightly.

“I did! After I was sure that I could, at least.”

“Isn’t experimenting with something like that rather irresponsible? Since apparently it caused you to disappear for two whole months.”

Merry gave an exasperated sigh. “Of course it’s irresponsible. You wouldn’t have allowed me to do it if you weren’t sure that it would be a success. Besides, simply connecting two places wasn’t actually the cause of my disappearance in the first place. Attempting to add a fourth dimension into the equation was.”

“And that would be?”

“Time.” Merry pulled out a fan from… somewhere, and flicked it open. “As you know, I prefer to be early for things, or at least on time. That night, I was intending to travel to you by demonstrating that something like the gap between ‘here’ and ‘there’ isn’t that wide at all, no matter where you are. However… I wasn’t quite skilled with that ability yet, which is something I now attribute to being human. It would take me several tries to open a way between two locations at all, and sometimes even when I did, the opening would close before I could cross it.”

“I see. So, you realized that you were running out of time to get there on time, thanks to how finicky it ended up being?” She could certainly relate to that idea, though on a much less dramatic scale. Although something didn’t feel right about that explanation, somehow.

“Correct! I can always rely on you, Renko. Seeing that, in my distraction, it was nearly eight already, I attempted to cross time as well, to reach you before I ended up being late. And serendipitously enough, that worked on the first try.” Merry glanced to the side. “...Well, to a certain degree of ‘worked’, anyway.”

“By which you mean, it didn’t.”

“I did, in fact, end up traveling backwards in time, to a different location within Japan. It simply happened to be… rather further than I expected.”

Renko simply stood up, walked over to the refrigerator, pulled out a can of coffee, opened it, and sat back down before replying. “How much further?”

“By my estimation, about five thousand years.”

Renko blinked. “Five… thousand…” She shook her head. “You’re telling me you traveled to the Joumon period?”

“I am, yes! Though I don’t know exactly when. It’s still an estimate, in the first place.”

Renko sipped her coffee slowly, without saying anything. She just stared at the table for a long time. Then, still saying nothing, she moved her chair next to Merry, and placed an arm around her.

Merry gently returned the gesture. 

“I’m glad you got back.”

“Hm?” 

Renko patted her shoulder softly. “I said, I’m glad you got back. I can’t imagine you being stuck in a time like that, with no idea of what to do or where to go, for any longer than two months. Heck, it looks like those two months have already made a pretty big impact on you, even if you’re in a lot better shape than I would have been after a couple weeks there.”

“Renko-”

“Well, maybe it was longer than two months, since your hair’s grown a lot after all. Either way, you can tell me all about it tomorrow. Never do anything like that again though, okay? For now, we need to contact- huh?” Renko patted her skirt pockets, but her phone wasn’t there. She looked up to see Merry holding it on the table all the way to her left. “Oh, did I drop that? Thanks.”

“Renko.” Merry wasn’t smiling.

“...Thanks for picking it up, can I have it back, please? Or was saying that your time in the Joumon period left an impact on you kind of rude? I guess it was, huh.”

“Renko, I didn’t travel back through time.”

“...Huh? But you’re here right now, aren’t-”

“I’ve been living through the years ever since then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Smash Bros. announcer voice]  
> Gay!


	5. Chapter 5

“...What?” Renko stared. Merry sat next to her, with an unreadable expression on her face.

“What as in you don’t understand, or what as in you’d like me to repeat myself?”

“Uh.” Renko awkwardly adjusted her position in her chair. “As in I don’t understand at all. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that I didn’t travel back into the future, obviously.”

“Well, yeah, I got that much, but… Merry, that’s not possible. Humans can’t live that long! Even with today’s medical technology, the longest anyone can live before their DNA starts to decay is around a hundred and twenty years, and you sure don’t look like an old woman in the first place.”

“I’m flattered.”

“Merry.” Renko was sitting straight up. “Humans cannot live for millennia.”

Merry gave a long sigh. “...That’s correct.”

“Therefore you-” Renko was about to finish her sentence with “must not have actually lived that long”, but Merry cut her off.

“Must not be human?” Merry gave an oddly bitter smile.

“...That’s… not what I was about to say.” Renko glanced at Merry’s eyes, and then just as quickly looked away. “That’s just as impossible as a human living for millennia, and you know it.” Still, she couldn’t get the piercing, ominous look of those eyes out of her head.

“Is it?” Merry blinked quizzically. “Even though I’ve existed within the realm of impossibility as long as you’ve known me?”

“I mean, uh…” 

“Besides, with the way you looked at me earlier, you’ve obviously noticed that there’s something strange about me, even if you refuse to believe that it’s inhumanity.” Merry sighed.

“...You really are sharp, you know that, Merry?”

Merry giggled. “I’ve been made vaguely aware! Though, to notice, you’re rather the same. Most people don’t, you know.”

“...Most people? Anyway, let’s continue, taking the premise that you’re not human at face value for now. How did that happen in the first place?”

“We~ell.” Merry leaned back in her chair. “People have believed for eons that humans who were particularly strange were either nonexistent, or simply couldn’t be humans. It’s just as simple as being rejected by humanity, and being considered… something else.” 

“So, something like a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

“Exactly!” Merry clapped her hands. “There’s a point where a human like that existing must be considered false. So, the incredible power of human imagination will simply… reject it.”

“Huh?”

“When I said that I was sent far further into the past than I expected thanks to the fact that a human simply couldn’t handle it, I wasn’t quite telling the truth. There’s many a human capable of strange and miraculous things.”

Renko frowned. “So if it’s not simply because you couldn’t handle it-”

“It’s simply that the humans of the modern day reject absolutely anything that contradicts their reality. The simple, logical world humans like you live in was tearing at the seams, attempting to accept that I existed. So, when I gave it an opportunity to fling me to a time and place that would accept my existence, it gladly took me up on the offer.”

“So, humanity basically tried to get rid of you? Subconsciously, that is.”

“Basically! Though I’m glad that I gave it the opportunity to do that, in hindsight. Had I not, I might have simply been erased!” Merry laughed incongruously lightly.

“That’s… not funny, Merry.” 

“Well, it didn’t happen, after all. I’m here, and I have no intention of being erased. And it seems that reality’s been unsuccessful in its later attempts, so…” Merry was still smiling.

Renko realized that in their metaphysical discussion, she’d completely forgotten to ask something slightly important.

“Um… Merry?”

“What is it?”

“When you say you’re not human… what are you, then?” Renko looked at her with just a little concern.

“Hmm? I would have thought it was obvious.” Merry smiled even wider, and leaned over towards Renko to gently tap her nose. “I’m a youkai, Renko dear.”

Renko nearly fell backwards out of her chair. “What?”

“Y-o-u-k-a-i. A youkai.” Merry was wearing the same incorrigible smile that had made Renko question who she was before. “Unless you’ve forgotten what those are?”

“No, I heard you, and I know what those are- well, at least the ones that you’ve told me about. I guess that I just, somehow… am surprised? Even though I admit that I’ve thought of you as youkai-like more than once.” There was also a more pressing question related to that statement that was ringing an alarm bell in Renko’s head.

“Hmm… well, I can’t say I wouldn’t be surprised, myself, if I was in your situation.” Merry fanned herself. “Speaking of your situation, actually, I’ve been keeping you here, talking, for an awfully long time. Would you like some tea?”

“Well, I had coffee earlier, but that sounds nice, actually.” Renko realized that she’d been unconsciously gripping her skirt, and let it go awkwardly. “Maybe some cookies? There are some in the pantry.” Did they have a teapot, though?

“Ooh, that sounds lovely!” Merry smiled. Instead of getting up to walk to the pantry, though, she simply reached into the space in front of her.

Then, there was a noise that Renko could only describe as something going very, very wrong with the fabric of reality. A sort of warping, ripping noise. Accompanying it, though, was something even worse. Where the air in front of Merry should have been was simply a patch of emptiness, filled with eyes staring back out at Renko.

The two adorable red bows tying each side of the void closed didn’t do much to dampen the unsettling feeling. Renko only watched, dumbfounded, as Merry reached into that emptiness and pulled out a pair of delicate porcelain teacups and saucers.

“Here.” One was placed gently in front of Renko. It was followed by a spoonful of tea, and then hot water, but Renko couldn’t stop staring at the teacup itself.

If she had had any doubts about Merry being a youkai, they had evaporated on the spot.

“Is black tea alright? I would have asked but you seemed slightly… occupied. By the teacup.” Merry was giggling a little bit.

“That’s, uh, fine! It is very nice. The teacup, I mean.” Renko had been slightly closing and opening her mouth like a fish, unable to get any words out.

“Hey, Renko.” Merry spoke softly.

“Um. Yes?”

“This is the reason, you know. Why I waited so long to come see you again.”

“What is?”

“Well, this.” Merry gestured vaguely to Renko’s reaction. “There’s no… nice… way to tell a human that one is a youkai, you know? And you only have the vaguest idea of what a youkai is in the first place.” She sighed. “I just… want you to know that you are precious to me. And that I would never attempt to harm you. I know that might not make it any less terrifying to be around me, of course. I just want you to know.”

Renko curled her legs up onto her chair. “...Thanks, Merry.” She sipped her tea slowly. It was definitely a nice black tea, she had to give it that. It had a hint of a fruity flavor she’d never tasted before, and she half-wondered if it was a plant that had gone extinct. “What is that, anyway?”

“This? It’s bergamot. Black tea with bergamot is a popular combination… or used to be, anyway, before growing aridity nearly wiped the trees out. They’re being brought back now thanks to either cloning efforts or that seed vault humans made about a century or so ago, I forget? But it’s still pretty uncommon to see it in teas, nowadays.” Merry took a delicate bite out of a butter cookie that had appeared along with a small tin of its compatriots on the table. “Do you like it?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s delicious. I wasn’t talking about the tea, though.” Renko pointed at the still unmoving emptiness before Merry. “What is that?”

“Oh! My apologies. That’s… well, I didn’t decide on a name for them that wasn’t incredibly wordy, but humans decided to call them ‘gaps’, so gaps they are. Their actual existence is more of a small, mobile removal of the boundary between two places. Incidentally, that’s what I was intending to demonstrate to you, all those years ago. Or a less developed version of it, at any rate.”

Renko thought that if she’d seen that back then, she might have just passed out then and there in the park. Her train of thought, however, was interrupted by an enormous yawn.

“Oh, but I’m sorry. It’s awfully late for you, isn’t it? I kept you up.” Merry brushed an errant strand of hair out of her face. 

“No, I-” Renko yawned again despite the tea. “Well, yeah, it’s late, but it’s kind of a special occasion.” 

“It is, but I’ve done enough damage to your college career as it is, haven’t I? I want you to take care of yourself, not just sit up chatting into the morning for my own sake.” She gently smiled. The so-called gap had thankfully been closed. “It’s not like I won’t come back tomorrow, after all. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“...You’re not staying the night?” Renko’s voice pitched up slightly. The voice in the back of her mind going what-if-she-disappears-again woke up in full force upon hearing that.

Merry blinked. “...Well, I certainly can. I just thought that you wouldn’t want me to.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you to?”

“Well, you did seem to be a bit put off earlier. I wouldn’t want to make you feel unsafe, you know? There’s also the fact that I probably wouldn’t be able to get much sleep… But I can stay with you, if you like.”

“Merry, you’re important to me. No matter what kind of being you are. I don’t want you to disappear again, so stay with me, alright? At least tonight.” Renko finished off her tea and yawned again. “How are you not going to be able to sleep, though? It’s-” she glanced out the window- “2:37 AM.”

Merry yawned in reply. Renko noticed that the yawn exposed a set of sharply pointed teeth, but in her half-awake state, barely registered it. “Maybe I will take a nap. Since it seems like your sleepiness is contagious, Renko.”

“Isn’t the contagiousness of yawns a pretty well-documented psychological phenomenon?”

“That’s true. I generally don’t sleep at night, so that’s why I’m not expecting to get much rest. But maybe you’ll rub off on me a little.”

“Oh, nocturnal. Huh. But, well, if you’re fine with it, would you mind, um. Maybe sleeping in the futon with me? Or at least letting me hold you. I’ve missed you, is all.” Renko awkwardly brushed her hair aside.

Merry leaned towards her and gently tapped her on the forehead. “I’ve missed you too, you know. I’d love to do that, even if it’ll be hard for us to fall asleep together.” She straightened up abruptly. “Oh, but do you mind if I go get changed first? I’m glad you kept my things here-” she glanced at the peacoat hanging off of the hat rack- “but they’ll probably be a little bit short, at the very least.”

“Oh, sure.”

“And of course you can have this back.” Merry slid the phone back across the table to Renko. “I trust you to understand this already, but just to make sure: I’d rather you not contact anyone else about me. I’d hate to dash their hopes, you know?” And with that, she tumbled out of her chair and into a gash in reality’s side. 

Renko sighed softly in understanding, and went to change into her pajamas. She looked into the closet and pulled out a nightgown, before realizing with a start that it wasn’t hers. The ruffled hem, in hindsight, should have given it away…

She put it on anyway, giggling to herself. Not her usual style at all, but, well, she had to do _something_ to celebrate Merry’s return, didn’t she?

She brushed her hair in the mirror and twirled around. In something like this, she looked almost like the protagonist of a romance novel.

“It looks good on you.” Followed by a laugh. 

“Ah! Merry!” Renko spun around. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Well, that would be because I just got back, wouldn’t it?” Long blonde hair almost matching the cream of a long frilled nightgown stood in the doorway, laughing at Renko’s antics. “I’m not kidding, though. Although personally I feel you fit the Byronic hero more.”

“Yeah, me too. Just for tonight, though, I’m cosplaying as the heroine. Since she’s decided to grace me with her presence.” Renko spun over to where Merry was standing and clung to her. “But how did you get all the ruffles on that, anyway? It looks like it would be a lot of work.”

“Oh, you want me to divulge absolutely all my secrets? Weeell, I’ll tell you. The secret is… I know an excellent seamstress.”

“Huh? But you used to make all of your own clothes…”

“Well, programming’s more of a hobby for me than dressmaking nowadays. But I do make all of my day clothes! Just not things that I won’t be wearing out.” 

“Ah, you’ve grown so much from the script kiddie I knew back in our first year.” Renko laughed, and then yawned. “Whoever it is got your style down pat, though.”

“We should head to bed, I think. I know you’ve had an exciting day, but passing out barely a meter from your own futon is something I won’t allow.”

“Right, right.” 

The two of them unfolded the futon and snuggled into the sheets together. Renko was still clinging close to Merry as she pulled the cover up.

“You know-” a yawn- “I still have questions for you for later.”

“Hmm? Did you say something? I was marveling at how you’re exactly as soft to hold as I remember.”

“I said-”

“Just teasing. Yes, of course I’ll answer your questions, Renko. As many as you like. Tomorrow, though. I’d rather you remember than fall asleep in the middle of my answers.”

“Thanks. You’re warm.”

“You are too. Good night, Renko.”

“Good night, Merry.”

Renko drifted off to sleep calmly and happily for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So Your Girlfriend Isn't Human;" a manual for dealing with all the questions you may have!  
> (It's empty)


	6. Chapter 6

The sleep itself, however, was less quiet.

After drifting off cozily, Renko opened her still-closed eyes to nightmare after nightmare. 

In one, Merry was disappearing over and over and over again, Renko being close enough to touch her but not able to hold onto her. It looped for what seemed like hours on end, letting Renko only watch her fade again and again.

In another, Renko met Merry that evening when she’d visited the psychology department, and ran through the courtyard to her, only to be greeted by a cold stare and a “...And who are you?”

Before she could even fall to her knees in despair, she was back in her apartment, having a chat with Merry she vaguely remembered from a while ago.

“Actually, you have kind of picked up a habit of getting attacked by monsters, Merry.”

Merry just sighed and shook her head. “Well, I’ve had to get used to it by now, at any rate. And it does make sense that they’d recognize me as a foreign presence, since I see them fluctuate like that. Maybe they see me as some sort of ghostly being?”

“Well, even if they see you as a ghost, you’ve definitely got a physical body, so you should be careful… Wait, how do they even attack you, anyway? Like wild animals?” Renko rested her chin on her hand. 

“More like birds. Or maybe like subatomic particles in a vacuum? They just come diving out of the sky at me. Although I don’t know what would happen if they caught me, anyway, since I usually wake up before they even get close.” 

“Well, if you’re calling them youkai, I have a few guesses… Still, what kind of youkai were they, anyway? Kappa? Or since they come swooping down at you, maybe tengu?”

“They were humanoid, actually… Although, I don’t think physical form holds any meaning in that otherworldly place, anyway.”

The world in front of Renko warped, and she found herself sitting on the other side of the same table, just as she had been last night.

A Merry that she couldn’t imagine getting swooped down upon by a youkai sat across from her, sipping tea. 

Renko stiffened up. “Hey, Merry-”

“Hm?”

“Do you remember when we wrote Swallowstone Naturalis Historia?”

“Vaguely, yes. Why?”

“You told me about youkai back then.”

“I did, did I?”

“Yeah, and I was just wondering, if you’re a youkai… Why aren’t you treating me like they did you?”

“Hmm?” Merry glanced over towards her. Renko was transfixed by that deep violet stare, like- like an insect pinned for display- “How so?”

“Attacking me.”

Merry smiled and stood up demurely, then slowly walked around the table towards her, staring all the time. “Oh, Renko…” She gently lifted up Renko’s chin in her hand, giving Renko an acute awareness of her exposed throat. “Did I ever say I was not?”

Renko jolted awake with a start, flailing around wildly in the net that was restraining her- wait, not a net, a mess of long, golden hair. She was lying safe in bed next to Merry, or had been until she’d abruptly sat up.

“Nn? Renko? What is it?” A sleepy voice from next to her said. “I was just falling asleep… Oh, did you have a nightmare?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Renko couldn’t get her heartbeat to slow. “Did I flail around so much I woke you up? Sorry about that.”

“Not just that, but yes. Do you want to talk about it?” Merry blinked the sleep out of her eyes. “I’ve certainly made you listen to my dreams enough times.” 

“Uh… maybe later. It wasn’t that bad, anyway.”

“Really? You were yelling in your sleep earlier. But as long as you’re sure.”

“Well, I had an earlier one that was worse, but I’ve mostly gotten over that now. What time is it, anyway?” Renko glanced at the window covered with blinds.

“Oh, I can-” Merry reached past Renko and pulled open the blinds. Renko jolted back a little in surprise, but managed to keep her composure. “There we go. Sorry, I don’t generally have a phone on me when I’m out here. I’m sorry about your awful sleep, though.”

“It’s fine, honest.” Renko looked out the window for a moment. “6:42 AM, huh. It’s almost time for my alarm to go off anyway.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to try and get some more sleep?” Merry frowned and moved to close the blinds again before Renko waved her away.

“I probably can’t even fall asleep in twenty minutes, much less get some rest.” Renko began the process of disentangling herself from Merry’s hair.

“Mm, alright. Would you like to go for a walk instead, then? To clear your head. I can make you some breakfast. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that the pantry’s pretty empty, considering you.” Merry smiled slightly.

“Yeah, it is. You can just make me some toast or whatever, I guess. A walk does sound good, though, thanks.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks.”

Renko pulled on her clothes and headed out the door as Merry, yawning, made her way to the kitchen. 

The sky outside was just lightening, but it was still cold. The chill made Renko feel a little better. Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about the question she’d asked in that last dream. Why was Merry treating her the way she was? She found herself pacing circles around the apartment, rather than going anywhere.

“Well, maybe I’m not a contaminant.” Renko decided. If anything, Merry was the one being rejected by this world, so she was probably more afraid of humans than they had reason to be of her. Probably.

She nearly tripped over an overturned trash can as she was thinking, and had to pause to pick it back up. 

She’d have to ask Merry about that… sometime. Not right now.

She looked up at the sky, sighed, and walked indoors briskly. It was a little past seven, so she should probably head back and get her things together.

She opened the door to the smell of grilled fish and the sight of Merry in an apron.

“Welcome home, Renko!” Merry smiled. “You didn’t even have bread, so I decided to get some things to make you a proper breakfast, after realizing I completely interrupted you having dinner yesterday. It’s simple, but it should be filling. Here.”

“Thanks.” Renko received a bowl of rice and the fish. “You didn’t have to do all that, you know.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to do to keep myself up? I-” She yawned. “I got up early yesterday, after all. I should probably go home to sleep after you head out.” 

“Where do you live, anyway? In those gaps?”

“In something you could consider a gap, at any rate. On the border between this world and Gensoukyou, the last refuge of fantasy.”

“Gensoukyou? That’s a funny name.”

“Suitable for a paradise for those rejected by common sense, I think.” Merry leaned back in her chair. “I was one of its architects, you know!”

“Oh, the name makes complete sense now, I understand.” Renko deadpanned. “You’ve been up to a lot, though, haven’t you?”

“A lady has to have her hobbies. And if those hobbies also help her avoid the curse of human imagination, it’s a fantastic bonus.” Merry yawned again. “I’m really sleepy…”

“I’d be sleepy too if I were you. This is really good, by the way.” 

“You should hurry up and finish it before the fish gets cold. And if you don’t want to miss your lecture.” Merry put her own bowl in the sink. “I’ll be back this afternoon, if that’s alright?”

“Of course! I’m gonna be out at five, though, so you can come later if you want.”

“I appreciate it.” Another yawn. “Good night then, Renko.” 

“Good night!” Renko waved.

Merry blew her a kiss, then dropped through the floorboards. Renko smiled slightly. She wasn’t as nervous around Merry when she was sleepy, somehow.

Maybe she’d get some more answers this afternoon.

With that, she bolted out the door and dashed headlong towards campus, already late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares make you breakfast sometimes. It's fine.


	7. Chapter 7

Renko had been attentive enough in her classes to draw a few surprised glances, but she didn’t particularly care, thinking back on it as she walked home. She had better things to worry about than looking like a bit of a weirdo, and the fact that she felt like graduating was something that she would actually do was bolstering her spirit. Not that her grades had been in any dire danger before, but…

There was a change in her state of her mind. Or something. 

Still, thinking about talking to Merry did make her nervous. Maybe she’d just put off the questions till later? She had so much to reminisce with her about, there was probably time in the future to address… all that. 

On the other hand, though, Renko was a chronic procrastinator and knew exactly what would happen if she put something off. Especially something important.

She sighed, opened the door to the apartment, pulled up to her desk, and put her tablet into non-holographic mode. Then she got to work attempting to actually look at the material she was supposed to be reviewing, half falling asleep thinking about ohms. 

After somewhere near an hour, she got up to get a drink of water, and walking into the living room, saw a familiar face. 

“Oh, hey, Merry.”

The someone in question was absently reading and jotting down notes in pen on a piece of paper on the side. She brightened up immediately upon seeing Renko, though. “Oh, hello! I was wondering when you’d be coming out. This is terribly dry, you know. And mostly wrong.” She shut the book with a thud.

“...Are you reading one of your old textbooks?” Renko sat down on the floor next to her. 

“I showed up and saw you were busy, so I had to find some way to pass the time, didn’t I?” She set the book down next to herself and smiled warmly. “I hope that you weren’t too exhausted today.”

“No, if anything, I had more energy than usual. Super Renko is back in business, baby!” Renko struck a pose while Merry giggled.

“I’m glad! I wanted to spend some time with you this evening, at least. Even if you’re busy, as it seems.”

“Oh, I’m mostly done. I’ve just been doing review for my finals at the end of the month. I had the same idea, actually! Since you haven’t exactly been back for long, I want to make up for the time we lost, you know?” That was definitely too cheesy, Renko thought. 

Confirming her suspicions, Merry giggled. Although recently she laughed at most things. 

“That’s a wonderful idea! I actually brought something to celebrate the occasion, if you’re up for it?” Merry reached behind her back and pulled out a bottle. 

“Oh, sake? That sounds nice.” Renko peeked at the label inquisitively.

“Old-style, specifically. So you in particular should probably go a little easy on it.” Merry smiled. “It’s very good, though. I’ve met the brewer a few times.”

“I’ll be fine, you know. I’ve always had the better alcohol tolerance, miss gets-drunk-off-one-glass-of-cider. You should be the one watching out, really.”

“Oh, youkai are quite resistant to poison, so it should be fine.” Merry smiled.

“Poison!?” Renko jerked backwards.

“...I mean the alcohol, Renko. Unless you’re unaware of the adverse effects of old-style alcohol, despite trying it out like a 40-year-old man deciding he’s suddenly become a connoisseur?”

Renko ruffled her hair awkwardly. “It’s just, uh, not usually referred to as poison, is all. Though I guess it is.” She didn’t want to admit that she was still on edge. “But I’ll be careful, I guess.”

“I’ll try to keep an eye out for you too, then.” Merry poured a small cup for both Renko and herself, then picked hers up and took a sip. She sighed happily. “It’s good to see you in high spirits, though. The past two months were… difficult.”

“Yeah, I did.. not deal with that particularly well.” Renko took a cautious sip, but for all intents and purposes, it seemed to be completely normal sake. If quite good. “You’ve been hanging around campus for a while, then, I expect?”

“Mm. For about half a month, I’d say. Loath as I am to agree with her, a certain person has not incorrectly called me a coward, on occasion. I only saw you a few times, but you looked…”

“Exhausted?” Renko laughed a little. “Yeah.”

“That, and perpetually lost in thought. I was taking care to hide myself, but recently, I couldn’t bear to see you like that, so… perhaps I was a bit less careful. And maybe a bit nostalgic. I’ll probably never get my degree, you know.”

“Yeah, I don’t know how a university in Kyoto of all places would feel about accepting a youkai.”

“That, and getting proof of my existence as a human, as a youkai, would probably have unfortunate consequences. It’s already not exactly good for me to come out here for the winter months.” Merry sighed. 

“Oh yeah, yesterday-” Renko took another sip. “You implied that I didn’t know that much about what youkai were. When you were telling me I was precious to you, and all that?”

Merry blushed slightly. “I do remember something of that nature, yes.”

“Can you tell me more about them? Or, well, about you, I guess. Our running theory was that they were quantum fluctuations in reality on a larger scale than subatomic particles, but I get the feeling that that’s not the case, at least from how you describe them. So what’s with youkai?”

“Well… you know the four fundamental forces, correct?”

“Yeah, gravity, electromagnetism, and the strong and weak nuclear forces. Unified about 60 years ago into one finally complete standard model… or seemingly complete, anyway.”

“Yes, those. Well, it’s easier to understand what youkai are if you understand the standard model of today as incomplete- lacking a fifth force, that is most commonly embodied in the belief of highly sentient beings.” 

“Physicists never get a break, do we? Anyway, what’s this fifth force, anyway?”

“Well, to put it under a broad umbrella, it’s simply everything that humans think of as magic. Ranging from ghosts, to demons, to the ability to violate the other laws of physics. A large portion of these things have been created simply by humans believing that they are possibilities.”

“So, you’re basically saying give up on trying to understand the universe, it’s completely unpredictable and will contradict itself whenever it wants?” Renko threw up her hands in mocking despair. “Well, honestly, that doesn’t sound too out of character for the universe. We still don’t know how the Big Bang happened.”

“Exactly! And youkai are one of the products of this unpredictability that you get when thinking beings are involved. We’re creations of human belief. If you think you saw a shadow behind a tree move, but there’s nothing there, that’s a youkai. If you think you see orbs of fire floating by a lake, that’s a youkai… and if someone disappears without a trace, that’s likely the work of youkai too.”

“But aren’t all those things explicable by just human error and our tendency towards magical thinking? Our brains are excellent at tricking ourselves, aren’t they?”

Merry took another sip and refilled her cup. “They most definitely are. And Occam’s razor says that the explanation that requires the least amount of assumptions- such as, say, assuming the existence of supernatural beings that are often unseen- to be true is most likely true. That’s why youkai don’t exist in this world.”

“But you’re- I mean, someone walking across boundaries in their dreams and bringing things back and leaping into a rip in reality filled with… whatever those are… right in front of you is obviously not something that’s just human error, is it?”

“Is it? It could easily just be sleight of hand. What if the bamboo shoots I brought back were artificial replicas, made with more modern methods than the mainstream? I could easily have made those cookies myself. You seeing into other worlds when I cover your eyes was just a shared delusion, and you could easily use either that or sleight of hand to explain my gaps, too.” Merry smiled. “Though I’m playing a bit of a dangerous game here, denying myself like this.”

“So you’re saying Occam’s razor is...”

“Everything can have more than one explanation, Renko. The explanation that states ‘I don’t understand this, so it must be something that fits into what I already understand in some way’ and the explanation that states ‘I don’t understand this, so it must be something that’s impossible for me to truly understand’ can both be true at different times, thanks to the incredible power of human imagination. Sometimes even at the same time, if a persistent belief has changed reality enough to remain mostly indelibly even after humans’ minds are changed.” Merry grinned. “That’s why I’m here, you know. Although there are certainly other ways besides mine to become persistent enough of a phantasm to maintain your existence in the world of humans.”

Renko stood up a little shakily and walked over to the refrigerator. She needed something to balance out the sake… and maybe to balance out Merry’s explanation, too. Thinking about it, in regards to physics, until something was observed, there would be infinite explanations for what it really was. If humans weren’t capable of observing the world properly thanks to their limited perception, that would probably explain multiple truths existing, wouldn’t it.

“Ow!” Renko hit her head on the roof of the refrigerator after leaning in to peer at what treasures occupied it. She rubbed her sore noggin and extricated herself more carefully this time, then made a mental note of the mystical objects inhabiting it: instant ramen, several sauces, and a few sad-looking artificial blocks of cheese.

She grappled heroically with the idea of consuming the cheese, but in the end failed and had to return to Merry on an empty stomach and a hastily patched-together comprehension of what the conversation was about. 

Merry looked at her with mild pity, then pulled some rice crackers out of nowhere and set them down. Renko, half-sliding down the wall, returned to her sitting position next to her. 

“Didn’t you say that coming out here wasn’t good for you, earlier, though?”

“It’s not exactly a spiritually healthy experience to visit a place that’s constantly denying your existence. Even for humans, really. I’m sure you remember what I was like when you’d just met me, before I’d properly joined the Sealing Club.”

“Yeah, you were… pretty dour.” 

“That’s one way to put it. There are beings for whom it’s relatively harmless to come to the world of humans, but they are mostly those that already have some grounding in reality beyond human belief. Like fairies, tied to the power of nature as a whole, or ghosts, grounded in their own human convictions. The way reality deals with human disbelief in them is simply by making them impossible for most humans to perceive. So, if you’ve ever been to a mystery spot and had an inexplicable chill run down your spine, that might very well have been a ghost!”

“Still, it’s got to be depressing to exist in a world where no humans can perceive you, isn’t it? Is Gensoukyou that claustrophobic of a place, that ghosts would want to visit here?”

Merry finished off her second cup. “Well, it is rather small, compared to Japan as a whole. But I think most of the time it’s just wanting a change of scenery after decades or centuries or so. Like a vacation, you know?”

Renko started upon hearing “centuries.” Right, she’d wanted to ask Merry something else. “Hey, Merry, I was just wondering…”

Merry nodded. “Go ahead.” 

“Well, there’s no way to put this that isn’t as blunt as a brick to the head, so might as well go all the way with it. Um… you said I was precious to you, and earlier you blushed when I mentioned it… and we slept in the same futon and held each other last night, but… I just want to know, uh… How do you feel about me?”

“Hmm? Isn’t it obvious?” Merry smiled softly. “I love you, Renko.”

Renko went bright red. “I- I- Um, well, I love you too! But I- I- I just, you’ve been around for a long time, and.” Renko collected herself. “And I thought you must have found someone else along the way, and I didn’t want to drag you down, and, well. Stuff like that.”

Merry tilted her head to the side. “Well… I have found someone else.”

Renko stared in shock. Merry had just been saying she loved her, was it just… had she just been lying to her to make her feel better?

“Many others, actually, over the years. But that doesn’t make you any less precious to me, you know. If two long-lived beings fall in love, they generally expect not to be each other’s only lovers. It’s already unlikely for humans to only find one person that they truly love over the course of their short lives. So it goes doubly for youkai and the like. It’s simply easier to be open and communicative about it.”

“But I’m… I’m a human, so would that sort of thing include me? I won’t be around for that long, after all, so…” The color was slowly draining back into Renko’s face even as she said that.

“No matter how long or short an experience is, it is still a precious part of one’s life. I’ve remembered the three years I spent with you for five thousand, after all.”

“Um, I…” Renko suddenly clung to Merry. “I hope you know you’re as important to me as I am to you.”

“I do, Renko. And I consider myself blessed to have had the chance to meet you, for so many reasons. I do want to ask if you’re comfortable with this arrangement yourself, though. I wouldn’t want to put you in a situation that made you feel uncomfortable, you know?”

Renko thought about it for a minute, still clinging to Merry like a koala to a tree. “I… think I’d like to meet her, if that’s okay? Er, I mean, if there’s just one her. I think I’m comfortable with it, but I’d like to have a face and a name, if that makes sense? Does that make sense?”

Merry softly stroked her hair. “Of course it does, Renko. I can take you to meet Yuyuko… sometime this week, if you’d like? She’ll probably be fine with it, since she loves visitors.”

Renko rolled into Merry’s lap. “Does she know about me?”

“Mmhmm. She actually said you sounded kind of cute. I do hope you like her, you two seem like you would get along.” Merry braided a strand of Renko’s hair.

“I’m not cute, I’m dapper…” Renko mumbled sleepily. “You’re the cute one.”

“You’re both cute and dapper, then. It’s undeniable.”

“Maybe you’re right. You’re still the cute one, though.”

“A hypothesis that can never be proven due to researcher bias, how tragic.” Merry was blushing regardless. “You seem like you’re about to fall over, though. At least it’s from sleepiness?”

“I can’t fall over, I’m already lying on your lap.” Renko sat up slowly. “But I am pretty sleepy. I did stay up late last night.”

“And I got up early today, once again. Would you like to hold me again tonight, by the way?”

“Of course!” Renko walked over to the bedroom. “Thank you for the sake, by the way. It was nice.”

“Warming, isn’t it? I’ll put the rest in the refrigerator. With the rest of the absolutely nothing in there.” Merry got up and walked over to the kitchen. 

“Thanks!”

Renko pulled on her proper nightgown this time, and snuggled under the covers. In a few minutes, Merry followed and curled up next to her.

“You know, you’re warm, Merry. I don’t know if I told you this before, but you’re really cozy and nice to hold.”

“You are too, Renko. You warm the heart too, you know.”

“Aww, Merry… Good night.”

“Good night.”

Renko drifted off to a cozy, undisturbed slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of the philosophical rambling in this chapter is inspired by things that are said in Forbidden Scrollery and Cage in Lunatic Runagate.


	8. Chapter 8

Thankfully, it remained undisturbed until the morning. With a slight headache, Renko sat up and looked down at the sleeping girl curled up next to her. It was still early, but Merry had managed to fall asleep already. 

Renko sighed and tucked the covers back over her properly as she got up to brush her hair.

After getting dressed, she looked out the window to a cloudy, chilly-looking day.

“You know, it’s been getting chillier over these past few decades.”

Renko turned on her heel and slid into her chair, used to this routine by now. 

“Yeah, it has, apparently. Climate data is looking up… or maybe the albedo of the Earth has just gone up so much that we’re about to enter another ice age.”

“If the latter’s going to happen, I’d better stock up on warm clothes.” Merry laughed. “I got up because I wanted to ask you something, though.”

“Oh? What’s that?” Renko pushed the start button on the toaster by hand. She’d turned off the microphone capabilities by force about a year and a half ago. 

“The bread’s still sitting on the counter, you know. Unless you simply want to toast the air.”

“Oh, jeez. Well, go on, go on.” Renko tossed the bread into the toaster halfway through the cycle.

“No, no, that’s all I wanted to say.” Merry doubled over giggling.

“That wasn’t a question, though.”

“I was kidding!” Merry straightened up. “What I actually wanted to ask you was if you’d like to go out tonight, perhaps. As a date.”

Renko went pink. “Um. Where to?”

“Wherever you like. But I do seem to remember that there was a certain tradition humans keep around this date, wasn’t there?”

“This date… Wait, hold on!” Renko scrambled for her phone. “Aaagh, it is, isn’t it? You should have told me!”

“Well, I figured telling you it was almost Valentine’s when you had other things on your mind might be… a little stressful.” Merry smiled and leaned onto her hands, folded on the table. “It doesn’t have to be a big occasion, though. Or a particularly romantic one, if you don’t feel like it. I just feel like giving you something.” 

“Merry, you know that’s not fair…” Renko groaned. “I would have gotten you something too if I knew…”

“But you didn’t, so I get to make it all my treat!” She grinned. “Really, though, you can decide what you’d like to do this afternoon, if you have difficulty deciding so quickly. I could take you on a romantic trip to Paris, perhaps?”

“And how would we get there? Wait, nevermind, I just realized.” Renko adjusted her hat. “I’d… prefer to travel by more, uh, human means, in future. If that’s okay with you. And yeah, I can pick out a place while I’m in class, I think. I’m still gonna try and get you something, though!”

Merry tilted her head to the side. “Hmmm, alright. I’ll keep that in mind. Unless it’s a dire situation, if that’s fine by you?”

“Right, of course.” Renko pulled on her messenger bag. “Well, I’ll see you this afternoon, then. I hope you have a good night, er, day.” 

“I will! You as well!” Merry waved as Renko walked out the door to an uneventful day of classes.

* * *

When she got out, the sun was still shining in the sky, so she decided to stop by a little boutique on the way. She noticed far more couples walking down the street than usual, but, she thought to herself, she probably wouldn’t even have noticed had it not been for Merry bringing it up. She always kept track of the date by looking at the sky, so on cloudy days like this, she usually worked on autopilot.

The store’s bell jingled as she walked in. The shelves lined with paper products seemed just as out of place as usual in this digital world, she thought, but she’d probably find what she was looking for here. They usually had some, at least.

A cheery voice from the back of the shop said “Welcome!” and a little old lady hurried over to the front desk. “Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Renko looked around awkwardly. “You know those paper flowers you have in stock sometimes? Are you stocking some today, or are you all out? I’m looking to buy some for a friend, you see.”

The woman stood there for a moment, then brightened in recognition. “Oh! You’re that girl who always comes here around Valentine’s, aren’t you? Keeping the tradition of roses for a lover alive, as always.”

Renko blushed. “Yeah, I’ve been told I’m old-fashioned more than once. Can’t get the fresh kind anymore, after all, so you’re my best bet in making myself look like I’m from the 21st century, you know?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Well, we actually do have some in stock! I keep them behind the counter, though, you see. Can’t have people picking and choosing from the bouquets and ruining the composition, can I? Would you like just one?”

“Just one is fine, thank you.” Renko put her phone down on the counter and the chip beeped out a completed transaction. 

“I remember seeing roses when I was a little girl, you know. I hope that cloning research progresses enough that you can someday, too.”

“Yeah.” Renko gave a sad smile.

Renko walked home with the bouquet of paper flowers, smiling to herself a bit less sadly. There was a restaurant in Tokyo that she thought Merry would like, and it wouldn’t probably be that crowded compared to the bustling Kyoto…

That was how she ended up sitting next to Merry on the Boyu Tokaido, at six PM, on a weekday.

It was decidedly bustling.

“Really, though, the craftsmanship on these is lovely. And unlike real roses, they’ll never fade, will they?”

Merry was still marveling at the bouquet Renko had given her. The businessman sitting in the seat across from the two of them glanced over awkwardly.

“Well, they may never fade, but they will eventually become brittle and rip. Probably.” 

“True. I was planning on bringing you a bouquet of the genuine article, but they do wilt so quickly… Maybe I’ll plant a miniature rosebush and give that to you instead.”

“The genuine article? Roses are extinct, you know?”

“Exactly. The common sense is that they no longer exist, so obviously they would still exist in a place with no common sense, wouldn’t they?”

“As usual, I don’t have any idea how that would work, physically.” Renko gave an apologetic look to the businessman, who was now looking at them as if Merry had grown a second head.

“I’ll have to take you for a visit sometime, really… Although it’s not exactly the type of place humans would want to visit.” Merry glanced at- well, knowing her, through- the Kaleido-screen. “Ah, so this doesn’t run under Mount Fuji after all, I see... “

“It doesn’t?” 

“It’s somewhat funny that even humans of this age are more superstitious than they are worried about structural failures, though.” Merry sighed. “Even if it’s ominous, though, it doesn’t make the scenery any less dull. It is a beautiful forest, despite everything, so simply seeing Fuji itself for an hour nonstop is a little disappointing. And a false Fuji, at that.”

“Oh, so that’s where it is. I was wondering how they got the go-ahead to build under a volcano, even if it is extinct.” 

“Well, you never know. They could have, with the fantastical abilities of bureaucracy pushing things through.”

“That’s true.” Renko sipped her canned coffee. To her, the false scenery was still lovely enough. “What’s it look like through the glass to you, Merry?”

“What do you expect? We’re in a subway tunnel, after all. It’s pretty boring.” Merry leaned on the glass. “Just a lot of LEDs lighting up concrete walls. Oh, an electrical panel just passed, how exciting.” 

“I can see how you were bored with it last time.” 

“Well, back then, I mostly saw the scenery on the Kaleido-screen. But I could probably tell that what was behind it was just as dull as the rest of this time.”

“Tokyo was a little less dull for you, I think.”

“Well, naturally. It’s returning to its roots quicker than the rest of this world is. Probably because the population there is so low, compared to what it once was. It would be hard to believe that ten million humans lived there once, if I hadn’t seen it myself.”

“I guess my family’s just particularly stubborn.” 

The businessman across from them coughed slightly and shifted away from Merry as subtly as he could. Renko smiled apologetically at him again, then tapped Merry on the shoulder.

“Why don’t we finish the rest of this journey in silence and continue this conversation once we reach Tokyo? I’d like to quietly spend some time with you, since it is Valentine’s and all.”

“I’d like that as well.” Merry smiled.

The rest of the trip passed without incident, besides the Kaleido-screen’s images slowly changing from day to night, in what Renko admittedly thought was a pretty poor transition. The station arrived faster than she remembered, and as the two walked to the restaurant, Merry breathed in deeply.

“The air is much fresher here.” 

“Than in Kyoto? Yeah. Although it’s still pretty barren of trees, it’s not as barren as Kyoto, after all… Besides the shrinking historical district.”

“Indeed. The wildflowers are lovely, too. Though I don’t think wild chrysanthemums are exactly what most have in mind when they think of a garden.”

“Maybe Tokyo’s still trying to be the capital, somehow.”

The two of them turned down an alleyway and entered a somewhat run-down looking restaurant. 

Renko took off her hat and stood in the entrance awkwardly. “Well, it may not be particularly romantic, but I have fond memories of it, so…”

“I love it!” Merry was beaming. “It’s charming.” 

“Oh, you’re the type to love quaint things, aren’t you? I’d forgotten.” Renko half grinned. “I hope you like the food, at least.” 

The two of them found a somewhat secluded corner to sit in, and settled down. After ordering their food, they started to chat.

“Honestly, I find places that are simply trying their hardest to be more appealing than those that attempt to achieve perfection, you know?” Merry was tapping her fingers on the table. “That doesn’t just go for restaurants, either.”

“I get what you mean. Isn’t this modern world of ours more the latter, after all?” 

“Exactly! You understand. It’s impossible to purify something entirely to remove the flaws, so at least accept their existence as a possibility. You certainly don’t have to be happy about it, but at the same time, no world can be a paradise, truly.”

“Even a world that you had a hand in creating?”

Merry smiled. “Even and especially that! Although it’s fine to call it paradise, in a sense of the word.”

“Seriously, how did that come about, anyway?” Renko leaned on the table. “Oh, thank you!”

The waiter had stopped by to put their meals down. Merry thanked him as well.

“How did it come about, or why did it come about? Which are you asking?”

“Well, primarily the former. But if you can explain the latter, that’d be nice too.”

“Well, luckily enough for you, the two are entirely interconnected! It was a trick question. So… what time, if you had to hazard a guess, would you say that youkai stopped being something that people properly believed in?”

“Edo period, probably. Well, to start. I’d bet that the Meiji Restoration was the final blow, though. Anti-superstition and all that. Kind of like the government of today, in that sense.”

“Correct on both counts. In the Edo period, youkai and other nonhumans began to realize that belief in them as truly concrete beings was fading. Though some of them believed that it was just a simple ebb in the tide, I, along with some others, was more concerned.”

“You were concerned because you’d experienced a spiritually dead period already, right?” 

“Exactly. Along with some others, I began to suggest a stopgap measure- no pun intended- in the event of a worst case scenario, where belief in gods and youkai had completely faded. Eventually, two other nonhumans worked alongside me in order to create the plans for what would eventually come to be known as Gensoukyou, though innumerable other gods and youkai also lent us some degree of aid along the way.”

“So, what is Gensoukyou, anyway? Another world, created for youkai to live in? Also, you should at least try your steak. It’s probably getting cold.”

“Oh, I should, shouldn’t I.” Merry took a few bites. “Hmm… It’s certainly well-made, but…”

“Do you not like it?”

“The seasoning is fine, but it feels like the meat itself doesn’t have much flavor, if that makes sense. It’s not synthetic, is it?”

“It’s not. It is lab-grown, like most stuff from more inexpensive restaurants, but there’s no real difference in the contents or anything.”

“Ah, I understand now.”

“Huh?” 

“It’s not important. Anyway, Gensoukyou is simply a particular area of Japan, separated from the rest of it by a great barrier of common sense. It’s difficult for sentient beings to cross over.”

“I’m pretty sure that there aren’t any areas of Japan that are inaccessible to sentient beings.”

“There aren’t. It’s more like… you have experience with image editing programs, of course, don’t you?”

“Yeah, what’s that got to do with anything?” Renko’s experience with image editing programs was mostly limited to frustration with their user interfaces and price tags, but she decided not to mention that.

“Passing the barrier is essentially like turning on one layer and turning off another. The basic topography is exactly the same- consider that the base layer- but the two upper layers, Gensoukyou and the world outside it, differ, both spiritually and, in minor ways, physically.”

“Spiritually, I assume that it’s a world that doesn’t require human belief for youkai and gods to exist within it, right?”

“Not exactly. There are humans living within it, in the first place. They simply experience youkai as common sense, like the people of Japan before the Edo period did. Therefore, we’re in no danger of disappearance.”

“What if information from the outside world leaks in? Also, it seems strange for humans to live in a land of phantasms.” If humans lived there, Merry wouldn’t have been recognizable as something unusual, would she? Why would youkai attack her, then?

“Humans are extraordinarily resistant to information that contradicts their prior beliefs, to put it lightly. That’s why so many humans in this world will deny youkai even if they see them. Remember that businessman on the train?” Merry twirled a long strand of hair around her finger. 

“I suppose that makes sense.” Renko didn’t bother repeating the question about why humans would want to live there. From Merry’s description, she almost wanted to live there, to experience a world like that. “So, how was this barrier created?” 

“Would you like a simple explanation, or would you like me to get into the nitty-gritty?”

“Normally, I’d say the nitty-gritty, but we are making an attempt to have a romantic dinner here, so a simple explanation would probably be best.” The attempt had already become kind of an abject failure, but at least she could salvage it, probably.

“Oh, we are, aren’t we… Oops.” Merry glanced down at her cold steak. “Well. It’s a barrier anchored to one spot by the spiritual power of a certain shrine. It was properly erected in 1885, by the combined efforts and unique abilities of a human shrine maiden, two youkai, and two gods… although one of those gods was less than amenable to the idea… defining the world of fantasy as one apart from that of reality.”

Renko clung to the few words in that explanation she comprehended. “Oh, so your powers being linked to shrines and temples is still something that holds true?”

“Hmm… not exactly? I’m certainly more capable when I am in liminal spaces, such as, for example, under the torii of a shrine. But those certainly aren’t the only liminal spaces that exist, and really, any boundary of phantasm and reality is especially powerful.”

“Oh, I see.” Renko suddenly thought of something. “Hey, Merry… Isn’t the idea of a world where the fantastical is reality somewhat like-”

“Somewhat like something you once told me?” Merry smiled. “I wasn’t lying when I said you were incredibly precious to me, you know. You’re the one who told me, after all, to make dreams into reality. I’ve hoped for a long time to show you the results of that, my precious partner.”

Renko went pink. 

“I’m truly so glad that I was given the chance to meet you again.”

“I… really, truly am too, Merry.” Renko teared up slightly. “Hey, Merry?”

“Yes?”

Renko carefully leaned across the table and suddenly embraced her. “I know I asked you this before, but… Promise you won’t disappear again, alright? On purpose or accidentally. At least without telling me anything first.”

“...I promise that.” As she said that, Merry’s eyes filled with tears, ever so slightly. 

Renko whispered close into Merry’s ear. “Thank you.” She planted a soft kiss on Merry’s cheek, quickly enough that no one else could see. The kind of secret that she always treasured.


	9. Chapter 9

After returning to Kyoto, the pair settled into a relatively familiar routine. Renko would head to school, slack off for most of the day, and return home to a Merry half-asleep on the kitchen table, after which they’d talk for a few hours, or maybe go on a walk. Then Renko would fall asleep, and Merry would return home to do… whatever she did. Maybe maintaining Gensoukyou was her day job.

The routine almost felt normal to Renko by the weekend, the first day of which Merry showed up upon surprisingly early. When asked why, she tilted her head to the side inquisitively.

“Hmm? I said I’d talk to Yuyuko about you meeting her this week, didn’t I? I just got around to it today.”

Renko, dragging an integral into place on her paper, made an affirmation. “Yeah. How’d it go, by the way? I hope I didn’t make anything weird for you two.”

“Oh, not at all! In fact, if you’re up for it, she’d be glad to see you as soon as today. Or at least that’s what she said to me earlier.” Merry fiddled with the (larger than before, Renko had remembered somewhat recently) ribbon on her hat. “I came to ask if that was fine with you, since we’d have to get prepared relatively early. It’s a while away, after all.”

Renko twirled her stylus around idly. “Sure. I’ve been wanting to see the kind of world you live in, after all.”

“Oh, it’s not Gensoukyou that we’ll be visiting, but I’m sure you’ll want to investigate it all the same.” Merry giggled. “You’ll have a lot of research material to look through! I hope you can deal with the workload.”

“Oh, be quiet. You know I can do it anyway, even if I don’t end up doing anything else till the last minute.”

“Just as I’d expect of you, Renko.”

* * *

“So… where are we headed, anyway?” Renko looked up from the crumpled occult magazine that had been stuffed into the back of the train seat. “You didn’t bother to tell me where this train is even going.”

“...You could look at the ticket, you know. Especially this far into the train ride.” Merry, despite jolting up and down with the older train model’s movement, was as prim and proper as Renko had recently come to expect from her, although the image was somewhat ruined by the tabloid magazine she was looking down at. “...Have humans always gotten up to this sort of thing? Set his hair on fire with a voice-activated toaster, really?”

“You should know as well as anyone, even if it’s just from observation.” Renko flicked through her phone until she pulled the digital ticket back up. “Rendaino, huh? I guess it is all sorts of spiritual.”

“I suppose you just have more tools at your disposal nowadays.” Merry glanced out the window. “It’s really too early for the cherry blossoms to be blooming, regardless, still…”

“Well, it can’t be helped. At least not by us. Hey, couldn’t you make an entrance to an otherworld from the apartment, anyway? Why are we taking the train?”

“What exactly happened to traveling by more human means, then?” Merry shut her tabloid. “Unless you want to try getting off here by gap.”

Renko laughed. “No thanks! I was just thinking that that trip would be pretty short, so…”

“The entrance, or for that matter any travel, would be exactly as short or long as I wanted it, I assure you. Anyway-” Merry was interrupted by a flat, feminine voice announcing their stop as the next one. “Anyway, we’re here, I suppose.”

The two exited the train. Merry surreptitiously folded her tabloid and placed it under her hat. Renko followed her out of the train station and down the poorly-lit streets, before realizing that the path they were taking was awfully familiar.

“The graveyard? Really?”

“Well, obviously. If we want to enter through human means, we’ll have to do a spot of playing grave robbers, won’t we?”

Renko would have thought it was less creepy without the red spider lilies blooming, but the surroundings still had an oppressive, chilling feel. Perhaps it was just the night air. “Enter where?”

“The Netherworld, of course. Why do you think we went this far north?”

“Because you felt nostalgic?” Renko said weakly. “But really, Merry, if we’re going to the Netherworld, this Yuyuko is…”

“A ghost, yes.” Merry had placed her hands on the top of the gravestone that Renko remembered by heart. Not that remembering it would be difficult for anyone, with the nearly eternally blooming red spider lilies there. “Apologies in advance, this might be a little more jarring than last time since I’m doing it a bit forcefully. Try to hold onto your hat.”

Renko grabbed the brim of her hat just as Merry nearly effortlessly gave the gravestone a twist. She was nearly knocked back by the blast of wind that roared forth, and was subsequently showered with cherry blossoms. 

“Really, though, a ghost…” Renko shivered a little bit. 

“You’re talking to a youkai right now, you know.” 

“That’s true, but even still, it’s a little spooky, you know?”

“Well, you’ve come this far. It would be rude to not at least say hello.” Merry walked through the entrance and held out her hand from the step above Renko. “I’m here, you know.”

Renko took her hand. “Right. Well, let’s go meet this ghost.” She stepped onto the stairs alongside Merry, and looked around.

The first thing she noticed was the panorama of cherry blossoms. She’d seen them before, almost four years ago now, but she hadn’t had the sheer number impressed upon her. When the wind blew, she imagined it would be a veritable blizzard.

The second thing she noticed was the number of stone stairs above and below her. At the top, she could barely glimpse what she thought appeared to be a mansion, and looking below her, she couldn’t even see the bottom.

Merry swung her hand gently. “Well, let’s get going, shall we?”

“I thought you said it was too early for cherry blossoms to be blooming.” Renko said. “Oh, and if the stairs are too long, you’re definitely carrying me.”

“Duly noted.” Merry acquiesced sagely. “They’re shorter than they seem, though.”

“We’ll see about that.”

The two of them set off up the long, winding stone staircase. Just a few minutes of climbing later, though, they were interrupted by a shout.

“Hey! You two there!” A blur of green and white came flying down through the air towards them. It stopped short just before reaching them, revealing itself as a woman wielding a pair of (ridiculously, Renko thought) long swords. “What do you think you’re doing, breaching the Netherworld’s barrier from the human side?”

Merry, unfazed by this authoritative question, simply waved. “Hello, Youmu. It seems you’re hard at work as ever. Although, considering who you apprehended, perhaps it’s hardly working?”

The woman jolted back in shock. What appeared to be a phantom floating beside her jolted back alongside. “Ah! I’m sorry, I noticed a weakening in the Netherworld’s barrier, but it seems like it was just you, Lady Yukari.” 

Renko interrupted at this. “Wait, Yukari?”

The phantom and woman floated gently down to the stairs. “That’s your companion’s name, isn’t it? Unless she’s going by something else now and I wasn’t made aware, in which case I apologize for my lack of tact.”

Merry’s face immediately took on a wide grin. “Oh, did Yuyuko not tell you? I’ve been going by Sumire for years now. But now that you mention it, I might want to switch it up again. Yes, perhaps I’ll go by Maribel?”

“Oh, I’m very sorry!” The woman exclaimed, bowing deeply. “I was negligent, and for that I apologize, Lady Ma- Meari- Maeribe-” Her face was slowly reddening.

“Merry, stop it.” Renko gently shoved Merry to the side. “What’s with the Yukari thing though, anyway?”

“It was a joke, Youmu. I still call myself Yakumo Yukari, and I plan to continue doing so for the known future.” Merry smiled. “As for the name, Renko, I decided on something more… pronounceable, if I was to be living in a different time and place for so long. With… a few… layers of literary puns, as an added bonus. Can you imagine me introducing myself as Maribel in the Asuka era?”

Renko stifled a giggle. “I sure can.”

“Can you imagine me doing that and being taken seriously?”

“Absolutely not. But you should have told me earlier that you were calling yourself something different! I don’t want to keep calling you a name that doesn’t apply to you any more.” Renko frowned. 

“You can call me whatever you want. And besides, I’m unfamiliar enough already, am I not?”

The phantom that had been floating over by the woman floated slowly in between the two. The pair glanced over at the woman- Youmu, Renko remembered- whose silver hair was still framing a bright blush. “Uh, I apologize for interrupting. But should I tell Lady Yuyuko that Lady Yukari and, er, Renko are visiting?”

“Oh, she already knows. But you can tell her again, if you’d like to feel useful?” Merry pulled a fan out of who knows where and tapped it to her chin. “Or if you’d prefer not to be the third party to a lovers’ chat.”

“Ah, I’ll say, uh, Lady Renko then! My apologies!” The woman turned an even brighter shade of red before turning around and dashing away up the stairs at a speed that Renko’s eyes couldn’t follow. 

“Really, she’s so half-baked…” Merry hummed. “Do you want me to carry you, Lady Renko? These stairs are long, after all, for a noble like you.” 

Renko regretfully thought she had a point, but shook her head and continued, despite being slightly out of breath. “Do I really have to be Lady Renko? You do have a point with the unfamiliarity, though. If you came and introduced yourself as Yukari the youkai I’d probably have gone and given myself a headache trying to convince myself that you weren’t yourself. Really though, do you want me to call you that, or-”

“I-told-you. You can call me whatever you want. I’m more defined as a series of legends than a name, in the first place. If you call Tamamo no Mae by the name Daji, does that make her a different being?”

“Both of those are assumed names, though… But I see what you mean. It’s more important that your name means ‘you’ than what that name is, to you? Is that it?”

“Essentially. Although expect to get some strange looks if you refer to me as Maribel among youkai of the modern day.”

“Aren’t youkai by definition not of the modern day? But I’ll keep that in mind. Maybe I’ll keep calling you Merry, and maybe I’ll call you Yukari someday. Do you have a family name, though?”

“Yakumo. Although it’s not exactly a family name, is it?”

“Well, what else am I supposed to call it? Besides, isn’t that definitely too pretentious?”

“Too late.” Merry (Yukari?) twirled around. “You can’t stop me from being known as that now. Besides, I did build an eightfold fence for my bride to live in, indirectly. Or at the very least for her dreams to do so.”

Renko went red. “Don’t go saying stupid things. I like the name, though. Yakumo Yukari has a nice lilt to it.”

“I almost went with Suzukaze, you know.”

“That’s definitely too pretentious!” Renko took off her hat and put it down on Yukari’s (she’d decided to at least think of her that way) head sharply. “I’m supposed to be the one coming up with flowery pen names, you know.”

“Oh yes, would you rather I have gone by Latency?”

The two continued bantering over their ideal pseudonyms almost to the top of the stairs, but were interrupted by a chilly breeze.

“Oh, it’s a pair of disaffected authors! How terrifying. Really, stealing the show in the Netherworld of all places with something this dreadful is…” 

“Is a disaffected poet any less ominous?” Yukari grinned at the newcomer. 

“Of course, since there are fewer words.” The speaker, a young woman who seemed to have had all the color washed out of her besides pale pink and blue, floated down towards Renko, surrounded by a seeming entourage of phantoms. “I was right, though, she is cute.”

“Didn’t you say she sounded cute? If you don’t give her any opportunity to speak, how could you know that one way or the other?” Yukari tilted her head to the side.

“Oh, I did say that, didn’t I? You’re just as guilty, though.”

“Can you two stop discussing whether I’m getting a word in edgewise and let me get one in edgewise instead?” Renko sighed. “You’re Yuyuko, right?”

The accused in question floated closer, so she was almost nose-to-nose with Renko. “See, I was right after all!” She smiled. “I am Saigyouji Yuyuko, yes. You’re Usami Renko! I’ve heard quite a lot about you, both recently and less so.”

“I’m flattered.” 

“Well, come in, come in. There’s dango for flower-viewing already inside. Although the cherry in the courtyard doesn’t bloom, I’m sure we can imagine it, just like the autumn moon.” The girl- the ghost, Renko belatedly reminded herself- turned around and floated up the last few steps. “Youmu, could you put some tea on for our guests?”

Renko glanced over to Yukari, who was just smiling.

“I thought the dead were supposed to be silent?”

“Don’t let her hear that.” Yukari said serenely. “The tea here is always delicious, but do let me try a sip of yours first. Just in case, you know.”

“Just in case?” 

“Just in case!” Yukari flounced into the doorway. “Oh, Youmu, if it’s not too late, do you have any white tea?”

The woman with hair whiter than the tea in question poked her head out of the kitchen. “Well, it isn’t quite spring yet outside of here, so…”

Yukari flopped down beside the table in a completely undignified manner. “It is in the outside world.”

“Oh, Youmu’s been reading some gardening books from there, so she ought to know… I’m disappointed.” Yuyuko gave an affected sigh.

“Isn’t it impossible to ship things here, though? Unless there’s a shipwreck.” Renko plopped down beside the other two women. 

“And that would ruin the tea! You’re right. It’s better to wait for Gensoukyou’s after all.” Yuyuko laughed and took a sip of her already-brewed tea. “What is the outside world like in spring anyway? I usually only visit in late summer to chaperone the phantoms. It’s been too hot lately to do anything else.”

“...Windy. And then wet. The cherry blossoms get ripped off of the trees pretty often.”

“Oh, that’s terrible! At least you can see the ones here, mm?”

“Yeah. When they’re blooming, that is.”

Yuyuko gave a tinkling laugh that reminded Renko of windchimes. Pretty fitting, for a ghost, she thought. “That’s always, though! This is a pure land, after all, so they don’t die back like normal cherry trees.”

“A pure land? Well, I suppose it is the Pure Land, but I don’t get what you mean by the latter part.” Renko said with her mouth half full of dango. 

“It’s free of impurity, in the Shinto sense, besides being, well, a Pure Land. Nothing dies here, and nothing is born either. Well, besides Yuyuko’s harebrained schemes, anyway.” Yukari leaned on the table sleepily. 

“That’s mean, Yukari! Besides, aren’t your schemes more likely to be hare-brained anyway? What with all the animals in your house.”

“There aren’t any rabbits. But you’re right, they do shed quite a lot…”

Renko interjected. “Before you two get too off track, am I right to think that it’s essentially pure because everything here’s already dead? Besides us, anyway.”

“And Youmu’s only halfway! But yes. Even if you’re killed in the Netherworld, being here is the same as being dead in the first place, so it doesn’t matter very much.”

“I feel like dying does matter, though. To humans.” 

“Well, anyhow. The cherry blossoms here don’t die because they’re not alive. In the same way peach trees on the Moon or in Heaven aren’t. So you can come see them at any time, if you like.”

“I’ve seen them in autumn once before, so that tracks. With Merry, actually.”

“Ohh, recently?” Yuyuko cocked her head. “Youmu told me earlier, but Merry is what Yukari used to call herself, right?”

“I used to call myself Maribel. Renko calls me Merry. Since apparently that name is particularly difficult to pronounce… Here, it’s written like this.” Merry pulled out a notebook and wrote something down, then handed it over to Yuyuko, who nodded appreciatively. 

“Well, it’s not like anyone else calls you Merry-whatever anyhow. Or, well. Did.”

“That’s true. But yes. The two of us opened an entrance to the Netherworld about, hmm. Renko, how many years ago was it?”

The sentence stung a little. “How come you can remember things like that for so long but not remember when they happened? Our first year in college, obviously.” And their first expedition as the Sealing Club, no less. 

“History is history. Do you remember the exact starting date of the Genpei War?”

“No, but I wasn’t there for it!”

“I do seem to remember some kind of disturbance a little bit ago. I sent Youmu to go fix it, but I don’t remember if she found anything…” Yuyuko took another sip of tea. 

“I didn’t, Lady Yuyuko. In fact, you scolded me for that. For a while.” Youmu leaned out of the kitchen holding a tray of what appeared to be danishes on their way to the oven. 

“Oh, is that-” Yuyuko was interrupted by Yukari sitting up with a shock and nearly knocking over her tea. “Are you quite alright?”

Yukari stood up swiftly. “Speaking of disturbances… I have the feeling that someone’s doing something incredibly foolish at the moment. I hate to have to leave you two like this without properly introducing you, but I’ll return in just a bit. Try not to do anything incredibly foolish yourselves, all right?”

“Of course. See you in a bit!”

“Where are you going?”

“Thank you both for the words of assurance, truly.” With that, Yukari leaned sideways and fell through the floor, leaving Yuyuko, Renko, and an exhausted-looking Youmu behind.

“...Honestly, where is she going?”

“Probably to check up on the Great Hakurei Barrier.” Yuyuko popped some dango into her mouth. “She’s always the type to check on disturbances herself, that one. It sounds so tiring, but she really can’t stop herself from fiddling with things until they go how she wants them to…”

“Great Hakurei Barrier? Is that the barrier around Gensoukyou, or a different one? Why’d she have to leave so quickly?”

“Humans and youkai and ghosts too love making tears in barriers, for various reasons. You demonstrated that yourself earlier, didn’t you?”

“It was Yukari’s idea to break in earlier tonight, though.”

“Oh, I mean earlier!”

“...You mean three years ago?”

“Anyway, it probably isn’t dangerous itself, but she likely just wants to find out who would do that sort of thing. Especially if it’s a bigger tear than the ones that just occur naturally. Well, I say naturally, but…” Yuyuko laughed about something to herself. 

“She is pretty curious, isn’t she. Well, at least I remember her being like that.”

“Curious…?” Yuyuko tilted her head to the side. Renko made a mental note of the fact that the gesture almost exactly mirrored a common one of Merry’s. “Well, close enough. It’s an endearing quality of hers.”

“A lot of her stranger qualities are really endearing, aren’t they?”

“I would be surprised that you’d say that, but at the same time, any human that Yukari loves as much as you is naturally going to be somewhat unusual.”

“Am I really that unusual?” Renko finished her tea. 

“Well, being a human that Yukari looks at like that is already unusual.” Yuyuko smiled. It felt oddly ominous.

“Wait, really? Even though she’s lived for so long.”

“The only other I know of was me. Really, I was surprised when she said she wanted to introduce you to me. But it’s obvious now, at least to me, that she genuinely loves you.”

“Is it really that surprising? I was the first person she fell in love with. Or at least that’s what she told me.”

“Oh, it’s not surprising that she loves you because of who you are and how much you mean to each other. It’s surprising because you’re a human.”

“Because I’m human this, because I’m human that. We can still communicate with each other and understand each other, can’t we?” Renko sighed. Honestly, she was getting tired of hearing about humanity’s flaws, as if she could do anything about being one.

Yuyuko, unexpectedly, frowned. “Well, you can, but she’s a youkai, isn’t she? Even for a rather strange human, that’s a bit strange too… I’m throwing stones from a glass house here, though.”

“What’s so much of a problem with her being a youkai!” Renko couldn’t stop herself from raising her voice. “I keep being told that it’s some kind of issue here, some kind of problem there, but nobody tells me why!” Her energy petered out. “It’s just kind of annoying, that’s all.”

“It’s not really a problem, but she’s a youkai. It’s very unusual for them to care about humans, considering what they are, after all. Although in your situation it seems fine, so.” Yuyuko took another sip of tea.

“And what exactly do you mean by that?” Renko asked, glaring across the table. 

“Mean by what?”

“What they are. Yukari already explained to me that they’re manifestations of human belief. What exactly don’t I get here?”

Yuyuko tilted her head to the side. “Ohhhhhhhhhh.”

“Oh what.”

“Of course she wouldn’t really lie to you, but… Well, you’re half right. Or something like that.”

Renko felt a chill that didn’t come from the phantoms surrounding her. “Half right?”

“You could say that youkai are made of human belief. But really, it would be more accurate to say they’re your fear given form.”

“Fear… given form, huh.” Renko glanced down at her empty teacup. 

“To continue existing in the forms they do, they’re feared by humans. And one of humanity’s most primal fears is, of course…”

Renko suddenly remembered her nightmare, and Merry talking about how youkai would swoop down out of the sky towards her.

“Even now, we’re still terrified of being prey.”

“Oh, you managed to figure it out before I had to explain it! Yes, that’s why so many legendary youkai are so famously man-eating monsters.”

“So do all youkai-” Does Merry- “Never mind. I don’t want to know. But why would she lie to me about something like that?”

Yuyuko tilted her head to the side. “Huh? Isn’t it obvious? She loves you. She doesn’t want you to be afraid of her. When I was human, I’m sure she did the same to me. Although back then, I would have heard legends, I’m sure…”

“You’re sure she did, instead of ‘she did’? Don’t you know what happened in your own life?” Renko’s heart was beating fast, thinking about the ways that she’d noticed how obviously inhuman Merry was during their first meeting, and how she’d just brushed it off as slightly creepy. Merry saying that she’d never harm her had a very different feeling, now.

“Well, I don’t remember much about being human. But that’s why I think she didn’t tell you the whole truth, anyway. I can’t know, and she didn’t tell me, so all I have is that guess and a thousand or so years of knowing her.”

“...Do you think I’m in any danger?”

“Hmm, that sort? Not at all.”

“Not at all?” Renko’s breathing slowed slightly. 

“Although I don’t remember much of it, Yukari met me when I was still a very vulnerable, weak human. Even if I had a certain unusual ability, I could still have been caught unawares and killed very, very easily. But she was entirely unrelated to my death, and is in fact most of the reason I’m still here.” Yuyuko laughed airily. “I remember that much nowadays, thanks to my own curiosity.”

“And you think I’m in the same situation?” Renko wanted to ask “what ability?” and “how did you die, then?” but felt strongly that now wasn’t the time.

“Yes. Arguably, you’re safer now than I was then, I think. Even if you are relatively powerless in comparison, you’re far more important to her than some girl she’s just met. As soon as she trusted me with the fact that she used to be human, she was talking about you, you know.”

“...She was, huh.” Renko had so many emotions swirling around in her head at the same time and couldn’t make sense of which ones to express, so she just started tearing up.

“Oh no, I’m sorry!” Yuyuko floated across the ground through the table to sit next to Renko, and started patting her shoulder gently. Strangely, her hand wasn’t cold. “There, there. I’m sorry for dropping all that on you, truly. I thought you knew about youkai already.”

“It’s alright.” Renko leaned towards Yuyuko slightly before catching herself. “Um, is it alright if I lean on you?”

“Of course, dear.” Yuyuko smiled. “Youmu used to do it all the time, when she was little, but now she’s all grown up and she doesn’t any more…” She pouted slightly.

“Lady Yuyuko, that would be highly disrespectful.” A muffled voice said from the kitchen.

“Who caaaaaaares.”

Renko giggled a little bit at the exchange, and leaned on Yuyuko’s shoulder. “I don’t know how I feel about it still, but thank you for telling me the truth.”

“Oh, it’s nice that you’re thankful. Most people just call me troublesome and ignore what I say, usually… Like I said, you’re probably not in any danger from her, but Yukari isn’t human. Since you are, just be a little careful, okay?”

“I thought I wasn’t in any danger?”

“You aren’t. It’s just… Well, never mind. I’m not human either, after all.” Yuyuko’s pale eyes reflected the paler moonlight outside. “Come to think of it, that’s probably why she told me not to get up to anything foolish, isn’t it?”

“Why’s that?”

“I told you about my ability, right? Or have I misremembered?”

“You mentioned it in passing, but not what it was, no. Is it an ability like Yukari’s to see boundaries- oh, and manipulate them, I guess- and mine to tell what time and place it is by looking at the sky?”

“Oh, you can do that? That’s so interesting! And really helpful, too.” Yuyuko finally finished her cup of tea, after finishing five skewers of dango. “I can bring death to living things. That’s my ability. Oh, and after they die, I can control their souls, as well.” She was still smiling. 

Renko shivered. “That’s… a pretty scary ability. Even knowing Yukari.”

“She probably told me not to do anything foolish because of that.” Yuyuko smiled. 

“What, are you some kind of murderer?” Renko shivered.

“Of course not!” Yuyuko puffed out her cheeks indignantly. “She probably just thinks of me as a little airheaded, and since I can bring death with a thought, well…”

“If you’re that much of an airhead, maybe I should trust her judgment on that.” Renko moved away slightly. 

“Neither you nor Yukari trust me, how awful.” Yuyuko flopped across the table. Despite her nerves, Renko couldn’t help but think of the gesture as cute.

Sighing, she leaned back onto Yuyuko, still thinking about what she’d said about Yukari. “Well, I trust you about as much as I trust Merry at this point. Take that how you want.”

Yuyuko just blinked. “Oh my! That’s high praise. Or harsh criticism.”

“Like I said, take it how you want.”

“Take what how you want, now?” A blur of purple, white, and gold appeared from the ceiling and fell onto the floor next to the two of them. “Oh my, am I interrupting something?”

Renko stared. Yukari’s hat was half falling off her head, with several rips in it, and what appeared to be grass and mud stains gracing it. Her hair was a tangled mess, and her cheek was scuffed up, like she’d gotten a carpet burn. She was missing one of the gloves she’d worn that day.

“Oh, did you win?” Yuyuko chirped. “And yes, Renko and I were having a loving heart-to-heart. Only half about you, too.” Renko begrudgingly thought that that was half right. She deigned not to ask what Yukari won or lost.

“I didn’t, but it was just a bicolored butterfly trying to get my attention by the most annoying means possible, so it’s fine.” Yukari brushed a leaf out of her hair. “Still, I’m going to look a state on the train. And my congratulations to the happy couple.”

Renko made a squawking noise that she tried to turn into a cough. “That’s, er, one hell of a butterfly.”

“Oh, how did you know I loved crows?” Yukari grinned. Renko avoided looking at it. “That was a nice squawk. And yes, it’s an awfully unique butterfly. Although, at the same time, it’s also a pretty ordinary one.”

Renko offered her the one leftover skewer of dango. “I’m just that much of a genius, aren’t I? Reading your mind shouldn’t be any harder than calculating the mass of subatomic particles.”

“Hmm, shouldn’t it? Even though their masses have already been determined?” Yukari tilted her head to the side, still smiling.

“Like I said, I’m as smart as Planck. Although photons don’t have mass anyway.” Renko plucked Yukari’s hat off her head, then waved her skewer for emphasis. “Anyway, if you don’t want this, I’m just going to eat it myself.”

“You’re so cruel! Offering me dango, only to threaten to take it away when I’m distracted by your own words.” Something behind her tapped Renko on the shoulder, and she whirled around only to realize that the skewer she had been holding was gone. She turned back around to see a self-satisfied Yukari holding it.

“If you’re going to take it no matter what, does it matter?” 

“Well, of course! Does it not matter whether I pour you some sake or you steal the bottle out of my hand?”

“I wouldn’t try the latter in the first place. Speaking of sake, is that a bottle you have hidden beside you?”

“How astute! Yuyuko, as the host, do you mind?”

“Since you’re the one who brought it, it’s kind of you to offer me a dish first.” Yuyuko said, pouring a good quarter of the bottle’s contents for herself before offering some to Renko. 

With Yukari’s return and the passing around of the drinks, a jovial mood set in for the rest of the night, only slightly dampened by Renko’s newfound knowledge.

However, as the two of them left the Netherworld, escorted by Youmu, Renko looked up at the sky and saw a beautiful crescent moon. Less than a second later, her brain helpfully informed her that she was in Rendaino graveyard in Kyoto, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan, at 2:48:31 AM.

_It’s too late for the train,_ Renko realized.

“Ahh, it’s a lovely night.” Yukari took a deep breath of fresh air and then wrinkled her nose. “Shame about the fact that we’re in a city, though.”

“It’s pretty late, and it’s still like that to you?”

“Well, of course. I can’t help it, since I live in the quite literal middle of nowhere, you know. Speaking of times, we should probably hurry. We don’t want to be too late for the last train.”

“Er, well…” Renko cut herself off before she finished her sentence. Somehow, even if Yuyuko had told her that she wasn’t in any danger, she didn’t want to be alone at night with Yukari any longer than she had to. “Yeah, I guess we should. Actually, can you just take me to the station? You probably want to enjoy the rest of your night, right? Or day.”

“Hmm?” Yukari tilted her head to the side. She was always doing that, Renko thought. “Oh, is it because I look a mess?”

Renko breathed a quiet sigh of relief for whatever scrap Yukari had gotten into giving her an out. “Yeah, I just worry that you’ll draw some weird attention, you know. And you should probably get that scrape on your cheek cleaned up, too.”

“Well, I attract strange attention in general… but all right. I’ll escort you to the station, at least, and wish you a safe ride home.”

“Thanks, Merry.”

“Oh, it’s Merry still?”

“I’m in a Merry kind of mood.”

Quietly chatting, the pair of them reached the station, and Renko waved goodbye to Yukari as she disappeared into a gap. Then, sighing, she turned around and left the station for the long walk home.

By the time she collapsed into her futon, an amount of time so much later she didn’t even bother to check it, she was so tired that she barely cared about how worried she’d been, and just wished she’d had Yukari bring her home. She drifted off to sleep thinking about how much her legs hurt and almost nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after writing this chapter that there's a lot in it, after a few chapters where the opposite has been the case.  
> Enjoy plot (and dango- it may be a LITTLE past the harvest moon, but you can always watch the one on Halloween, if you missed it!)


	10. Chapter 10

“It’s a pain, Ran.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past three hours without explaining what you mean, Lady Yukari. Not that that’s unusual. I’m just pointing it out.”

“It really is a pain, though.”

“Well, whenever you feel like saying anything about it, I’ll gladly listen.” The fox-woman at the table looked down towards her master, sprawled face down across the floor. “Could you please sit up, though? I have enough cleaning rags without your dress needing to act as a makeshift one.”

“If you dusted more often, it wouldn’t be doing so.” Regardless, Yukari sat up. “How much longer do you think that has to cook?”

“The sukiyaki? It’s about done. I’m just letting it simmer a little longer to bring out the flavor.”

“Mm, alright. Do you have any idea where your shikigami is, or is she buggier than usual again?” Yukari brushed her hair out of her face and straightened her dress. “It does smell good, though.”

“I told her that dinner would be at four, but…”

“It appears that she’s elected to eat leftovers instead, then.” Yukari glanced up at the clock, informing her that it was a quarter past four, and out the window, informing anyone who cared that it was in the morning. 

“Right. I’ll save her a portion, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.” A hole in reality opened up, and Yukari landed next to the table. 

Ran cracked egg into two small bowls. “Now, what’s a pain? I can at least try to give you advice over dinner. Even if you dismiss it all out of hand.”

“No, no, Ran. Your advice is generally very valuable, for helping me realize the routes I shouldn’t take.” Yukari picked up a piece of meat in her chopsticks and dipped it into her bowl. “It’s about that girl, as usual.”

“The human girl?” Ran said through a mouthful of noodles. “The one from the outside?”

“Yes, that one. I fear I might have made a small mistake in regards to her.” 

“What kind of mistake, exactly?”

“Well, as you know, she’s unaware of what youkai truly are. Or was, but I believe, after taking her to the Netherworld, she may have been informed.”

“Why is that?” Ran reached for some cabbage before hesitating and then pushing up her sleeve so as to not dip it in the broth as well. “Did she say something, or…?”

“That night, when we left, she had me drop her off at a train station at two in the morning, rather than walk home with me.”

“Well, that seems reasonable. It’s convenient to take a train when you can’t fly, after all.”

“It would be, except for the fact that trains in the Outside World generally don’t run in the wee hours of the morning. And this one was no different. I expect she didn’t expect me to notice?”

“Well, she is a human. It’s natural for her to be afraid of us.”

“Yes, but unfortunately, I’ve gone and gotten myself unable to sever the feelings I have for her, so I’d rather she not.” Yukari sighed and took a mouthful of noodles.

“Even if she knows what you are, it’s likely that if you spend enough time with her without showing any intentions of harming her, she’ll grow to trust you. That’s what happened with Lady Yuyuko, as you tell me.” 

“That’s another problem.”

“What is? You just said you don’t want her to be afraid of you. That’s a reasonable solution to that, is it not?”

“Yes, and I also don’t want to harm her. But at the same time, we are youkai, are we not?”

“We are, yes. What does that have to do with-”

“When we’re around humans who are frightened of us, we generally have the desire to eat them.”

“Ah, I see the issue.” Ran sighed. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just give in to that desire, then? You’ll probably forget her after a century or so.”

“I will not, and you’re well aware of that.”

“I suppose you’re right. You have remembered her for an unusually long time already.”

“Yes, because she’s part of the foundation of my existence as a youkai. Without Usami Renko, I would not exist. Which is why I’d prefer not to think about that sort of thing when I’m around her, and yet…”

“Isn’t it somewhat hypocritical to be talking about this sort of thing over-”

“Hmm? Over a meal?” Yukari paused in the middle of lifting a strip of meat to her mouth and gave a sly grin. “Certainly, it would be, if I was having any sort of moral conflict whatsoever. But I’m not.”

“Then what is the point of this conversation, then?” 

Yukari waited to reply until she was finished chewing. “To find a way to make things as convenient for me as possible. Nothing more.”

“So, what do you intend on doing, then?” Ran cocked her head. 

“As I see it, the two options I have are thus: continue on as usual, and let my desires trouble me as little as I can manage- somewhat like a more extreme version of how I interacted with Yuyuko, since of course she was considerably less afraid of me, owing to her ability. On the other hand, the other option, and likely the safer one, in the long run, is to leave her and leave no trace behind.”

“Which of the two are you leaning towards most, then?”

“Aah, you’re useless, useless, Ran.” Yukari rested her chin on her hand. “I wish you were half as engaging to converse with as that girl is.”

“If I’m useless, it’s because you programmed me to be that way.” Ran stood up and put her dishes in the sink.

“Don’t talk back to me. I really do wish that there was a youkai I could talk to like her. I thought you’d be useful for that sort of thing, but…”

“If you want a youkai to talk to like you used to talk to her, then there’s a logical answer to that problem. But because I’m useless, I assume you’d prefer me to not say anything?” Ran picked up Yukari’s dishes and carried them to the sink.

“...Ah, I see. That is an idea, isn’t it?” Yukari tilted her head to the side. “Yes, that could work… not directly, though. I’d have to set up some particular circumstances…”

“I appreciate the gratitude.” 

“What did I just say, Ran?”

“My apologies. It did seem relatively obvious, though, considering your general interest in the whole idea…”

“That is true. Regardless, I’ll need some time to think about the execution, so I’ll leave you to clean up. Be sure to save some of the udon for Chen.”

“Yes, Lady Yukari.” Ran watched as Yukari headed off to her room, deep in thought, and sighed. She was about to mutter a complaint to herself when the front door slid open loudly and a cat came waltzing in, an hour late.

“I’m hoooome! Where’s Lady Yukari?” The cat- well, the girl, currently- looked around the room with exaggerated curiosity. “I wanted to tell her about my success with the cats! One of them led me to where an intruder was earlier today, of her own accord, and helped me chase them off! I think I’m making real progress.”

“She’s busy, Chen.” Ran smiled despite herself. “That’s excellent news, though! Keep up the good work, and you’ll be a skilled master to a shikigami of your own someday. You’re late, though, so there’s not too much meat left. There’s udon, though.”

“That’s fine! It’s Lady Ran’s cooking, after all.”

The sun rose on a television playing nothing but static and a cat eating udon with a satisfied smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never had sukiyaki, I highly recommend it. The egg is optional, if you find it unappetizing; and feel free to use beef or pork, of course.


	11. Chapter 11

A week or so had passed since Renko had visited the Netherworld. Merry- or Yukari, as she thought of her now- was visiting as usual, every day for a few hours, to chat about nothing. Renko couldn’t feel as at ease for these chats as she had before, but she still enjoyed them.

She’d been thinking the whole time about how to properly bring up to Yukari that she knew exactly what youkai were now, but every time she started thinking about it, she just brushed off the idea and changed the subject.

Today, though, she was determined to at least say something. Merry wasn’t going to hurt her, she knew that even if she couldn’t truly think it. So to keep obscuring what she knew was just too much.

“Hey, Merry.” Opening the door after she finished her final exam, she walked in to see a bundle of purple and gold asleep on the floor. “Merry, I’m home.”

“Mnh?” The bundle stirred sleepily. “What time is it…”

“It’s 3:18. I can leave you to sleep longer, if you want, but can I at least ask you to curl up on a futon? I don’t want to trip over you on accident.”

“Alright, I’m up, I’m up…” Rubbing her eyes sleepily, the youkai in Renko’s living room sat up. “Why are you home so early in the first place?”

“Final exams, and I wanted to go out on a walk with you tonight, so I came home early to let you know. Since you don’t have a phone, and all.”

“Ah, I see… Oh, tonight?” Merry brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Well, I don’t mind, but it is short notice and all. Did you have any particular reason why you want to go out tonight?”

“Yeah, actually.” Renko put a notebook down on the table. “This is the three month anniversary- lunar-wise, anyway- of your disappearance, and I wanted to go to the fountain at the park and do some reminiscing and chatting.”

“Lunar-wise? Japan uses a solar calendar nowadays, does it not?” Merry wrinkled her brow. “What moon phase would that make this? It’s daytime, so I can’t just tell… Wait.”

“It’s the full moon, obviously. That’s the phase of the moon you disappeared on, too, unless I’m going insane.”

“You’re not, it’s just… That’s a kind of dire anniversary to be celebrating, isn’t it?” Merry blinked.

“Well, I wanted to talk about some important things, too…” Renko rubbed the back of her neck. “I just kind of don’t want to bring it up if we’re not in a proper situation for it, you know?”

“What do you mean, a proper situation?” Merry stared quizzically.

“Like, setting the mood, or something like that?”

“What, do you want to propose?” Merry giggled. 

Renko went pink. “Nothing like that! That would be moving too fast even if you hadn’t disappeared for two months in the first place!”

“Well, what kind of mood are you looking to set, then? A full moon is…”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, nothing, I suppose. I presume you want to go on this walk in the evening, too?” Merry sighed.

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. If you’re fine with that, of course.”

“I… am fine with that. Most likely.” Merry stood up suddenly and brushed Renko’s hair out of her face. “You do have beautiful eyes, you know. Even if they’re unusual.”

“Oh, thank you, Merry.” Renko grinned slightly. “Your eyes are… pretty captivating, too.”

Merry laughed. “I’ve been told that a few times! It’s also a Merry sort of day, hmm?”

“Today again, yeah.”

A few hours passed without incident, as Merry watched Renko study for her other final exams while paging through a book that Renko couldn’t read any of the text of. When the sun sank low in the sky, Renko stood up and stretched. 

“Well! That’s probably too much studying for one night that I’m absolutely going to forget by tomorrow. Shall we head to the park, then?” 

Merry looked up from her book. “Oh, have you been working that hard? I felt sure I heard some game sound effects…”

“Your ears are playing tricks on you, definitely. Definitely.” Renko picked up her hat from the back of her chair. “Well, let’s be off.”

“Of course!” Merry picked her parasol up out of the umbrella stand and spun it around. “It does look like it’ll be a lovely evening.”

The two of them walked to the park, attracting a few stares from passersby on the crowded sidewalk, but not nearly as many as Renko expected. She supposed that Merry fit the mold of “odd westerner with a penchant for vintage fashion” relatively well, even now. 

They arrived at the (mercifully mostly empty) park and walked over to the bench by the pond they’d had many a chat about the nature of the universe at. Renko took a deep breath, but before she could say anything, Merry pointed up at the sky. 

“Ah, look there! The first star. Hey, can you tell what time it is by just that?”

“Actually, I can tell what time it is even when the stars aren’t normally visible, you know…”

“Oh, I wasn’t sure whether the twilight would interfere with that.” Merry tilted her head. “I suppose not, though.”

“Shouldn’t it be too bright to see stars right now in the first place? I can’t see it normally, at least.”

“Ah, and since it’s not just my eyes seeing it, I didn’t notice… I see.”

“Or rather, we both see.” Renko smiled. “Anyway, that’s a good segue into what I was going to talk about… Merry?”

Merry was staring at the moon rising on the horizon. 

“Merry, hello?”

“It is awfully full, isn’t it?”

“...Yeah. It’s pretty, too.” Renko nodded. “Any particular reason you’re staring at it, though?”

“...It’s nothing.” Merry shook her head. “Go on, what were you going to talk about?”

Renko scratched her head. Now the opportunity was upon her, she didn’t want to say anything, but at this point, what other choice did she have?

“You know when we went to the Netherworld?”

“Hmm? Of course. That was a little less than two weeks ago, wasn’t it?”

“Well, when I was there, Yuyuko told me some things.” Renko was avoiding Yukari’s gaze.

“Some things about…?” Even though she was avoiding them, Renko felt Yukari’s eyes burning into her.

“About youkai.”

“Ah.”

Suddenly, she stopped feeling Yukari’s stare on her. She turned around. 

Yukari was simply sitting there, staring unresponsively into the space in front of her.

“Merry?” Renko waved a hand in front of her face to no response. “Hey, Merry! I’m talking here, you know?”

Yukari continued to stare, unmoving, into the space in front of her, as if she was seeing something Renko could not. A dream, or something like it, maybe?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the updated archive warnings and tags, and enjoy the chapter.

Maribel blinked slowly. She’d landed hard, falling out of that gap in the boundary, but as far as she could tell, looking down at herself, she was uninjured. Not even a scrape, she noted with a little wonder.

Still, that wasn’t what she’d expected to happen. Traveling through space had been nerve-wracking at first, but at this point, she was confident nothing could have gone wrong there. And there were no gaps in the boundary in her and Renko’s apartment. So the only explanation was that she had fallen asleep?

But this didn’t feel like a dream, either. She picked herself up off the ground and adjusted her hat. Well, she’d just have to find out where she was, first. And then she’d get back to her own world.

After what seemed like a few hours of walking through woods towards nowhere in particular, Maribel sat down beneath a tree and sighed. None of her other dreams had been so utterly aimless, she thought. Then, a fraction of a second later, she noticed a slightly worn-down path through the underbrush.

An animal trail? Or a human trail? Or perhaps something else’s? Either way, it probably led somewhere, so she began walking down it. She only had to walk a few minutes before she heard voices speaking in a language she couldn’t recognize yet understood all the same.

“It’s too late to keep going, I think. The other group’s probably done a better job than we have, and we have plenty of stores back at the village anyway. Better to be safe than sorry, you know. Never know what could be out here in these woods.”

“We’re gonna get laughed at, yknow.”

“Better laughed at and alive than praised and dead.” A third voice chimed in. Maribel had been creeping up behind a tree, and peeked out to see a trio of young men- probably around her own age, she thought- holding spears and chatting. “Speaking of things that might make us admirable and dead, did you hear a leaf crunch just now?”

Maribel jumped despite herself.

“Hey, look, over there!” The first boy pointed straight at her. She nervously put her hands in front of her, showing that she wasn’t carrying any weapon. Her umbrella was still slung over her arm, but she didn’t want to put that down.

The second boy shrugged. “Isn’t that just a girl? I mean, a weird looking one, but a girl, just the same. She’s not gonna hurt you. Except maybe by rejecting you like all the others.”

The first boy shoved the second. “Whatever! Hey, girl, what’s your name?”

Maribel coughed slightly. If she said anything, it would be obvious that she didn’t speak the same language they did. But at least they seemed to be human? Maybe they weren’t dangerous to her?

“Hey, can you not speak? Are you sure this one isn’t a fox?” The third boy glared at her.

She started at that. _“Um… I’m Maribel Hearn.”_ English, she thought, would seem less like a fox’s poor approximation of whatever they were speaking than Japanese would.

“Yeah, definitely not a fox, just a weirdo. Out in the woods when it’s about to be night, with hair that looks like straw.” 

Merry supposed that flax wasn’t especially common here. Looking at the clothes the boys were wearing, it seemed that she was in ancient Japan. Somewhere in the Joumon period, maybe? Even if it was, since that era was so long, she had no idea.

“What kind of weirdo, though? Did she come from the north, or something?” 

“It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that if she’s out in the woods at night, she’s gonna get herself killed. Hey, whoever you are, do you want to come stay in our village for the night? It’ll be safer.”

“You really think she can understand that?” The third boy griped. 

“Oh, right.” The first boy gestured further down the animal trail. “We live that way. You can follow us if you want.”

_“Thank you.”_ Maribel said softly. Although she’d probably wake up before she had to stay the night, the invitation was kind enough. She followed the trio a little ways, before arriving at a small group of houses surrounded by a short wooden wall. Looking at the houses, this was definitely the Joumon period. 

The second boy explained who she was (as far as he knew, anyway) to a man at the gate who was standing guard, presumably; he frowned, then nodded. “As long as she doesn’t cause any trouble, she can stay at our home. Tell your mother, though!”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” The boy led her across the village, to many odd glances. “What is that you’re carrying, by the way?” He pointed to her parasol. “Well, I guess you can’t tell me anyway.”

_“It’s a parasol.”_ Maribel smiled slightly. These people were awfully nice. Even though it had been a while, and she hadn’t yet awakened, she didn’t feel nervous at all. Well, perhaps a little bit.

“Itsaparasol, huh? It’s weird. Anyway, here’s my house. My mother’s the one over there sweeping. You can stay here for the night, we have plenty of space.”

Merry waved, then walked down the stairs into the little dugout, and sighed once she was alone. This was an unusually long dream, even for her. Therefore, she had to presume, for now, that it wasn’t. In that case, she had to rely on something else rather than waking up to take her home.

She’d come here through a tear in the boundary intended to travel through space, but it had sent her through time instead. In that case, she’d likely have to do the same thing or something similar to go home, presumably.

Merry focused on the space in front of her, thinking of Kyoto, the university grounds, the stupid Kaleido-screen…

The air before her wavered just a little bit, and a small emptiness opened up before immediately closing again.

She grumbled in frustration, and then tried again. This time, she tried thinking about the details of her and Renko’s apartment. Maybe she’d been focusing on too large a space. This time, the tear in the boundary opened just a little wider, and she could almost reach out to put her hand through it before it closed. 

“Argh!” Merry closed her eyes and began to focus again. This time, on Renko’s smiling face. If there was anything that could connect her to her own time, it had to be that, right? She heard a soft, distorted ripping sound, and then a shout. 

She blinked her eyes open in confusion. The man she’d seen guarding the gate outside was standing in the doorway, pointing at Maribel, or more specifically, the air in front of her, in which hung a tear in the boundary larger than even the one that had brought her there. Unlike the one that brought her there, though, it was staring back at her, with eyes eerily like her own.

However, she had little time to think about that before the man shouted again. “You! I knew something was off about you. Whatever the hell that… gap… thing is, I won’t let you keep at it!” He turned around and shouted. “Hey, get over here! That so-called girl you found is a monster who was trying to infiltrate the village! We can’t let it get away!”

Maribel froze in shock for a few seconds before bolting towards the doorway and shoving the man aside with sheer panicked strength. She ran towards the gate, faster than she’d run from any youkai before. If the humans of the twenty-second century put her in a sanatorium when they realized what she was, she didn’t want to think about what these people would do, when monsters truly existed in their world. 

Dodging past the new guard, she ran off into the woods, panting already. Glancing behind her, she saw the trio of boys that had led her to the village running after her, and without thinking, ducked behind a tree. She was gaining ground on them, despite herself. She looked up at the full moon, and then tripped across a root and fell into a clearing, twisting her ankle.

She barely had time to crawl into a bush on the other side before the trio showed up, looking around nervously. Two of them were holding what appeared to be a number of shaved-down sakaki branches, and the other- the first boy she’d seen- was holding a spear.

“Hey, can you hear footsteps any more?”

“Nope.”

“I can’t either.” The third boy shuffled nervously. “That means it’s probably hiding around here somewhere.”

“If it’s hiding, can’t we just leave it be and say we exterminated it? It probably won’t come back. It looked pretty scared.” The first boy glanced around.

“It’ll definitely come back.” The second boy glared at them both. “It’s a tricky monster. If it managed to fool us once, it’ll do it again. And next time, it’ll be smarter.”

“But since it ran away instead of trying to kill us, isn’t it probably weak?” 

Maribel tried to slow her breathing and her heartbeat. Maybe they’d convince each other to go home and leave her alone, and she’d only have to deal with youkai while trying to get back home. She glanced up at the moon again. It was awfully full, though, to be dealing with youkai…

“Even if it is, better to kill it now before it gets stronger and does the same to us.” The third boy said roughly.

“Let’s give it a search then. You two, go left and right.” The second boy pointed to his left and right. “Me, I’ll double back towards the village. If we don’t find it then we’ll know it’s that way.” He pointed directly in Maribel’s direction. 

At the same time, though, wasn’t it awfully funny, for humans to be talking about hunting youkai?

“It’s safer to stick together, though. We should do that instead.”

It was unimaginable that that relationship had shifted in that sort of way with the times, so shouldn’t they be a little more afraid of her?

“Idiot! If we do that, we’ll never find it. It’s probably getting away right now.”

Why wasn’t she running away right now? Maribel wondered vaguely. The moon’s light was shining down on her, making her hiding place dangerous.

“Alright, fine. Let’s spread out.”

At this point, though, this was the sort of thing she expected. Humans had never been receptive to strange people. Not in her time, and not five thousand years ago. No matter where she went, she’d be rejected by humanity, even if she survived.

“Nothing over to the left!”

Maybe that’s what a youkai truly was, in the end. Something that humanity and reality rejected outright. In that case, what exactly would that make her?

“Nothing towards the village, either. Hey, what’s taking you so long, anyway?”

Really, if they thought there was a monster here, they should be keeping an eye out even once they returned to the clearing, shouldn’t they? Yet they were arrogantly watching their friend. She tightened her grip on the handle of her umbrella in annoyance.

“I’m sorry! It’s covered in brambles over here, so it’s got a lot more hiding places, you know? Thanks for watching my back, though.”

“Fine, just hurry up!”

They should be watching their own, she thought. Everything in this world was defined by its boundaries, after all.

“I’m almost done!”

In that case, a youkai of boundaries should strike terror into the heart of any human.

“Come back already! It’s obviously not over there.”

Perhaps she’d demonstrate that fear to them.

As the last boy walked into the clearing, Merry stood up slowly. Strangely, her ankle didn’t hurt at all.

_“Here. I’m here, you see?”_

The trio’s heads whipped around towards her, and they immediately readied their weapons.

_“Hm? I thought you were going to exterminate me. Isn’t that what you said? In that case, why are you standing there agog?”_

The second boy was the first to attack, flinging two of the needle-sharp sakaki branches at her. In response, she simply allowed herself to fall backwards, into a gap in the boundary that opened behind her.

Falling through the abyss, she gazed up at the eyes surrounding her. _“Where should I go, I wonder?”_

She decided in an instant, and twirled around to face the new opening, with her parasol pointed directly towards it. She fell through it to a satisfyingly sickening crunch, followed by a hacking cough. 

The boy’s spear dropped from his hand as he stared down at the sharp, metal tip protruding from his chest, then slowly fell to the ground as she pulled it neatly back.

_“I’m weak? Is that so...”_

A sakaki branch grazed her cheek as she fell again, sideways this time. _“Ah, but it’s lovely not to be weak anymore.”_

She was enjoying this, she realized, as she flung herself from a third gap and arced into the air, grabbing the second boy in a tackle and dragging him into the abyss along with her. She felt, oddly, more accepted as a monster than she ever had felt as a human, even as a branch pierced her shoulder and she cried out.

Of course, she thought as she snapped his neck as though it were a brittle twig, that was likely at least in part because taking her anger out on the humanity that had rejected her was so gratifying.

She alighted softly in the clearing before the third boy, smiling sweetly. 

_“Hm, where did your friends go?”_

The boy said something she couldn’t comprehend, staring at her with wide, terrified eyes.

Come to think of it, she’d likely been on the verge of becoming something inhuman already, hadn’t she? If Renko’s mutterings were anything to go by. Yes, she thought, as she took a delicate step forwards, she’d always been this, at heart. If she hadn’t been utterly rejected by humanity, she never would have existed as herself, after all. If she wasn’t a monster, she wouldn’t be Maribel Hearn.

Her thoughts clouding her mind distracted her for a moment, and she was sharply awoken by two more branches piercing her leg and torso. She winced.

_“Get the hell away from me!”_ The boy in front of her was shaking, holding more sharpened branches between his fingers. 

She glanced at him, then lunged, ignoring the pain in her leg as she pinned him to the ground. Even after grabbing his wrists so he couldn’t move, he still weakly tried to struggle out of her grasp, shaking in fear.

Ah, that’s right. She really had been so hungry recently, hadn’t she? She looked straight into the boy’s terrorized eyes, as if she didn’t want to forget the sight.

Then, almost gently, she bit into his soft, exposed throat. The tang of blood and sour taste of fear overwhelmed her senses to the point that she nearly collapsed. 

Then, a few moments later, she did collapse, the arm and leg pierced by the sakaki branches no longer able to support her weight. Shortly thereafter, her vision blurred, and then went dark as she blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween from me to you!  
> This is an unusual chapter, in that I suddenly had to do a lot of historical research; there's not a lot of information on Jomon period weaponry, though, especially in English, so I took some liberties.  
> I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter as much as Merry did.


	13. Chapter 13

“Merry!” Renko half shouted. “Merry, snap out of it!”

Yukari blinked suddenly, and Renko sighed with relief. “Thank goodness, Merry. I was worried something had happened…”

“Something did, actually.” Yukari said in an odd tone of voice.

“Oh, something did?” Renko sat down beside her. 

“Yes. I remembered something.”

“Something unpleasant? The look on your face is a little…”

Yukari smiled slightly. “That would be up to interpretation, wouldn’t it?”

Renko shuffled her feet awkwardly. “Are you going to tell me, or…”

“No. Especially if you don’t finish asking your question about youkai. Or telling me, whichever it was? I forget.”

“It was telling you. About what I learned about youkai in the Netherworld.”

“Well, go on, then.” Yukari pulled out a fan. “I’m certainly interested in hearing what you’ve learned.”

“Um.” Renko stood up suddenly. “Yuyuko told me that youkai weren’t exactly just embodiments of human belief, but primarily fear.”

Yukari fanned herself. “That is so.”

“And you spent most of your dreams back in the day being chased by youkai. One of humanity’s most primal fears is that of being prey again, now that we’re functionally apex predators. I don’t think that that’s necessarily the case in regards to supernatural beings, though, is it?” Renko gave a strained smile. “Am I correct in thinking that youkai view humans as prey?”

“That is also correct.” Yukari’s calm tone was unsettling.

“Alright.” Renko let out a deep breath. “I would like to know why you did not tell me, even though I asked what youkai were on multiple opportunities and you had several chances to do so.”

The deserted park around them provided no audience.

“Do you have any guesses?”

“I do. But I am not going to say them, because I specifically asked you this question, and I am not going to give you a chance to evade it like you generally do.”

“Fine, then.” Yukari smirked. “Initially, I was planning on betraying you and killing you, because you trusted me so easily, even with what you already knew about youkai, and I thought it would be amusing.”

Renko took a step back, but then stood firm. “You say initially. What caused you to change your mind? Your memories of me?”

“Of course not.” Yukari gave a dismissive flick of her fan. “I barely remember anything from when I was human. You’re lucky I remembered your name, honestly.”

“If you were planning on killing me, that makes me unlucky. Again, though, what caused you to change your mind?”

“I simply began to enjoy your company. Perhaps subconsciously, I remembered my days with you, as well? Who knows. Either way, you obviously know what I am now, so it’s pointless.”

“You’re contradicting yourself. You just said you didn’t remember anything.”

“I said that I barely remembered anything. In any case, I have no reason to remain here any longer.”

“And what the hell do you mean by that?” Renko half yelled.

“Because you’ve achieved the extraordinary accomplishment of making me care about you again, I’m going to leave you be.”

“That’s not caring about someone, you-!”

“It’s safer for you by any measure.” Yukari stood up calmly. “You should be well aware of this. Even if you’ve befriended a lion, staying with it in its cage is more dangerous for you than keeping your distance. It’s nothing but a simple fact.”

“Well, what if I don’t give a damn about what’s dangerous! I want to stay near you, you stupid, dumb-” Renko was shaking with anger. “You said you wouldn’t disappear again!”

“I am an extraordinarily good liar.” Yukari said flatly.

“And I’m extraordinarily good at not caring! I want to stay with my Merry, damn it. I don’t care what you are.”

“And unfortunately for you, I care about your safety more than I care about not making you angry.” A gap opened behind Yukari. “Goodbye, Usami Renko.”

Renko lunged for her and grabbed her arm. “If you want to go into that, you’re going to have to drag me along with you, you idiot youkai.”

“I will not.” Yukari calmly twisted her arm out of Renko’s grasp and walked away. “Don’t come looking for me. It’s utter folly to try to understand and search for youkai, especially in a land of fantasy.” She gave a slight, cold wave. “Goodbye. If I encounter you again, I will kill you.”

Renko made a mad dash towards her as she disappeared. “Merry! Don’t you dare disappear on me again! You-” She came to a halt as the gap closed. “You liar.” She started to cry.

At least half the words that had come out of Merry’s mouth in the previous conversation had been lies. Renko knew that much. Merry wasn’t as awkward and emotional as she’d been since the two had remet when she was lying. It was possible to fake emotions, sure, but not to that degree.

But what, exactly was she supposed to do about it?

_It’s utter folly to try to understand and search for youkai, especially in a land of fantasy._

“Ahh, I see now.” Renko stared down at the ground. “She wants me to look for her, doesn’t she. Or more precisely, she’s betting on me doing that. Geez, Merry, you’ve always been this kind of stubborn idiot, haven’t you?”

Renko raced off towards her apartment and Sumireko’s scattered files on Gensoukyou.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet this week.


	14. Chapter 14

The papers scattered on the floor of her apartment made Renko truly look the part of a mad occultist, she thought. Despite her great-aunt’s escapades, there were precious few files on how to actually get to Gensoukyou, but one name came up repeatedly throughout them.

The Hakurei Shrine. 

She’d been there before with Merry, but it had been a less than fruitful endeavor, so she had brushed it off at the time. There was a boundary there, but it was far too intricately constructed to find an entrance in it, unless one existed elsewhere. That’s what Merry had said, anyway.

But Sumireko’s papers detailed something different. Apparently, the shrine itself existed on the boundary between the worlds. So, though there might not always be a way through, there were usually fluctuations that might give you a chance to enter the other world. Or as Sumireko called it, a risk of being spirited away.

Especially if you were asleep.

“Sleeping and shrines. It’s definitely a Merry-like thing. The only problem is…”

Even if you took the Tokaido, the shrine was a long way away from Tokyo in the first place. It would be a day trip just to get there, with the infrequent trains in the area.

Well, it was Friday. Barely, but it was. If she had to go on a day trip, now was probably the best time to do it.

Stuffing all of her papers on the Hakurei Shrine into her bag and shrugging on her capelet, Renko made her way out the door, only to be greeted by 4:21:22 AM’s chilly darkness. Not to be deterred, though, she locked up and then went sauntering along the long walk to the train station.

On a normal morning, she would have fallen asleep to the train’s gentle rumbling, but instead she remained awake and alert the whole time. The Kaleido-screen was showing dawn starting to break beyond the treetops as she arrived at Bo-Tokyo station, and several (much shakier and slower) train rides and transfers later, she got to see it in person. 

Or she would have, had the windows of the train she was on at the time not been so dusty that she could barely differentiate the sun from the trees before it was good and risen. By the time she disembarked at the station near the shrine, the sun was already plenty high in the sky. Her stomach growled, and she decided to buy lunch before continuing her search. 

After buying lunch at the local convenience store, she walked up the shrine’s steps and sat down under a cherry tree. Looking at the shrine itself, though, it seemed even more decrepit than she remembered. Someone had obviously been keeping it from falling apart, but the donation box hadn’t received the same care, and both the bell and its rope were completely missing. The roof’s tiles were falling off.

The boxed lunch wasn’t bad, though, considering everything. And there weren’t a lot of leaves on the ground, so maybe someone local had been sweeping? 

For a place that was an entrance to another world, it looked surprisingly shabby, yet also surprisingly well-kept. 

Renko sighed and put down the empty box. Even if she arrived in Gensoukyou, what exactly did she think she was going to do there, anyway? If it was Merry’s dream world, it was almost definitely larger than she could travel in a day. 

She’d probably find someone who could tell her where to go. Yeah. 

Thinking about that, under the lukewarm spring sun, she fell asleep.

She awoke with a start to a chilly breeze piercing straight through her clothes, and looked around to see small piles of snow on the ground around her. She stood up quickly and checked her skirt, but by some gift of fate, it seemed like she’d been sleeping in a dry spot. She looked around again.

She was still at the shrine, but it was definitely more well-kept this time. A broom was leaning against the main building, and there was a sign pinned to the door. She walked over to read it. 

“Out. Incident resolution… Incident? What kind of incident does a priest have to go solve?” She looked at the rather humble-looking shrine. “Or maybe it’s a shrine maiden. Either way, doesn’t look like anyone’s here.” She waited a few seconds for someone to contradict her, and then sighed. “Maybe I’ll leave a donation and a prayer for some good luck.”

She rummaged in her bag for a bit, then pulled out a thousand-yen bill and tossed it into the box. She then asked, rather sheepishly, for any help in finding her friend with a bow, a clap, and another bow, before turning around and walking down the shrine steps again.

Although, she guessed, she’d definitely gotten some luck already, getting here. At the end of the steps, after all, was not the street she’d come walking up from, but a narrow dirt path, swallowed up on all sides by trees older than any she’d seen in the world where she lived.

She heard rustling in the bushes, and glanced to her right, but only saw a rabbit scurrying away. 

The sun’s position in the sky told her it was already the afternoon. If she wanted to get out before nightfall, much less home, she’d have to hurry.

To her left, she noticed a branching path off of the trail, and felt an overwhelming urge to turn down it. Not quite sure why, she did so, and marveled as the trees around her seemed to grow even taller. 

After walking down the trail for an interminable amount of time, she was about to give up and decide it was a dead end, before she noticed a set of neat, wooden steps in the ground leading up the hill ahead of her. Brightening at the sign of civilization, she continued. 

The next set of steps was cheerfully painted vermilion, so even though the path seemed to be growing steeper as she walked, with the trees surrounding it slowly intermingling with evergreens, she continued onwards. Pretty soon, she came upon a third set of stairs. These, like the shrine’s, were stone. Maybe this was a path to another shrine? Although the path was getting pretty rocky, itself, with the trees around it thinning.

The next was vermilion wood again. She thought about sitting down to take a rest, but the sun in the sky above her helpfully informed her that it was 3:09:57 PM. She decided she’d rest when she reached the village, or the shrine, whichever it was.

As she crested the set of stairs, she saw a woman standing in the distance, and was about to lift her hand to wave when she heard a shout. 

“You! What are you doing here? You should know full well that it’s forbidden for humans to enter tengu territory! Even if you’re a villager, I can’t allow this!”

The woman lifted a far-too-heavy-for-her sword off of her back. Renko took a step back, and almost fell down the stairs. 

If this was tengu territory, she was almost definitely face to face with a youkai. Maybe this day trip hadn’t been the best idea. 

“Although… your attire is strange, for a villager, and you don’t show proper respect. Could you be… an outsider? This deep in Gensoukyou?” The woman, closer now, cocked her head, then shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter how you got here. If you’re an outsider, it just changes my reasoning to ‘chase you down’ rather than ‘chase you away.’”

Shit. 

The woman stood still for a second, then flew like a silver-white flash down the trail at Renko. Before the two could meet, though, Renko flung herself off the side of the trail, behind some trees, and started running.

The heavily downward slope made it hard to keep her balance, but she couldn’t hear the tengu running after her. Although…

A shout from above caused her to look up and then duck behind another tree. “You! Stay still!”

Renko elected not to do that, and kept running, glancing up until she’d mostly lost sight of the woman floating in the air. Maybe the trees were too thick for her to swoop down into? Although she didn’t look very bird-like in the first place.

In the midst of her train of thought, Renko tripped on a root and went flying. She shut her eyes, expecting to surely crash into a tree or worse. Instead, though, she landed softly.

She carefully opened one eye, then brushed the leaf obscuring it out of her face and looked around. She’d landed in a pile of leaves near… a house. It looked, strangely enough, like she was in a village. 

She heard a soft mewing sound, and looked to her left to see a small gray cat. It looked at her inquisitively for a second, then ran off. She stood up and brushed herself off, then looked around more properly.

She was greeted by the inquisitive stares of quite a few more cats. Despite this being a village, it seemed like there was no one to be seen. None of the cats were friendly enough to do anything but hiss and run away when she came near them, either. Someplace abandoned?

She peeked inside a house, and it seemed to confirm her suspicions. Empty, with ratty, torn up shoji screens and floors. The next one was similar, although it had a cabinet full of chipped bowls at the very least. Leaving it, though, she thought she saw a shape darting between two houses that was a little too big to be a cat.

“...Hello?” She said nervously, hiking her bag up on her shoulder. “Um… Miss Tengu?”

There was no reply. However, a few seconds later, she saw the shape again, darting across the street into another house. It was definitely humanoid.

“...Do you live here? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude.” She glanced around. “Er… I’m looking for someone. Could you help me out?”

“What kind of idiot are you?” The high-pitched question came from behind her, but she whirled around to see nothing there. Instead, something heavy hit her from behind, knocking her face-first to the ground. “A human? Looking for someone in Mayohiga?” 

Renko tried to get up, but whoever it was seemed to be sitting on her back, making it hard to move. “Yes, a friend of mine. Maybe you know her?”

A childlike laugh. “If I knew any human you were looking for, you’d probably not be too happy! You’re not gonna be too happy in a bit anyway, though.”

Renko attempted to drag herself forward. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Before you go talking about murdering me like the last two people I’ve had more than a ten second conversation with, could you at least let me get up so I can see who I’m talking to? I’ll probably be more afraid of you if I can see what kind of creature you are, anyway.”

“And let you run away? Impossible, impossible, impossible! There’s no way I’d be that foolish. Although I could let you turn over, if you’d like, I’d probably make it difficult to breathe by sitting on your ribcage anyway, nyaha.”

“...Are you a bakeneko?” Renko twisted around to look behind her. Sitting on her back with a self-satisfied expression indeed appeared to be a rather catlike girl. 

“I’m a shikigami of a great youkai!”

“...No, you really look like a bakeneko.”

“Also that. But that doesn’t matter when you’re about to die, does it? Any last wishes?” The girl grinned smugly.

“I’d still like to ask you about the person I’m looking for…” This was, by all accounts, pretty bad, Renko thought. Not like she could do anything about it, though.

“Too bad! Bye!” The girl raised a menacingly clawed hand. Renko shut her eyes and waited for the blow to come.

It never did.

“Bad kitty, Chen. You’ll spoil your dinner, you know?” The chiding voice was unmistakable.

The weight suddenly lifted off of Renko. She practically spun around. 

There, holding the complaining bakeneko effortlessly back by the collar of her shirt, was Yukari.

“And you should have been home an hour ago in the first place. Ran calling for you woke me up.”

“But-”

“I don’t want to hear any buts.”

“She’s the one who invaded Mayohiga in the first place! It’s my job to attack intruders here!”

“Really? Did Ran assign you that?”

“No, but-”

Renko coughed. Her hands were still shaking a little bit from the fright, but far less. “Can I cut in here?”

Yukari gave a long sigh. “And what, exactly, do you have to say for yourself, you utter idiot?” The bakeneko- Chen, Yukari had called her- was tugging at her collar. “And you stop that.”

“Aren’t you going to kill me? You said you would if I came looking for you. So why are you saving me from some cat?”

“This cat-” Yukari gestured to the being currently muttering curses- “Is my shikigami’s shikigami. And she was late getting back home, so I’m taking her back with me.” With that, she turned around and opened a tear in the fabric of reality, only to be securely tackled by Renko. 

“Well, you won’t mind taking me back with you too, then, will you?” Renko said. “At the very least you owe me an explanation.”

“...Alright.” Said in a considerably softer voice than before. “Hang on tight, if you please.”

“Wait, Lady Yukari, you’re taking this human home?”

“Yes. And consider cleaning up your vocabulary, or I’ll tell Ran and she’ll wash your mouth out with soap.” 

Renko clung tighter as Yukari, with her two hangers-on, stepped neatly forward into the gap. Then, she felt herself fall.

She looked around wildly as she accelerated downwards. The space surrounding her was an eerie, constantly shifting red, and she could swear (although she was moving too fast to properly tell) that all the eyes in it were staring at her. A severe sense of vertigo overtook her, and she thought she couldn’t take it anymore when-

“I’m home~!” A cheerful voice called out just as Renko collided with something soft. After blinking a bit to get her bearings, she realized that it was a cushion. “I found your shikigami.”

A tall woman with golden hair and several fox tails nodded, then glanced over at Renko. “Yes, you did. It looks like you found something else, too.”

“It’s more accurate to say that it found me. Ran, meet-”

Renko waved from the floor. “Usami Renko. Pleasure to make your acquaintance. I would say it’s a pleasure to make your cat’s, too, but she just tried to kill me, so I’m mulling whether it is or not over right about now.”

Ran blinked. “You’re Usami Renko?”

“Yes?” Renko felt the top of her head. “Oh, damn, my hat. Yukari, can you-”

“It’s just… well… You look rather unremarkable, to put it nicely.” The fox scratched her head.

A second later, Renko’s hat came flying out of a gap, then proceeded to smack the fox in the head on its way across the room. “Be polite to our visitor, Ran.” 

Renko caught her hat out of the air. “It’s kind of true, though. Besides my eyes, I am a pretty average human. And even what my eyes can do isn’t all that.”

Yukari just sighed.

“I hate to needle you, though, but can I get an explanation here? Since you left without giving me one at all, and I had to go through all this to come see you again. That would be great.”

Yukari glanced at her. “...Alright. Ran, Chen, you two are dismissed for now. Go train outdoors or something. I’d like to have a private chat with Renko here.”

Ran nodded. On her way out the front door, she glanced at Renko, then shook her head. 

Yukari sighed again. “Now that we have some privacy…”

“I can ask you what the hell you thought you were doing.” Renko snapped. “You decided, of your own accord, that you were going to threaten me, tell me everything about our relationship since you’d returned was a lie, then run away. What the hell was that?”

“And whose will should I have done it according to?” Yukari drummed her fingers on the table.

“Nobody’s! Considering it was obviously all outright lies! If you’re going to disappear from me again, the least you can do is give me a straight reason as to why you’re doing it!”

“And what if the reason I gave you was correct in the first place?”

“Excuse me?” Renko stood up angrily. “You can’t fool me into thinking you wanted to kill me almost the whole time we’ve been together over the past few weeks. And you especially can’t fool me into thinking that that’s why you showed up in the first place! You were crying!”

“It’s not safe for you for me to love you, since I’m a youkai. That’s blatantly obvious. And keeping up that pretense was pointless once you had discovered what youkai truly were.”

“I told you that I don’t care!”

“And I told you that it didn’t matter to me that you didn’t care. Humans are too brave for their own good.” Yukari pressed her hand to her forehead. 

Renko sat down again, deflated. “In the first place, you’re obviously capable of differentiating between food and friends, otherwise I would already be dead. You don’t have to lie to me and say that it’s that you wanted to kill me. Why did you want to disappear again? Because you were afraid of me rejecting you for what you were?”

“That wasn’t a lie, though.” Yukari leaned backwards. “You’re correct in that I don’t have any active desire to kill you- in fact, I want the opposite. Unfortunately, though, youkai are youkai.”

Renko fiddled with the ribbon on her hat. “And what, exactly, does that mean?”

“You’re afraid of me. I can tell, not just from the way that you’ve been averting your eyes from me, but the fact that you’re practically oozing an aura of fear. Recently, you’ve gotten a lot better at hiding it, but it doesn’t help with the latter half.” Yukari fiddled with the ribbon on her own hat. “Being afraid of youkai naturally activates… well, you can’t really call them instincts, since we’re not really beings that have evolved in the same sense, but let’s call them that for time’s sake, shall we? It activates the predatory instincts of youkai. Even if I have excellent self-control, it doesn’t mean that I can entirely avoid that, you know?”

Renko froze. “You could tell that I was afraid of you this whole time? Why didn’t you mention it?”

“If I had, it would have made me come off as even more inhuman, and put you in even more danger.” Yukari looked directly into Renko’s eyes. “See? Your heart rate is increasing even now.”

“So why are you telling me now, then?” If anything, being in Yukari’s own house was more dangerous than being in her apartment.

“You got angry at me for lying, and decided to boneheadedly get yourself spirited away looking for me and then nearly die. I think that that amount of effort deserves an explanation, doesn’t it?”

Renko looked sideways awkwardly. “Well, what else was I supposed to do?”

“Perhaps not go looking for monsters?” Yukari pulled a teakettle out of nowhere and filled two cups with hot water, then pushed one over to Renko. “Here.”

“This is just hot water.” 

Yukari placed a tea strainer in her own cup. “And it will continue being so until you ask for the tea that you’d like. In any case, it’s awfully serendipitous that it was Chen who ended up catching you. You’re awfully lucky.”

“I’m lucky for getting caught by a youkai? Also, white, please.” Renko warmed her hands over the cup. 

“You’re caught by a youkai right now, you know.” Yukari dropped a strainer into Renko’s cup. 

Renko tilted her head to the side. “...Huh. So I am.”

“You’re taking it better than most, though.” Yukari sipped her tea.

“Well, that’s because it’s you, Yukari. If it’s you, I’d forgive you, even if you ate me.”

Yukari frowned. “Don’t joke about things like that.”

“I’m not joking, though.” Renko took a gulp of her own tea. “I’d not hate you. Even though I’d definitely prefer not to be... Wait, are you tearing up?”

Yukari quickly wiped the corners of her eyes with a gloved hand. “I know it’s awful to think of a statement like that as romantic, but-”

“It’s kinda awful of me to have said it in the first place, honestly. I can’t help it, though, since it’s true.”

“You’re afraid of me, though.” Yukari patted the corners of her eyes again with a handkerchief and then calmly took another sip of tea. “That’s contradictory.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to die, and especially not to get eaten. But I care about you, and I wouldn’t want you to suffer over it for thousands of years after it, you know? So I’d forgive you. Ah, that said, please don’t eat me, though.”

“I won’t.” Yukari sighed. “Really, you’re correct in saying that I was afraid you’d reject me for what I am. Acknowledging it and not rejecting it, especially in such a dramatic manner, was just a bit… overwhelming, that’s all.”

“It did come off to me as kind of strange how you were wearing your heart on your sleeve before, because honestly that comes off as really un-Merry-like. I guess that this explains it.”

“Oh, do shut up, won’t you?” Yukari quickly sipped her tea again. 

“Well, now that we’ve gotten that over with, can we discuss the whole ‘we are kind of in love with each other’ thing again? Preferably with my input this time?” Renko sighed.

“No.” Yukari said flatly. “We cannot.”

“What? I just went and told you I’d let you eat me alive, and you can’t even give me a solid discussion on this?” Renko said indignantly.

“We haven’t resolved anything, though. That solves the ‘what if I did end up killing you’ problem, but it doesn’t solve the problem of it popping into my head for no reason. And it doesn’t solve you being afraid of me. Even if it wasn’t dangerous, I wouldn’t want to have you constantly fearing me, you know?” Yukari sighed.

“You just listed a problem it resolved.” 

“And two more that it did not.”

“What am I supposed to do to solve those problems in the first place?” Renko snapped. “It’s not like I can just stop being human. I’m not you.”

“It would be ridiculous to ask you to abandon your humanity for me in the first place. And to become a youkai, at that.”

“What, like I could just say yes at the drop of a hat.”

Yukari was silent.

Renko stared. “...Are you disagreeing with me on that?”

“Obviously.” 

“Look. Yukari. I’m a human, and I’m essentially completely unremarkable. That weird fox said so herself. I’m not going to be able to become something like you, even in a hundred years.”

“She is a shikigami. But I suppose it’s fine to call her that.” Yukari refilled her teacup. 

“If you’re going to treat me like an idiot, at least do it bluntly.” Renko put her cup down sharply. “Don’t go dancing around what you want to say.”

“...If you say something like that, you’re disregarding all the perfectly average humans that have become youkai. In the first place, when my abilities grew stronger, I was likely slowly becoming less human, myself. Though of course I can’t check on that.” Yukari took a sip. “Either way, as there is a boundary between human and youkai, choosing to make you one myself would be a fairly simple task.”

Renko sat still for a moment. “...So, if I became a youkai, you wouldn’t have to worry about me any more?”

“Are you stupid?” Yukari closed her eyes. “What kind of human are you, anyway? Yes, obviously, I wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally harming you any more.”

“Then make me a youkai.” Renko leaned over the table. “I’m a terrible human anyway, hating progress. So it’s the least you could do for me.”

“...Have you ignored our entire conversation about what a youkai is?” Yukari opened one eye slightly to peek out at Renko. “Just because I can communicate with you like this, you’re ignoring that you’d be considered- no, really, that you would be- a monster, for the remainder of your existence? You would be rejected entirely by humanity. Your family, colleagues… have you no care for them whatsoever?”

“I’ll become a monster, then!” Renko gripped the edge of the table. “I don’t care about humanity! My family hasn’t talked to me in months! The Sealing Club wasn’t started for any kind of greater good in the first place! I just…” Softly, she mumbled “I just don’t want to have to leave you.”

Yukari sighed. “You’re truly hopeless.”

“And you aren’t, giving up on your partner just because they’re instinctively afraid of you? If I was afraid of you in more of a sense than just that, I wouldn’t be yelling at you right now! I love you, you stupid idiot!”

“And I love you too, you incredibly, incredibly foolish human.” Yukari pulled a fan out from somewhere. “It’s evident that you haven’t thought this through, though. And it would frankly be irresponsible of me to agree to something like that.”

“What haven’t I thought through, then?” 

“I’ve been describing what it is like to be a youkai to you, in detail, over the entirety of this conversation. Do you really believe you’re capable of becoming what you fear? Of naturally inspiring terror in anyone you encounter if they realize what you are? Of devouring those that were, a short length of time ago, your fellow humans?” Yukari tilted her head to the side. “I have been a youkai for five millennia, Renko. Do you have any idea what it is like to exist as a young youkai? A young jinyou, at that?”

“I’m sure that I can handle it.” Renko sighed. “Do you have any idea what it was like for me when you went missing? It was like the world had gone dull and gray again, after I’d seen a glimpse of color. And for those two months, I was convinced that that would be the case forever. I’d resigned myself to working a dull office job, writing out formulas for some power plant’s optimization schematics.” She smiled hollowly. “Really, I would have rather died.”

“This isn’t about whether you’ll be bored or not. This is about you making a life-changing decision that you might regret.” Yukari’s face was hidden behind her fan. “I am trying to protect you, Renko.”

“Well, stop trying to do that, then!” Renko stood up suddenly, making the cups on the table rattle. “Protecting me, protecting me, protecting me. Can’t I make a decision for myself for once? Or am I just too much of an idiotic human to be given any agency at all?”

“Renko, that’s not-”

“You ran away from me to protect me from yourself, and now you’re running away from me again to protect me from my own bad decisions? You’re giving me an opportunity to solve all this, right here and now, and then saying ‘oh, but I won’t do that, because you might regret it’? I’ve not regretted any time I’ve spent with you, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start now!”

Yukari sighed deeply. “Can we make a compromise, then?”

Renko sat down hard. “Lay it on me. It had better not be something about you leaving again, though.”

“Give yourself a month to think about it. Say, till graduation? If your heart is still set on becoming a youkai then, I’ll hear you out. Of course, this will be with me at your side, no longer attempting to hide what I am. As a sample, if you like. If you aren’t revolted by the idea in a month, I’ll gladly help you. Do we have a deal?”

Renko grinned. “Obviously. Honestly, if you’d said no, I would have gone looking through folklore for some way to do it myself.”

“You really are foolhardy, aren’t you… Oh, speaking of experiencing life with youkai.” Yukari glanced out the window. “It’s awfully late. Would you like to stay here for the night?”

Renko looked out the window. The sky outside informed her that it was 8:43:18 PM.

“That would be great, thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Renko's Bizarre Adventure: Phantom Wife


	15. Chapter 15

A while later, with a great deal of effort, Ran dragged a protesting Chen indoors to the sight of the Sealing Club’s two members animatedly discussing the idea of flight. Renko cheerily waved at the pair, while Yukari brightened up.

“Oh, yes, I forgot to ask you earlier, Renko. Since you’re staying for dinner here, what would you like? We have bass, of course, but also red snapper and salmon… Oh, and if you’d prefer poultry instead, we can do that as well, but I’m afraid all we have is chicken…” 

Renko scratched her head. “Well, I was really feeling more like pork, but I suppose if fish or chicken is all you have, that’s alright…”

The other three occupants of the room winced, to varying degrees.

“What?” 

“Well, you know…” Yukari awkwardly glanced to the side. “It’s just kind of… not polite, really, to offer a guest like you red meat. That’s all.”

“What? What do you mean by a guest like… ah.” Chen had started giggling over in the corner, and Ran shot her a glare. “That makes sense.”

“Yes, it can just lead to some unfortunate implications, you know.”

“Well, in that case, fish is fine. Whatever kind.” Renko awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck. “Sorry for not thinking.”

“I vote fish too!” Chen dashed across the room, tripped, and slid under the table. Instead of being perturbed, though, she just kept talking. “Guest Lady has good taste. I’m glad Lady Yukari found me when I was slacking off.”

Ran sighed. “Chen, you’re not the one making the choice here… it was going to be fish anyway. You can help me cook, though, if you want. And have the scraps.”  
“Really?” Chen dashed off from under the table. “Well, bye, Guest Lady! See you when the food’s ready, then!”

“It’s Renko…” Renko said, watching the bakeneko and fox disappear down the hall. “What’s your relationship to those two, anyway? They seem like a pair of rowdy roommates more than anything else, but they call you Lady Yukari, so…”

“Ah, do they really come off that way?” Yukari groaned. “They’re not supposed to… Well, Chen mostly does whatever she wants, but Ran is my shikigami.”

“Shikigami? Really?” Renko thought for a moment. “I can’t see you as a musty old-fashioned onmyouji, sorry. Can’t do it.”

“I did actually have a stint as one… but Ran’s more of a programming project than anything like you’re thinking of, probably. You know how computers listen to you when you input commands, generally, but they still can function autonomously according to their programming? Shikigami are like that.”

“...So she’s some kind of advanced AI that just does the housework?” Renko said incredulously.

“Well, she does barrier maintenance too, and sometimes helps me with sewing… and when I get into fights…” Yukari was rattling off a list absentmindedly. “She’s relatively helpful, even if, when you don’t ask her to do anything, she mostly goes and tries to solve unsolvable equations in her room for hours. Chen’s not very helpful at all, but she’s cute, so she’s fine.”

“You said Chen wasn’t your shikigami, right? What is she, then?” 

“Oh, she’s Ran’s shikigami. She’s also a cat, though, because Ran’s generally a terrible programmer and ended up creating a whole lot of bugs.”

“I thought you said she was a cat.”

Yukari started, then giggled. “You’re right, I did. My mistake.”

“Anyway, though, why would acting like a cat mean that she’s buggy? She’s shaped like a cat, right?”

“And your phone is shaped like a lump of glass and metal, but that doesn’t exactly mean you want it to act like one. Even if what it does is fundamentally informed by the fact that it’s made of that. Ran, for example, loves fried tofu.”

“Cats and foxes and bugs, oh my. But I guess that makes sense. Not the fried tofu, although that does make sense, the other things.”

“Oh my.”

Now that she’d calmed down a bit, Renko took a look around. The room had come off as a little cluttered even in her frantic state, but taking a good look at it revealed things lying around absolutely everywhere. Stacks of books, primarily, but scattered around the room too were plants, strange artifacts that Renko couldn’t determine the origins of, and a smattering of cat toys. 

The table that the two of them were sitting at was, in fact, quite possibly the only clear space there.

“...And I thought our apartment was cluttered.”

“Well, I only had three years to accumulate nonsense in it. Here I’ve had… about six hundred? Give or take a few.” Yukari gestured to the books. “Most of those are really nonsense, though. I have a library for the decent ones, and for the ones I’ve written.”

“I’m surprised you’d differentiate those.” 

“I have a shred of modesty.”

“With that neckline?” Renko laughed.

“A shred. I can only apply it to so many things at once, you know!” Yukari let herself flop backwards onto the floor. “Still, it’s good to be able to talk to you properly again.”

“You’re the one who decided to make communication impossible.”

“Yes, I did. Understandably, though, I believe.” 

“There were other ways you could have dealt with it.” Renko sighed, then picked up one of the books from a pile near her. “When was the last time you read any of these? They’re covered in dust.”

Yukari put a hand to her chin in thought. “Hmm… A year? Maybe two? Either way, it wasn’t very long. And there were, yes, but they had far higher chances of ending in tragedy.”

“The proper execution of your last idea would count as a tragedy in my book.”

“Hmm?” Yukari sat up. “Ah, because it would have ended with us separated. Yes, that is a tragedy, I suppose.”

“Honestly, the fact that you were willing to live with that is stranger than anything about you being a youkai.” Renko flicked through the book. “I… can’t read this.”

“That’s because it’s written in ancient Chinese.” Yukari smiled. “Come to think of it, if you did end up living as long as I, you might end up being able to pick up a few more languages of your own, wouldn’t you?”

Renko’s eyes lit up for a second, then she hurriedly hid her excitement. “Don’t count on it. I’m still terrible at English, you know, and I learned that in high school and got years of exposure from you.” 

“Mm, that’s true. Well, maybe you’ll invent a new field of science, instead?”

“Oh, that could work!” Just as Renko was about to start thinking about the new possibilities that a science of magic opened to her, a knock on the doorframe startled her. 

“Dinner is ready, Lady Yukari, Lady Renko.” 

Renko silently groaned. Lady Renko again.

“Please hurry or Chen will eat it all.”

Yukari gave a vague nod, and the three of them slowly made their way to the table, where Chen had ignored Ran’s orders to wait and was digging into her fish.

They sat down, and after they had been eating for a bit, Ran posed a question. “I did not ask before because it seemed rude, but… I presume the two of you managed to work out whatever you were arguing about?”

“And why exactly doesn’t it seem rude now?” Yukari smirked. “Regardless, yes, we did. Renko roped me into trying out a plan of hers, so that’s that for now.”

Renko, savoring the non-artificial fish, was too occupied to say anything.

“A plan of hers?” Ran raised an eyebrow. “That’s surprising.”

“Really, Ran, you just lack creativity. Yuyuko comes up with plenty of plans herself, too.” Yukari sighed. 

“Yes, but… you having more trust in a human’s ideas than mine is slightly…”

Renko grumbled something incomprehensible through her rice.

“She’s a particularly bright one. I wouldn’t trust most humans with fragile objects, much less their own futures.” Yukari laughed. 

“You don’t trust me with fragile objects!” Chen pointed out helpfully.

“Yes, and you may divine from that what you will.”

Chen scrunched up her face to think, then shook her head.

Ran hummed. “That’s fair. But really, a completely normal human…”

Renko coughed loudly. 

“Well, you are, are you not?”

“Not entirely!” Yukari smiled. “Can’t you see her eyes?” 

Ran blinked, then looked over to Renko. Renko held her analytical gaze uncomfortably.

“Er, no.” The fox shook her head. “Is there something unusual about them?”

Yukari just sighed. 

Renko spoke up. “I can, er, tell what time it is. And what location I’m in. By looking at the moon and stars.” She awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. “It’s not a fantastic power like Yukari’s, but it’s not nothing, you know?”

Ran frowned. “So you’re just excellent at calculation? I can do the same, you know.”

“It’s not calculation-”

“It’s not particularly difficult to know time and location via the night sky. Although it is interesting to find a human that is that intelligent. Maybe that’s why Lady Yukari trusts you?”

“It’s not calculation, though. I don’t have to do anything, I just know what it is.”

“That seems unlikely.”

“Well, how about a demonstration, then?” Yukari leaned across the table. “I’ll open the window in five seconds, and then the two of you can see which is faster- a supercomputer, or a human.”

Ran’s tails twitched at the insult. “Lady Yukari, I assure you, you don’t need to-”

“Sure, just let me know when you start counting down.” Renko smirked. 

“Allllllright! Five, four, three, two, one-” Yukari flung back the curtains.

Renko glanced at the sky. “The time is-”

Ran cut in. “The time is…” She trailed off.

“-11:53:24 PM. We’re in eastern Nagano prefecture, and also Gensoukyou?” Renko scratched her head. 

Yukari clapped. “Correct, correct! You got it in one. This house is on the boundary between our world and that of humans.”

“...11:53 PM, and 55 seconds.” Ran said in a defeated tone. “It would boggle the mind if that was calculation. You have my apologies.”

“And your portion of dessert, as well.” Yukari said sweetly.

Renko shook her head. “Really, she can have it. I wouldn’t be able to eat that much anyway, the fish was already delicious.”

“I’ll have her box it up for you to take home, then.” 

“Oh, I already ate it.” Chen grinned. “When she had her back turned. Sorry, Lady Yukari.”

“You should really be apologizing to Renko instead, shouldn’t you?” Yukari smiled more genuinely. “Regardless, it’s fine. Although you’re awfully hungry today, aren’t you?” She reached out and gently poked Chen’s cheek.

“I’m a growing girl!” Chen said triumphantly.

“Yes, you are, and a mischievous one too. Now go and play.” 

“I was doing that when we were training earlier, too! Bye though!” Chen dashed down the hall and Renko heard a sliding door slam open with a worrying amount of force. 

“Do you have to encourage her like that?” Ran sighed. 

“Children need to develop creativity in order to grow. In the case of youkai, it’s often creativity for malicious things that’s needed, so her pranking you is perfectly in line with her growth. And you certainly can’t model it for her, as a shikigami.” Yukari paused. “I do also think it’s a little funny, though.”

Renko couldn’t stop herself from giggling.

“Anyhow, Ran, clean this up, will you? I’d like to show Renko around a bit.” Yukari stood abruptly. 

Renko followed with an apologetic wave. Once the two of them were alone, Yukari sighed, then smiled. “Even if you’re an almost normal human, you’re still special to me, you know.”

“So special that you’re terrified of anything happening to me, right?”

Yukari looked into the distance. “Mm. I’ve seen a lot of humans die, you know.”

“...Yeah, I can imagine.” Renko sighed. “I would say I’m not that helpless, but I know that that wouldn’t change your mind. Besides, I don’t plan on being helpless for long, anyway.”

Yukari simply slid the door beside them open. “Here we are. This is the library.”

Looking in, it seemed like a veritable treasure trove. Renko walked down the shelves, peering down at the titles. The Higan of Computers, An Illustrated Compendium of Barrier Construction, The Youkai’s Lunar Tales… “Where did you get all these, anyway?” 

“Most of the ones on that shelf are ones I wrote.” Yukari pulled out a book beside her and opened it. “This is one of my earlier treatises in book format, as you can tell by the yellowed pages. I’ve had to rewrite a good deal of the scrolls to keep them from falling apart.” She tilted her head towards the aisle next to her. “Those are mostly interesting books by other youkai authors, though one of the shelves is reserved for gods… and in the last aisle, there are books by humans, both those from the outside world, from Gensokyo, and from before those two were differentiated.”

“And how’d you get those?” Renko had cracked open a book on protecting oneself from one’s identity being undermined and was paging through it. “Your handwriting has gotten better.”

“Various means. Usually simply by buying them, but sometimes things don’t work out, you know?”

“Stolen?”

“Mostly.”

The next room that Yukari showed her had two doors, which Renko soon found out was for a good reason, as the moment the second one was opened, butterflies fluttered out around her.

“An indoor butterfly garden?” Renko stood still, hoping for one to land on her. “That’s not the sort of thing I was expecting.”

“I have to have hobbies, you know.” Yukari said. A blue and black one alighted on her outstretched finger, and she smiled at it. She gestured to the flower beds around her. “This is actually a miniaturized version of Gensoukyou. The butterflies are… a bonus? Mostly, anyway.” 

A violet one landed on Renko’s nose, and she went cross-eyed attempting to look at it. “They’re pretty. I don’t think I’ve seen most of these species, actually.”

“Some are extinct, and some have never existed outside of fantasy.” Yukari gently placed the butterfly in Renko’s hair. “This one suits you, I think.”

“I think I’m a little too down to earth to be a butterfly.”

“Really? You’re always searching for the stars, aren’t you?”

Renko hummed. “That’s true.”

After leaving the butterfly garden, the pair visited a number of other rooms, mostly filled with strange objects that Yukari gladly took it upon herself to explain. Finally, Yukari opened another door, and Renko was greeted by a rather cozy-looking bedroom, with books littering the floor and an unfolded futon.

“I got up early because of Chen, you see.” Yukari laughed slightly. “Anyhow, you can stay the night here, if you’d like. Unfortunately, I have things to attend to, so I can’t spend as much time as I would like with you, but I’ll be back to take you home in the morning, if you’d like me to.”

Renko nodded, and rubbed her sleepy eyes. “Can I borrow a nightgown?” 

Yukari helped her pick one out, and Renko curled up in her futon. The sheets were very soft, she noticed, and smelled slightly of lilac. 

“I hope it’s not too difficult for you to sleep in an unfamiliar bed.” Yukari said gently. 

“It’s your bed, isn’t it? So it’s not actually that unfamiliar.”

“Mm.” Yukari smiled. “I’m glad, in that case. I’ll see you in the morning, Renko.”

“See you soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an extremely indulgent and fluffy chapter. (Even if it's got youkai being youkai in it.)   
> Also, I think I forgot to say this last time, but the white wolf tengu wasn't Momiji. She's taking a well-deserved shogi break when Renko shows up, probably.


	16. Chapter 16

After returning home, Renko was glad to fall back into the routine of studying, waiting for Yukari to show up, and then spending her evening chatting and doing something inane. It was comfortable, somehow, in the same way as their old Sealing Club days. 

Today, Renko was watching old horror movies to pass the time when she felt an ominous presence behind her. She turned around.

“Oh, hi, Yukari. You don’t have to hang from the ceiling like that, you know. You’re not a vengeful spirit.”

“That’s debatable. What if I’ve become one, and simply didn’t tell you till now?” Yukari promptly fell onto the futon beside her. “That’s a terrible movie, though.”

“Really? I think the character dynamics are pretty interesting.” Renko unpaused it. “Why don’t you like it?”

“Oh, the character dynamics are fine. I just think it’s unrealistic.”

“How so? I don’t think you’re saying that because the characters are being chased by a werewolf, considering all that.” Renko gestured to Yukari as she said “all that.”

“Of course not! I just think that it’s awfully stupid, chasing the humans into a wide open area like that. If it were me, I’d make sure they stayed in the woods, where they’re at a disadvantage movement-wise, you know?”

“That’s true.” Renko thought for a moment. “And it’s not like the werewolf’s feral, or anything. They should have a basic understanding of their situation. Although the conflict between their human self and their monster self is a core tenet of the movie, and their human self is very intelligent. Maybe they’re stupid as a monster because it’s thematic?”

“That’s awfully philosophical for a B-movie.”

“Death of the author. What kinds of horror movies do you like, then? Ones with tragic endings?”

“Tragic for the main characters, yes. If I want to be scared, though, I’ll probably watch a vengeful spirit flick, myself.”

“What, are you scared of ghosts?” Renko giggled.

“Not ghosts!” Yukari waved her hands in denial. “You know how I am with ghosts very well. I’m just scared of being possessed. I don’t want something like that to happen to me.” She rested her chin on her hands. “Most youkai don’t, actually.”

“Awwww, is the big scary youkai scared of ghooooosts?” Renko held out her hands limply in an imitation of the stereotypical ghost. “Boooooo~”

Yukari crossed her arms and pouted. “Really, Renko.” 

“Fine, fine.”

“I wonder what my life would end up being like if someone attempted to adapt it into a horror movie, though.” Yukari tilted her head to the side. 

“Pretty scary, from what you’ve told me.”

“Yes, if you adapted it directly. But I’d think people would want to add a sort of plot, wouldn’t they? Would they make me the protagonist or antagonist, I wonder? Or a combination of sorts?”

“I hadn’t even considered putting you as a protagonist.”

“I could easily be cast as the hapless young girl who got herself in too deep in the occult, and tragically ended up becoming a monster.” Yukari sighed. 

“That’s true. On the other hand, you could easily be a person who had been plotting to abandon their humanity the whole time, and have the movie’s climax be a tragic betrayal where I go ‘that can’t be true!’ to you as you laugh maniacally.” Renko dramatically posed in betrayal.

“Alternately, I could be cast as both the hapless young girl and the monster at the same time. Perhaps I’m attempting to make her fulfill her inevitable fate of becoming a monster, in order to preserve the existence of monsters, or my own? Anyway, of course, tragically it would happen. Or on a happier note, you could always pull her back and stop her from falling into fantasy.”

“Or the first one could be true, but upon becoming a monster, you tragically kill me. What’s with all these tragedies, though?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Yukari smiled. “Humans can’t see someone becoming a monster as anything but a tragic or horrifying event. And they can’t see being a monster as anything but an utterly miserable existence. If you’re working from that point of view, naturally my life would become a tragedy. And yours as well, by extension. Losing your dear Merry to inhumanity… how could anyone possibly cope with that?”

“Oh, shut up.” Renko tossed a pillow at her. “It is a really common thread in horror movies, though. I hadn’t thought about it like that before.”

“Well, it’s not like humans have as much empathy as they think. They’re mostly incapable of understanding what it’s like to be a monster- or a youkai, in particular- so they simply make things up.”

“It’s pretty common in games, too. You sure don’t come off as an indie game Bad End to me, though.” 

“Not if I’m the protagonist. I’m a bad end for almost everyone else involved, though.”

“That’s fair.”

“You’re certainly treating careening down the path you’re on rather blithely for a human, though, I must admit. More so than I expected. Maybe you’re more youkai-like than I gave you credit for.”

“Maybe so. I’ve been spending an awful lot of time with a youkai, too. Hey, you want to watch this one? It claims to be a cursed film that’ll get you haunted by a vengeful spirit if you watch it.”

“Eeek!”

“Look, I’m turning it on~”

Renko hadn’t expected to spend the better part of the next hour with Yukari clinging to her arm, but she tossed the blanket she was wrapped up in around the pair of them regardless. It was a welcome development, nonetheless.

Despite being so nervous earlier, Yukari fell asleep halfway through the movie still clinging to Renko’s arm. Renko sat there for a few minutes, cherishing the moment, then decided to gently pry her fingers away so she could get up and get a glass of water.

This proved to do a difficult task, however, when Yukari’s steely grip wouldn’t budge an inch. Renko tried every way she could, but she just couldn’t shimmy out skilfully enough to get her wished-for water.

Desperately, she pinched Yukari’s cheek. “Hey, wake up. I need to go get a glass of water, and you taking up a hobby as a beartrap isn’t really all that conducive to that.”

Yukari blinked sleepily. “Mnnh? Renko? Oh, did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t let go of me when you did so, so I’ve kind of been trying an escape artist routine for the past five minutes or so.”

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Yukari let go immediately. “I must have been thinking about the movie still. I really do apologize.”

“It’s fine, you didn’t hurt me or anything.”

“Even so… Well, go get your water. I’ll let you hold me instead next time.” Yukari seemed more put out than Renko expected.

“Yukari, I’m fine. Really.”

“...Alright. As long as you’re sure. I didn’t bruise you or anything, did I?”

“I said that I was fine. Now, do you want some water too?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

Renko went to the kitchen and poured them both glasses, then came back and handed Yukari one.

“I don’t want you worrying about hurting me like this. I’m fine, see?” Renko pulled up her sleeve to show her unbruised arm. “You’re not the type to just attack me randomly.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Well, even if I don’t, I trust you. And besides, there’s only two weeks left till graduation, anyway.”

“...That is true.” Yukari took a sip of water. “You’re sure about it still?”

“What do I have left as a human, anyway? My family hasn’t contacted me since a couple of weeks after you disappeared. I don’t want to work at some power plant.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to be human, then. Not that you’re fine with living as a youkai.”

“Yes, I am, actually. I know what being a youkai is like. You’re one, after all. I can tell how much you struggled with acting like a human, the first few weeks after your return.”

“You don’t know that you yourself would want to do that sort of thing, though.”

“I want to live my life together with you, Yukari, and you seem so happy to exist as what you are. I can’t just let the fact that humanity rejected your existence so deeply pass, either. I don’t want to be on the same side as the world that erased you!”

Yukari sighed softly. “Renko, I wish I had half the conviction that you do. If it weren’t for you believing so strongly in me, I might have spent my allotted hundred years on this earth living a miserable, ordinary life as a human. You’re the kind of person who believes in fantasy- truly believes in it, and its necessity for reality. If all of humanity were like you, perhaps this would be a world that youkai could exist in.” She smiled, almost beaming. “I have to go now, but I’ll see you again soon.”

“See you, Yukari. I love you, too.” Renko gave a smile in return.

Yukari disappeared into the floor without a word, blushing deeply. Renko shut down her tablet and just smiled for a bit, thinking about her, before falling asleep with that smile still on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's meta all the way down.  
> I think it would be really funny to show a youkai The Curse though. Just hilarious.


	17. Chapter 17

“Hey, are you alive down there?”

Renko blinked her eyes open.

Hanging in the air above her was Yukari, with a slightly concerned look on her face.

“Huh? What?” Renko rubbed her eyes and sat up. “I was sleeping. For that matter, why aren’t you?”

“It’s four in the afternoon, you know.” Yukari rested her hands on her chin. “I know I’ve been keeping you up late by staying over, but still…”

“Well, since classes ended, I’ve not really had anything keeping me to a proper sleep schedule.” Renko walked over into the closet and closed the door before haphazardly pulling on clothes. 

On the other side of the door, Yukari sighed. “Yes, I suppose, but please attempt to not give me a heart attack next time and let me know you intend on sleeping in.”

“Can youkai even have heart attacks?”

“Not physically, no.”

“Then you should be fine.” Renko fumbled around for a capelet in the dark and bumped her head against the shelf above her. “Ow!”

“I can just wait in the other room, you know. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just bumped my head.” Renko finally found what she was looking for and pulled it on, then continued her search in the dark for a skirt this time.

“Take your time. You don’t need to hurry for me.”

“No, I slept in longer than even you, of course I have to make up for it somehow.”

“Only by five minutes and fifteen seconds.” 

Renko emerged from the closet, fully clothed. “We were going to go to the cafe, though, weren’t we? You’ve been looking forward to it for a while, and it’s close to closing time already, thanks to me.” She walked into the kitchen and grabbed her hat off the table. “Come on, then.”

“Wait just a moment!” Yukari half-glided over to her. “Your hair’s an absolute mess, and you’re not hiding it all under that hat to let it get messier. Let me brush it for you.”

“I can do it myself, you know…” Despite this, Renko handed her a brush and sat down at the table. “Here.”

Yukari gently began to run the brush through her hair. “Really, it’s as soft as ever…” She stopped for a second on top of Renko’s head. “Hmm? You certainly got a good hit on yourself. Are you sure you don’t want some ice?”

“Huh? It doesn’t hurt at all.” Renko twisted around to look at Yukari, who had pursed her lips. 

“Really? Even with a lump like this?” Yukari felt the top of Renko’s head. “Actually, hm. There’s not just one here. There are two.”

“Lumps?” Renko felt the top of her head, and while there was a tender spot where she had hit her head on the shelf earlier, there were indeed two hard lumps hiding under her hair. “They don’t hurt when I touch them, though.”

Yukari frowned. “Hmm.”

“Hmm what?” Renko walked over to the mirror and attempted to get a good look at them. Her hair was too thick on her head to see anything, though.

“If those aren’t from hitting your head… Do you feel anything at all when you touch them?”

“Not really? They’re kinda like poking myself in the forehead or kneecap. Sure, I can tell I’m touching my own skin, but other than that, there’s not that much sensation there.” Renko continued peering in the mirror. “Any ideas as to what’s up with them?”

“Have you been experiencing anything strange lately?” Yukari tilted her head to the side. “In regards to your abilities.”

“Er, not really? I mean, I guess I’ve been a little more detailed with my measurements and stuff? I can tell that Mercury’s going to be highly visible in the night sky later this week, but I think that’s just pretty much getting a better sense of spatial awareness, isn’t it?”

“Quite a lot better.” Yukari glanced to the side. 

“What?”

“Renko… have you considered the possibility that your desire to become a youkai is already making you slightly more youkai-like?” Yukari looked out the window.

Renko sat down. “I hadn’t considered that possibility, but I guess it makes some sense. You yourself think that you weren’t entirely human even before you went to the past, don’t you?”

Yukari reclined into a chair. “Yes, though I’m not entirely sure. With you, though, the answer is relatively obvious, considering that.”

“That being these things?” Renko pointed to her head. “What do you think they are, anyway?”

“Likely horns of some sort.” Yukari said, tilting her head to the side.

“That matches up with how they feel. Well, that’s good news, then! For both of us.” Renko smiled.

Yukari frowned. “Renko, I don’t think-”

“Yukari, I know you’re just as on-board with the whole youkai thing as I am. You’re not as good at hiding your emotions as you think.”

Yukari blinked in shock.

“I know you probably thought I wouldn’t agree with the whole idea if you brought it up yourself, and were pleasantly surprised that I came up with the idea on my own. Is this intentional, by the way?” Renko gestured to the nubs on her head. “Or are you just as surprised about this as I am?”

“It’s completely unintentional.” Yukari said quietly, resting her cheek on her hand. “I expect it’s from a combination of simply close exposure to youkai energy for months on end, and your own resolve. Really, though, I should have expected you to read me like this.”

“You disappeared the second time because you wanted me to come looking for you, right?” Renko got up and moved over to the seat next to her, then placed her hand on top of Yukari’s. “You were worried I’d reject you, and especially so if you went and gave me an offer to reject my humanity right after I’d found out you were a proper monster. That’s why you’ve had me jump through all these hoops.”

“How did you figure it out?” Yukari sighed. “And how long have you known?”

“Well, figuring it out was the easy part. You’ve been practically shining with glee every time I’ve mentioned wanting to become a youkai like you. The more difficult part was finding a way to break it to you, considering you also pretty obviously thought you were hiding it.”

Yukari laughed slightly. “Well, most people aren’t as skilled at looking past my masks as you are, so perhaps I’ve gotten used to not being noticed when I say what I don’t mean?”

Renko sighed. “You’re so anxious about what’ll happen when you say what you actually mean that you go and make me wait a month to make a decision I would have said yes to as soon as you showed up back here again.”

“Are you just saying that now because you’re already a little less human, though?”

Renko scratched her head. “Well… I can’t really know that, can I?”

“I could always return you to being fully human, you know. If you change your mind.” 

“And why would I want to do that?”

“It’s just an option that’s open. You still have till the end of the month until I allow you to take me up on my offer, though. A deal is a deal.”

“Let me guess: youkai hate breaking promises?” Renko grinned.

Yukari smiled. “Yes, and that’s why I make very few as a general rule. You should count yourself lucky.” 

“Yeah, I’m super lucky, having you promise to be as stubborn as possible.”

“Well, do you want to graduate or not?” Yukari twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “You won’t be able to safely stay in this world once you’re fully a youkai, you know.”

“You seem pretty fine, though.”

“I’m an exception among exceptions. It’s still not exactly healthy, even despite that. I spend most of my winters out here, regardless, but…”

“Oh, is that why you’ve been busier lately?” Renko picked the brush back up off the table and attacked her hair with considerably more fervor than Yukari had.

“No, not particularly. I slack off in the summer months too. There was just a problem child causing some trouble for a while there, so I had to deal with that. It’s been resolved now, though, so I can spend the rest of the month with you properly.”

“Oh, I see.” Renko leaned onto Yukari’s shoulder. “What kind of trouble?”

“Someone had the bright idea to attempt to divert all the rivers in Gensoukyou to their home. Needless to say, several people were unhappy about this, including me. Don’t attempt to divert this conversation, though. I really do want you to be aware of the fact that you will not be able to return to this world safely for likely decades if- or once- you truly become a youkai.”

“And why would I want to return to it in the first place, if I do become a youkai? I’ve spent my whole life trying to chip away at the cracks in the wall hiding fantasy away from me, why would I want to throw away my dreams to live in reality?”

Yukari smiled slightly. “That’s what I thought you would say. Gensoukyou would gladly accept someone like you, whether as a human or youkai. But I admit it does make me happy to hear, no matter how predictable.”

“I’m glad.” Renko glanced out the window. “It’s a little too late to get to the cafe before it closes now, so do you want to maybe take a walk out at the park? Like old times, you know.”

“I would love to.”

The two, walking together under Yukari’s parasol, headed out into the spring sunset.

* * *

When they reached the park, Yukari pulled a blanket out of what could have been a pocket but Renko knew was not and spread it out on the grass. It was soon followed by Yukari herself, sitting down with a thump and a picnic basket in her lap.

“Well?” Yukari patted the blanket beside her. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

“Isn’t it a little late for a picnic? The sun’s going down, you know.”

“Isn’t it a little early, more like? For someone like me, anyway.” Yukari rummaged in the basket and pulled out a box of sandwiches. “And if you continue down this path, it’ll eventually be early for you as well. Would you like a sandwich?”

“I guess there still are some people out and about.” Renko glanced around, then took a seat. “Is this picnic just an elaborate plot to talk about my choices some more?”

“You know me very well. If you were anyone else, it really would be too well.” Yukari said ominously.

“It’s a good thing I’m me, then.”

“Indeed. Again, would you like a sandwich?”

“Sure. What’s in these, anyway?” Renko took a bite.

“Lettuce, tomato, pickles, cheese, vinegar…” Yukari put a finger to her chin. “Oh, and the meat is human, of course.”

“WHAT?” Renko coughed up the bite she’d taken in a hurry.

Yukari laughed. “Joking! I’m joking. It’s chicken. You can tell just by looking at it, you know.” She peeled off the top layer of bread to demonstrate the discernibly pale meat. “I didn’t expect you to be so shocked, though, since you’re so glad to be heading down that road already.”

“That’s a pretty nasty joke, you know. Just because I want to become a youkai doesn’t mean I’m okay with someone pushing me down that path faster than I choose to go.” Renko took another bite of her sandwich while glaring at Yukari. “I would have really been angry if you’d been the reason behind these horns.”

Yukari tilted her head to the side. “Hmm… I can see the logic behind that. I do worry about how you’ll react to truly being a youkai, though. I had to acknowledge the realities behind it due to a certain unfortunate situation, but a less stressful entry might paradoxically make you less readily accepting of what being a monster encompasses.”

A dog barked in the distance, and Renko heard shouting, but paid it no mind.

“That’s also fair. I’ll not ask what that situation was out of respect for your privacy, but I’m sure it was unpleasant.”

“I appreciate it. Do you have any plans to assuage my fears, though?” Yukari had fished out a tin of cookies and was picking through them for a suitable treat.

“I can’t really prove anything without first experiencing it, can I? Although, the fact that I spend so much time with you by choice says something, at least.” Renko finished her sandwich. “These are good, despite the joke. Did you make them?”

“Yes! I’m glad you like them.” Yukari smiled a genuine, wide smile, but her brow quickly furrowed again. “I do suppose that’s true, to an extent. Though understanding and accepting someone’s actions doesn’t necessarily mean you want to replicate them.”

Renko was about to reply, but was interrupted by the barking suddenly growing louder, and turned around to see a dog barreling towards the two of them. It stopped short before reaching them, though, and began yapping at Yukari, who tensed up.

Renko, sensing her discomfort, waved to try to get its attention. “Hey, doggie! How are you today? Did you lose your owner somehow?”

The dog looked over at her briefly, then looked back at Yukari and began to growl. She shifted slightly backwards, with a stiff expression on her face. “You really don’t like me, do you?”

Renko stood up to look around for the owner. “You’re not scared, are you? If you are I’ll try to solve this more immediately, but you mostly seem…” 

“The dog’s not the issue at all, really. I’d prefer not to cause a disturbance, though, if the owner gets curious about why it’s growling at me.”

“Why it’s growling at you? I guess it is weirdly fixated on you, isn’t it?”

“Dogs tend to be protective of their owners. Have you ever heard the stories of dogs who attacked bears when their owners were in danger? It’s something like that.” Yukari sighed. “It can probably tell-” She was cut off by a particularly loud bark. “It can probably tell that I’m in a similar category.”

“You are a terror when you get awakened early, you’re right.” Renko looked around, and saw a woman with a worried expression and a leash in her hand coming their way. “Its owner seems to be more worried about the dog than you, though.”

The owner in question hurried over, and in an out-of-breath, apologetic voice, said “I hope Tama hasn’t caused you too much trouble. He’s usually so nice, too, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“...Tama?” Renko glanced down at the decidedly un-catlike creature that was frantically looking between Yukari and its owner, still yapping.

“My daughter named him. Here, boy, here.” The woman held out a treat. “The nice lady isn’t going to hurt you or anything.”

The dog reluctantly stopped barking, but refused to walk back over to her. Yukari laughed awkwardly. “He’s certainly got his eye on me, doesn’t he?”

“I’m sorry again, he’s really well-behaved most of the time. If you’d believe it.” The woman quickly attached her leash to the dog’s collar. “I hope you two enjoy your picnic! The sunset’s lovely today, isn’t it?” She gently pulled the dog away. “Come on, Tama.”

Renko awkwardly waved with a “Thanks!”

After they had left, Yukari sighed. “Thank you for helping me out there.”

“In this scientific era, it’s unlikely anyone would have made anything of it, even if I hadn’t been here.” Renko sat back down. “I guess you’ve had unpleasant experiences with dogs?”

“With their owners.” Yukari finally managed to fish out a cookie that was to her liking. “I should have realized that some time ago, but I suppose I’ve just been avoiding humans with dogs for too long to notice anything different in their treatment of me.”

“Do all dogs dislike youkai?” 

“Usually feral ones don’t. Though, of course, they’re also feral, so they’re not exactly wonderful to interact with in the first place.” 

“Well, I guess it’s somewhat a good thing that I’ve never been much of a dog person. I imagine your fox doesn’t count?”

“She’s not much of a fox in the first place, but no. Foxes, wolves, et cetera tend to have no issues with us. And cats, of course, are loyal to anyone who is kind to them, rather than dogs, who have been bred to be guards and hunting companions for humans for…” Yukari looked up into the sky in thought. “Almost three times as long as I’ve been around.”

“Geez, that really puts how old you are into perspective. A third as old as a significant chunk of human history, huh?”

“Some of that is prehistory, actually… Regardless, what were you about to say about replicating my actions?”

“When? Oh!” Renko nodded. “As long as I’m the one making the choice, I want to follow you. If I end up having a crisis over embodying human fear in a year or so, you can officially scold me, but I’m pretty sure that won’t be the case.” Renko pointed to her hat. “I’m already distanced somewhat from humanity, you know?”

“Your hat, belonging to your great-aunt, is the definition of a lack of distance from humanity.” Yukari smirked. “But yes, I do understand your point. I’m just the type to worry endlessly, you know? Especially if I’m not the one making the choices.”

“If you were the one making the choices, neither of us would be happy right now.” Renko pointed out.

“That’s true. Perhaps I’ve gotten so used to not putting trust in others besides myself I’ve forgotten the value that a partner can have.” Yukari smiled. 

Renko tapped her on the nose. “Hey, hey, don’t tell me all you remembered about the Sealing Club was the stupid things we did?”

“I don’t know about you, but I continue to do foolish things to this very day. I simply disguise them as plans.”

“With me at your side, you’re sure to have no issues continuing them on into the future.” Renko elbowed her. “Speaking of dumb things, do you have any sake in that endless picnic basket of yours?”

“I just might!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ability to the extent of become stupid when exposed to women.   
> This chapter had a very interesting working title.


	18. Chapter 18

Renko opened her eyes.

She hadn’t been able to sleep at all the previous night, though it was no wonder, honestly. The month of March had passed in the blink of an eye. Today would be her graduation day.

Honestly, she was amazed she’d passed all of her final exams, but perhaps she was the genius she sometimes bragged about being after all. 

She got up from where she’d been napping at the kitchen table, looked at herself in the mirror, and sighed. Her hair was a mess, and she looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, rather than a night. But more importantly…

“Well, at least I can fit them under a hat still.” Renko picked the mortarboard off her kitchen table and fussed with it a bit, pulling the soft edges down above her ears. “I should probably get some bobby pins, though.”

“I think they’re charming, personally.” The reflection in the mirror shifted from a university student with bags under her eyes to a smiling young woman with a piercing violet pair. “The decision’s still up to you, of course, but you’d likely be falling into fantasy soon enough without my intervention.”

“I’m not changing my mind, but these aren’t going to fit under my hat soon… What would Sumireko say?” Renko pulled off the mortarboard and poked at one of the short, pronged horns gracing her head.

“Sumireko would say you could just make some edits to her hat, as long as you were staying true to the vision of the Sealing Club.” Yukari paused. “Which is, of course, to be insufferably strange.”

Renko snorted. “You’re fulfilling the mission better than I am, then. Are there hatmakers in Gensoukyou? I might just have someone make a duplicate with holes, if so.”

Yukari nearly doubled over laughing upon hearing that.

“What’s so funny?”

“There are indeed hatmakers in Gensoukyou. Oh, dear, dear, you have no idea. Or perhaps I should say oh, deer?”

“They are relatively antler-like, aren’t they?” Renko felt at the rounded corners of one. “Do we still have no idea what I’m going to end up as, or do you have some suspicions?”

“Well, you’re probably not on the road to becoming an oni? Both personality-wise, and your horns are a bit too delicate for that. Other than that, beyond baseless speculation, I have no idea.” Yukari rested a hand on her cheek.

“That’s fair. Can you get out of my mirror, though? I need to fix my hair.”

“Oh, my apologies.” The reflection in the mirror returned to being Renko, and then became both Renko and Yukari peering over her shoulder from behind. “I think you look nice, even if your hair is flying away a bit.”

“Even with the bags under my eyes?”

“Nobody will notice when you’re walking across the stage.” Yukari smiled. “I mean, I will, but I notice everything.”

“Oh, you’re going to be there?” Renko tilted her head, then shook it suddenly. “Hey, I’ve started imitating you. Anyway, are you going to disguise yourself, or something?”

“Oh, no. I intend to cause a stir.” Yukari grinned. “Though I’m sure no one will recognize me beyond a shadow of a doubt, at any rate.”

“Why’s that?”

“Mm… it’s not like anyone expects me to return from the dead after so long, is it?” She shrugged dismissively. “Even if they did notice the physical similarity, they’d likely think I was a relative, or perhaps even a twin.”

“The dead, huh?” Renko was fishing around in a kitchen drawer for bobby pins. 

“I’ve been missing for… what is it, five months at this point? Most people who disappear are presumed dead after two. I should know.” Yukari pulled a handful of bobby pins out of her gap. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Renko pulled her hat down around her ears. “My gown is in the other room, if you want to get that for me too. You’re right, though… Actually, I just thought of something.”

“Here you go. And hmm?”

“If I disappear and go to Gensoukyou with you… It’ll be like I died, won’t it? To everyone out here.”

“I thought you realized that already.” Yukari frowned.

“I did. But I think it’s funny, considering you’ve been so worried about killing me. And here I am, planning to die willingly by your hand. In the eyes of humanity, anyway.” 

Yukari’s eyes went wide. “Oh my. You’re… quite right, aren’t you.”

Renko laughed slightly. “I guess you were right all along, huh?”

“It’s one of my many talents.” Yukari smiled softly. “Well, shall we be off?”

Half an hour later, Renko was waiting nervously in an auditorium. Yukari had, as she predicted, gone entirely unnoticed besides a few odd looks. She guessed a university was bound to have some eccentrics, so Yukari’s strangeness didn’t stick out as much. But on the other hand…

Renko was getting some pitying glances from her classmates. She supposed that a few people had realized that none of her family was there, and of course Merry’s disappearance had been the talk of the school for a few months, as gauche as it was.

It was a bit funny that if they knew where her nerves were actually coming from, they’d likely feel the opposite of pity. She gave a small smile.

The glances subsided slightly after that, seemingly satisfied that she wasn’t on the verge of tears.

Soon enough, a series of speeches began, and Renko nearly dozed off before they ended. When the first name was called, however, she abruptly perked up, and listened attentively. Soon enough, the Us were reached, and with her heart beating fast enough to burst, Renko heard… 

“Usami Renko!”

...And after carefully picking her way through the rows and up a treacherous set of stairs, walked across the stage to receive the diploma she clutched close to her chest.

After waiting through what seemed like an eternity of other students and closing speeches, she practically ran out the doors to see Yukari again.

“Congratulations!” A voice from behind her said, and she was practically tackled into a hug. “Congratulations, Renko. Really, I’m so proud of you. With everything that happened this year…”

“Thanks, Yukari.” Renko smiled. “You, uh, made up for your meddling in the second half of the year with your help in the first half. Or something.” 

Yukari laughed. “It’s alright, you can blame me entirely for not getting full marks this year. I wonder, though… will this make you the first youkai with a degree?”

“Nah, it can’t be.” The pair walked out onto the campus grounds. “There’s got to be someone, right? Who disguised themself as a human and went to college. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t at least once.”

“What need would I have for a diploma? It’s not like it wouldn’t crumble to dust in a few centuries, in the first place… Hey, Renko?”

Renko stopped spinning her diploma around in the air. “Yeah?”

“You’re still sure about this, yes?” Yukari frowned slightly. “I still want this to be your decision, in the end. Despite how unusual a statement that might be from me, it’s the truth.”

“Yukari, how many times have you asked me that question over the past month?”

“At least once every other time I’ve visited you. Regardless, the answer remains relevant.” Yukari pulled out her parasol. 

“Why do you use that thing in both the sun and the rain, anyway? Isn’t it supposed to be a parasol? Anyway, as usual: the answer is yes.”

“I waterproofed it after you gave it to me.” Yukari tapped the point on the ground for emphasis. “I didn’t want a gift from you to be ruined by water, with fabric this delicate… Of course, at this point, I can easily repair any damage that is done to it, but it’s the sentiment of the thing, you know? Speaking of sentiments… would you repeat yours, please? Just one more time. For me.”

Renko sighed bemusedly. “Really, Yukari, you’re incorrigible. Alright. Yes, my dear Yakumo Yukari, I have the full intention of becoming a youkai and remaining one in order to stay by your side. If you keep waffling on it, I’ll find a way to become a monster on my own- not that I’ll need much assistance, judging by my appearance. And then I’ll find you, and make sure you don’t disappear on me again.” Renko smiled. “Sentimental enough for you?”

To her surprise, when she looked over to Yukari, she saw those piercing eyes of hers misting up. 

“Very much so, Renko. Thank you.” She rubbed a gloved hand across her eyes. “Oh yes! This reminds me.” Yukari was smiling through her tears as she reached into one of the folds of her skirt and brought out a small box. “I got you a graduation present.”

Renko took the box and carefully undid the red ribbon holding it shut. She opened it to see… “Oh! Like yours.” She lifted out a silk glove from the box and pulled it on. “The hem matches my sense of style a little bit better, though.” Renko marveled at its softness. “Thank you, Yukari. These are lovely.”

Yukari was sniffling a bit. “I’m so glad you like them. I really was worried that you’d think it was childish, or strange, or something like that, to get you a pair of gloves to match mine, so…” She smiled warmly. “I’m just glad. That’s all.”

Renko, not caring that they were in public, pulled her close into a hug. “Thank you. Really. You’ve done so much for me. Even if you couldn’t bring this world to accept fantasy, you’ve brought fantasy into my life. And I know that the joy I feel when I’m with you isn’t an illusion.”

Yukari started to sob. “Renko… Oh, Renko. You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear you say that, to hear you accept me and illusions like you always have. When I became a youkai, I thought that I would never hear it again. It’s like… Well. You’ve always told me to make my dreams into reality. How wonderfully ironic that you’d end up doing so instead.”

“Well, haven’t you done the same?” Renko said softly. “You’ve created a world where fantasy can thrive. I can’t think of any dream I’d rather have come true.” Renko gently disentangled herself from Yukari’s arms. “Well, then, shall we go? To Gensoukyou.”

Yukari wiped her tears away. “Yes, let us go. To Gensoukyou, and to a new future. One we can build together.” She twirled away, and reality tore in front of her to the sound of gasps and shouts of shock from onlookers. She offered her hand to Renko. “Well?”

Renko took it, and plunged into the abyss alongside her partner.

Nothingness parted into reality again, and revealed a small clearing surrounded by deep woods. Yukari gestured to a large rock in the center of the clearing. “I got us a nice, quiet spot. Would you like to sit here?”

The duo sat down together. Renko looked around slightly awkwardly. “So, uh… what exactly are you going to do? I’ve never asked about the exact details of this, since we’ve spent most of recent memory arguing over whether I will regret it or not.”

Yukari nodded. “As you’re aware, my ability is to manipulate boundaries. If I manipulate the boundary between human and youkai and set it on the ‘youkai’ side, that is what they then are. With you…” Yukari peered intently at Renko for a few seconds. “You’re already perched on the boundary line, yourself, so it shouldn’t be as disorienting for you as it would be for a normal human.”

“Disorienting?” 

“To abruptly cause someone to undergo a process that generally takes months, often years, and causes a severe shift in perspective can be very disorienting, emotionally. Physically, as well, though unfortunately, since your body is still mostly human, you won’t be able to entirely escape from that.” 

“I see. There’s no risk to me, is there?” Renko shifted in her seat.

“Besides the risk that you will regret it, no. And… I did not tell you this before, because I did not want to color your perspective, but. Over all my years, I have only met one youkai that has regretted losing her humanity.”

Renko sighed, then smiled. “Well, in that case, let’s get on with it.” She removed her hat. “Just in case, for the horns, you know?”

“Right. Well then.” Yukari stood up. “Please close your eyes.”

“Is it important that I don’t see it happen?”

“Not at all. However, it is midday, and youkai are nocturnal. It will be easier for your eyes to adjust if you close them first.” Yukari pointed to the catlike slits hers were taking in the bright sunlight. 

“Ah, alright.” Renko closed her eyes. “Well, let’s go, then. It’s time for me to reach the stars.”

She felt a gloved finger gently touch her forehead. “Yes.” Renko felt an odd sensation, like someone was grabbing at her very heartstrings, and suddenly felt a weight in the pit of her stomach. Then, just as suddenly, it subsided, and she felt a weight lift off of her shoulders, leaving her feeling lighter than she’d ever felt. 

“Oh, my! How lovely!”

Renko blinked her eyes open, then immediately shut them again. The sunlight felt like daggers stabbing into her vision. Carefully, she opened them again, but more slowly this time, to see Yukari clasping her hands together in delight. 

“You were quite right about the hat, after all.” Yukari pulled a small mirror out of nowhere and handed it to Renko. “And your eyes are lovely as well!” 

Renko looked down into the mirror, and nearly jumped back in shock. Where the small stubs on her head had been were a pair of long, burnished antlers. Her eyes, mirroring Yukari’s, were now catlike slits, and instead of their former dark brown, were now deep blue with flecks of gold, like a starry sky just before dawn. Her mouth’s O of surprise couldn’t hide the small fangs protruding from beneath her lips. 

“Well? What do you think?” Yukari was beaming. “I daresay you make a rather dashing youkai.”

Renko grinned, then made a face of surprise as her fangs poked into her bottom lip, then grinned again. “I told you I was right. I fit the part like a glove. Thank you, Yukari. For trusting in me, and for helping me walk alongside you.” She stood up and held out her hand. “Now, I can properly live in this beautiful world you’ve created, together with you.”

Yukari paused for a brief moment, then smiled and took Renko’s hand with a nod. “Yes. Renko… welcome to Gensoukyou.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has come along till the end of this fic!  
> I hope it's a satisfying fall into fantasy.   
> However, thank you most of all to my beta reader, Iida, who reduced the number of repeated words and pieces of pretentious phrasing in this fic by 90% and also provided excellent commentary, such as:  
> -"Cringe eyes (ignore this)" (chapter 1)  
> -"the girls get blasted off and talk about science physics" (chapter 7)  
> -"oh yes, the forbidden 6th love language, booze" (also chapter 7)  
> -"do you expect anything of me any more, i didn't know smart fridges existed"  
> -"i can smell the pretentiousness from here you know. carry on" (chapter 10)  
> -"just so we're clear, am i allowed to assume that it took renko roughly a minute to get up, so that i can make the conclusion that she decided to get up and go at 4:20 am sharp?" (chapter 14)  
> They were also responsible for Renko's Bizarre Adventure, and the lovely working title of chapter 17: "Renko horny." Due to, of course, the horns. Anyway, they've been invaluable, so a huge shout out to them, and to my wonderful readers, I will see you the next time inspiration strikes! With more gay youkai, indubitably.


End file.
